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I need some advice on an exspouse being difficult

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I need some advice on an exspouse being difficult
Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: UK Law
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
11/22/2017
Solicitor: LegalGems,
 replied 8 months ago
LegalGems
Category: UK Law
Satisfied Customers: 13,960
Verified

Hello! I will be reviewing your question and posting a response momentarily; if you have any follow up questions please respond here. Thanks!

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Solicitor: LegalGems,
 replied 8 months ago

What is your question please?And the state of residence?

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
I like in the UK can you help?
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
My exspouse and I have a consent order whereby I drop the kids to him on a wednesday, this worked before as the youngest was with me all day wednesday whilst his brother was at school, and i would pick him up on the way and take both kids to their dad.Now they are both in school my youngest is unsettled when i pick him up and then drop at my partners, but he is stubbornly refusing to pick them up from school even though he lives a*****and my youngest gets upset to see me for just five minutes, it is like 2 transitions for him which is challenging.
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
my question is- I have arranged with the school for the boys to stay at late stay when their father can pick them up. He wants me to drop them, purely so he can inconvenience me. If I breach the consent order, will the judge give me a fair hearing about why, and my partner's unreasonable behaviour in this matter.
Solicitor: LegalGems,
 replied 8 months ago

This is the US forum- let me have the moderators recategorize this then I'll opt out; thanks!

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Solicitor: ,  replied 8 months ago
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Phone call session started
Solicitor: Clare, Solicitor replied 8 months ago
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: UK Law
Satisfied Customers: 35,307
Experience: family solictor with 25 years experience
Verified

Thank you for your question

My name is ***** ***** I shall do my best to help you

The arrangements that you are suggesting is appropriate and child centred.

In the event that he is foolish enough to go to court there is little doubt that the court would simply vary the order to suit the children

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Thanks ClareSo today I did the pick up, because I was concerned he would leave them so that I look like an irresponsible parent. Please can you help me by advising me how to resolve this- ideally I don't want to spend time/energy/money fighting him as that is what he wants but I can't just cave in when I know he is purely wanting to toy with me and inconvenience me (texts following)
Hi Jon
I've signed the boys in to late stay tonight so please pick them up anytime before 7 that works for you. Mrs Rooney has noticed Duke has been unsettled, and seeing me for that brief five minutes is upsetting for him.
So I've put them into late stay on a Wednesday so you can pick them up at whatever time suits you.
Thanks
Kat
Jon:
No.It’s your responsibility to do this pick-up, and any changes need to be agreed between us, and this isn’t agreed.
You’ve been looking for a way to get out of doing the alternate Wednesday pick-up since Ludo started school.
Yes, he has been unsettled, but that has more to do with having a baby sister and living in a fifth house in 2 years.
It’s a phase and one that he needs to adjust to, and it’s your responsibility as a parent to ensure he feels safe, secure and settled, not mine to deal with the problems you have caused.
If you’d like to change the arrangement then you’re going to have to do it through the proper legal channels.
Therefore, I will not be picking the boys up today, and will expect them to be brought here either by yourself or Liz as laid out in the Consent Order.
If you don’t pick them up, then I will regard this as a breach of the Consent Order and tantamount to neglect which the court and the school will be informed of.Thanks,
Jon
If you think swapping the Wednesdays so that your pick-up would be on the week where it’s only 2 nights at mine would be easier, then I’d be happy to sign a Consent Order amendment which you’d need to file with the court at your cost.
Once that had been approved we could make that change.
Now a suitcase doesn’t need to be ferried about it’s not so much of an issue which Wednesday you do.Hi Jon,
My responsibilities are something I take very seriously.
My responsibility as a mother is to Duke and Ludo’s welfare, not pandering to your refusal to be agreeable.
My circumstances have changed and I no longer have Liz on a wednesday. Plus the circumstances have changed since the order was agreed and now both boys are in school, and on Wednesday they are legally under your care from 4pm. Due to Duke’s upset when I dropped him at 4, I have made arrangements for them to be at school until such a time that you can make the*****from mells to pick them up and informed their teachers.
After parents evening last week it is clear to me that Duke became unsettled not after the move as you mentioned but after I dropped him off on his night with you.
His teacher said for 10 days he has been excitable and unsettled. She and I discussed the current pick up arrangements, and that Liz is no longer available and that when I did it I felt it had disrupted Duke and resulted with him in floods of tears on your doorstep and coming home with me for the night, and she had experienced a similar experience with her own step children being more unsettled by two transitions.
Her partner and his ex amicably agreed to make it better for the children by both parties agreeing to pick up the children on their respective nights from school.
As you already pick the children up every other Wednesday, and they stay with you every wednesday, it seems reasonable and fair to suggest you pick them up and we agree to this amicably in what is best for Ludo and Duke.
I am struggling to see why you won’t change it, and the only explanation I can find is that you want to inconvenience me and wield some power. if I am mistaken, I’d be grateful if you could help me to understand your perspective and how it serves the children by me picking them up from school to drop them at your house on their night with you?
Perhaps if you insist on being disagreeable in this matter a judge will not look favourably on my breach of the consent order by not collecting the children, but perhaps a judge will also not look favourably on your refusal to see sense or work together to ensure and safeguard the emotional wellbeing of our children, which is my aim. The order is binding, but on the conditions that we agreed to- being flexible and agreeable around what is best for the kids when circumstances change, as they inevitably do.
I am not looking for a way to get out of anything, I am concerned about my child, and want to make their lives as smooth and easy as possible, something I would expect you to agree with. Transition can be tough and changeover days are not easy on them. I hope this helps you understand how the circumstances have changed,I gave up reading after about 2 paragraphs to be honest...If you want to change the Arrangement then you know what you must do.Jon
Solicitor: Clare, Solicitor replied 8 months ago

Write a formal letter to him setting out that this is about the needs of the children and not the adults.

Offer to discuss it with him at family mediation if he would prefer.

However then say that you have made arrangements so that he can collect them from school at a time that suits him, and that if you have to collect them then you will bring them home to you house.

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