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Hello from JustAnswer.
The usual dose of Flomax to help with kidney stones is to take one pill daily until the stone is expelled. A higher dose of Flomax can be used in treatment of prostate disease, but increasing the dose too quickly can lower blood pressure excessively, so is usually only done after a period of time on the lower dose, and the kidney stone will usually have passed by that time.
To try to pass it at home, it is reasonable to be drinking large volumes of liquids and take pain medicines. Some people with more severe pain may need stronger medicines that are only available by prescription. Anything that can be done to help with relaxation may also help, such as yoga, soaking in hot bath water, etc.
As for whether to be seen in the ER, the usual reasons to be seen in the ER would be severe pain or vomiting. If the symptoms are not as severe, then it is fine to try to continue managing this at home.
If I can provide any additional information, please let me know.