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Some Advice On Harassment Warning Please

Hi - may I have...
Hi - may I have some advice on harassment warning please.

My very long term partner and father of my three children (18 years but not married) has separated for some months now. I have tried and tried to get him to reconcile for the sake of the children (and I still feel committed to him). A month ago he told me he was seeing someone else 10 years younger, he has been seeing her 11 weeks now in total. Since then I have felt so upset and angry and have texted and emailed j him with how I was feeling and how I felt about her - quite horribly jealous and distraught for my children. I have never met, seen, contacted or spoken to her though.

Earlier this week I had 2 unsolicited texts from the woman telling me she was a lovely person and didn't mean to hurt me but she was my ex-partner's partner now, they were deeply in love and to stop texting unkind things to him about it. I ignored these and did not reply but when she sent a third saying she had met one of my children (unknown to me) and was looking forward to meeting the others, I did reply. Nothing nasty but asked her not to txt my phone as it was too upsetting to be interrupted by her texts at work but offered my email if she had anything important to communicate re the children. She replied and said she didn't need to and was in a secure private relationship with him. I did not reply. Two days later my ex-partner emailed me to say she was a wonderful person compared to me and he is planning to marry her, move away and have a baby together. After receiving this email I texted them both a photo of my engagement ring as he has never cancelled or retracted this. I know this was childish but I was so upset. I happened to drop some mail off at his house the following day (he said he was away so it felt safe to do so), and he suddenly opened the door to reveal him and her together which was a shock and we had an argument on the doorstep, then I drove home. I ended up shouting at her too in the argument though. He has now had the police visit and give me a verbal harassment warning which covers both him and her.

My questions are: Is this a lasting thing - it was a verbal chat with two police officers. They said it lasts for a year and covers him, her, text, email, visits to property and so on. Will this be issued on paper too? Will it show up on my CRB check? I work in a profession that requires an enhanced one. Will it be on my records at all, for a yea,r or forever?

Should it have covered her too given that she initiated text contact with me and the only contact I have ever had with her is detailed above. i think my ex-partner has shown her texts and emails I sent privately to him and these are negative about her so they are saying this caused her distress. But they were private to my ex-partner, it was he who chose to share them with her. Can I be warned for indirect harassment by him doing this? I know the warning would still relate to him but I don't like the idea that people will think I harassed a third party directly to the extent of getting a warning when there was very little contact with her.. There was not much opportunity to go through who did what blow by blow at the front door and it feels like because there are two of them complaining about me, they have a stronger case. Should I ask the police if it is possible to rescind the warning for her and just leave it in place for my partner? Would they do this if I gave them the background? I would not contact her again anyway. Many thanks for any context anyone can give - this is the first time I have had this sort of experience.
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Answered in 4 minutes by:
10/1/2012
Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
Category: UK Law
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Hi

Thank you for your question and welcome to Just Answer. I will try to help with this. Please RATE my answer OK SERVICE or above.

Would you please summarise the facts and I will try to help?

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Customer reply replied 5 years ago


There is a paragraph which starts 'My Questions Are' - the things I need to know are in this paragraph ( with a few contextual questions in the paragraph below).


 


Many thanks

Is it an accurate summary to say that you have been given a harassment warning?
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Hi - I don't actually know. The poilice officers said it could be construced as a 'path of conduct leading to harrassment' as there were more than two texts or a text and the doorstep incident. I had sent my ex-partner substantially more texts than that over recent weeks but not to the woman he is seeing. They said it would be in force for a year and if I text, email, visit or speak to him or her about anything but pick up and drop off arrangements for our children and he/she complains, I would be arrested. They did not give me anything written or to sign though and I did not have to go to the police station. So I don't know if this is a verbal informal warning or an official verbal warning or a precursor to something arriving in writing - and which if any of these goes on my CRB check and for how long.


Many thanks

You have been given a harassment warning.

That is not a finding of guilt.  That is just a police method of dealing with an allegation of harassment that avoids a prosecution.  

The warning you have received amounts to no more than a police indication that further contact would be considered harassment.

The fact of the warning is not a finding against you.

The fact of the allegation and its disposal though will show on your enhanced level CRB check under any other information.  Its not a conviction or caution recorded against you.

On your enhanced level this will remain forever or at least until the law changes.

It will not show on standard or basic.

You can ask the police to remove this using their exceptional procedure.  That does mean exceptional though.  The fact that you would rather than this wasn't on your CRB check is not sufficient.  You have to show that it has no relevance to the application you are making to get it removed.

Hope this helps.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

But this is like being issued with something without giving my side of the the story. How can I be issued a harassment warning against her when the new partner obtained my number without my knowledge sent me 3 unsolicited texts before I replied and then I did not use any bad language etc.

I cannot really comment on the merits of the practice. That is their practice.

The other option was to prosecute you and if you have send her several texts without a response then you don't have a defence.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

No it was she who sent me two texts first without me replying to her. Then she sent a third telling me she had met my child without my knowledge which I found upsetting and did reply to, just asking her not to text me and email me instead if absolutely have to ( I was at work and didn't want random upsetting texts arriving). She responded to say she wasn't going to use email. I didn't reply but next morning was so cross when I received my partner's email stating he was going to marry her after 3 months and have another baby with her (when he didn't marry me after 16 years and 3 children) that I sent a picture of my ring to them both to remind them that he was still technically engaged to me. Together with me shouting at her on the doorstep when I accidentally discovered they were not away for the weekend but having a phusical relationship together inside the flat (while my 6 year old daughter missed her weekly visit with ther father), this photo of the ring is what has made them claim harassment of her.


This all sounds really stupid even to me. We are all 3 professional people and seem to be caught up in something worthy of the Jeremy Vine show. I guess this is because emotions (and children) are involved. I know there is no law against what they choose to do but there is one on harassment. I know my texts to him can be construed as harassment if he chooses to but do you think I would be able to get the judgement in relation to her removed? I have no intention of contacting her but she initiated several contacts first. If I wanted to try, how would I go about it?

There is no basis to remove the harassment warning.

The only question is whether or not they would remove the entry on your CRB and I don't think your chances are strong to be wholly honest.

You can write to the Chief Constable asking for their exceptional procedure and examples of what would be considered exceptional.

Jo C.
Jo C., Barrister
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Experience: Over 5 years in practice.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Ok - thanks - it does seem to me that these warnings can be used with varying degrees of provocation. In this case my partner did say he was happier with the new partner than ever with me because she is a christian and he has just converted. He said they was going to ensure I couldn't affect their relationship so I am now wondering if her unsolicited texts were in a way to bait me into doing something similar. But then again I did shout at her on the doorstep too . I am going to have to write to the Chief Constable as next time my enhanced CRB check comes up at work I am likely to lose my post.


 


Thanks anyway

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