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Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: UK Law
Satisfied Customers: 70507
Experience:  Over 5 years in practice.
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I am feeling intimidated and harrassed by my ex lover and his

Customer Question

I am feeling intimidated and harrassed by my ex lover and his wife. I know I was wrong to have an affair with him and it has now all ended, but he is ignoring my messages, the purpose of which is to enable me to move on. We bump into each other through work and I have done my best to avoid work events where he may be as last time he put me in a difficult position by walking away from me in public causing all kinds of questions from my work colleagues. His wife sent a letter warning me to stay away, to my work address and they have both since emailed me telling me to stay away. I am trying hard to do that but there is a work thing coming up I cannot avoid and I need to attend. I tried to contact him to say I've tried staying away but this time can he please not be there as I've done so well with my moving forward and emotionally and psychologically he will intimidate me again and set me back. He has not even read my email and I suspect just deleted it. I can't believe they are treating me like this, warning me to stay away but then sending letters to work and causing me emotional distress as there's two of them.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: UK Law
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your question. My name is ***** ***** I will try to help with this.
What would you like to know about this please?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Is their behaviour intimidating me if I have asked him not to attend somewhere he knows I will be due to causing me emotional distress at this stage in my moving on process. How can I make him stay away? Also where do I stand as they sent a letter to my work place and caused me undue stress there and intimidated me in front of colleagues
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
You cannot stop him attending a work event if he has a legitimate reason to be there. That said, he cannot stop you attending either so both requests are entirely unlawful.
In terms of the letter, it depends exactly what was said. If it contained a request to stay away then that is without basis but one singular instance of contact would not be enough for harassment.
Moreover though, if you are sending him messages and not getting a response then that is a harassment I'm afraid. You are perfectly free to meet him by default at work events. If you are contacting deliberately a person who has asked you to stop then that is harassment.
Can I clarify anything for you?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The letter they sent to my work said I needed to think very carefully about doing anything that may bring me in contact with their places of work-this is hard as we share the same profession.
Can I not politely request he do not attend the event next week as I know he does not have to and I just feel it would cause him to intimidate me and throw how great he has moved on in my face. Isn't there anything I can do in terms of the emotional distress and effect on my work this is having?
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Yes, he cannot make that demand. Neither can you, of course. You are both perfectly free to go anywhere.
No, you cannot make that request. He has every right to go as do you.
The trouble with this that your post above reads as though you are contacting him when he is not responding and that is harassment so, at the moment, they have the better case against you than the other way around Im afraid.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Is there nothing here that could be construed as them bullying me. Eg both warning me to stay away from their work, both purposefully ignoring me, walking away from me in public causing awkward questions from my colleagues and problems at work, sending a letter to my work, causing me to be in fear of seeing him
Expert:  Jo C. replied 2 years ago.
Well, even if they were it doesn't change the law.
But this does not amount to bullying. If you are contacting him then they are perfectly free to ask you to stop.
Ignoring you is not harassment. It is probably a good idea for both of you at the moment.