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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare
Clare, Solicitor
Category: UK Immigration Law
Satisfied Customers: 34106
Experience:  25 years hight street experience
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My childrens step mother is a non british citizen living in

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My childrens step mother is a non british citizen living in the uk and she has been abusing my children both emotionally and physically. She is now married to my childrens father they have been married for about five years they married in hong kong. The problem has been ongoing since she arrived here but at first put it down to her not being used to living here and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately the problem has not improved and it is now becoming worse. Their father and I share custody of our children but I am now at a point where I need to have them with me as it is unsafe for them to be in her sole company when their father is at work. I do have evidence of what has been happening documented at my childrens school. What advice can you give me please. Thank you. Nicola

hi

how old are the children and how much time do they spend with thier father and is there a court order in place dealing with contact

claire

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
The children are 12 and 9 and we did not go to court with regards XXXXX XXXXX we came to a private agreement but this was before he married his wife. We have the children for one week each from sunday to sunday. Thank you claire

hi

and can you give me a (brief) idea of the problem?

claire

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I do not understand that question I have given the problem in my opening question. I want advice on what I can do about this woman hurting my children as she is not a british citizen I do not know if she has to abide by certain rules to stay in the uk and I do not know what rights I have with me and their father having joint custody.

hi

i meant - how is she hurting the children?

claire

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Oh I see sorry. She has hit my then 8 year old son hard 3 times on the back of the neck and kicked him halfway down the stairs and on another occasion she told him to repeat over and over on the way to school the words "I am a naughty boy I cannot do anything right and I am always touching my penis" I was alerted by the school welfare officer on both occasions and the father was also notified to which I confronted his wife and she apologised but she is still making him feel isolated and telling him how bad he is and both he and my now 12 year old daughter feel miserable and neglected. This is a brief overview there is more but these are the two main occassions. Family members of their father and friends have also got into contact with me notifying me of how badly they are treated when they visit their fathers home.

hi

i can understand your concerns and you do indeed need to address them - there are three ways forward and only you can decide which is right for you and your children

the first would be to start by engaging their father in discussion about the situation using family mediation (www.familymediationhelpline.org.uk) - hopefully one which will include the children - and if that fails then making an application to the court for a residence order

alternatively you can make an immediate application for an residence order without trying mediation - and indeed you could apply for an emergency (or interim) residence order

finally of you feel there is an immediate risk to the children youcould involve social services - but be warned you will then be involved with them for an unspecified period of time

the immigration issue has no relevance (other than as a possibel explanantion for her actions - which still do not mak ethem acceptable

claire

Clare and other UK Immigration Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you claire. I have however sat with their father on a number of occasions and explained my concerns and although he tells me he understands he does defend her actions at times. The children are now asking me to do something as they are not happy there at all. Would family mediation help us to come to a different arrangement where I can take care of my children and he sees them when he is not working so that they are not in her sole care. I really appreciate your advice thank you. I just want them to feel safe. Nicola

hi

from what you have said you need to move to a situation where the children live with you but have regular - even extensive - contact with their father

you would need to have thought out exactly how you think it would work so you have a clear suggestion to make

mediation - with an independant mediator or mediators - may help although realistically i fear this will end up in court

claire

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