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Clare
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: UK Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34105
Experience:  25 years experience of all aspects of family law
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I have been divorced 1.5 year and have 2 kids, in primary

Customer Question

Customer: I'm Emi. I have been divorced for a 1.5 year and have 2 kids, in primary school, with my ex husband. We always have had agreements that kids will return on Sun eve after spending every other weekend with their dad, however, my ex said he wants to have them til Mon morning. I disagreed during our meeting, but he insisted that he would do so in his email yesterday. We have financial order in place but as for the kids, no court order. It was discussed during the mediation and I did agreed that he'd have kids from Fri to Sun (was Sat-Sun til then), but never agreed on Fri-Mon. I emailed him and said he cannot change the arrangement without my consent. I am willing to report to the police and my solicitor as well if he does not return them to my on Sun eve. But I would like to know this is the best option I have? Your advise would be appreciated as I have not been able to get in touch with my solicitor, thanks
JA: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?
Customer: What sort of details would you need??
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Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: UK Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Hi

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

How old are the chidlren and what is your concern about this proposed change?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
9 & 6. My concern is that my ex husband is going to change the child arrangement without my consent and will not return the kids on the agreed date which is Sun eve.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hello??
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

I appreciate your most immediate concerns - but in the longer term what is your worry - about him keeping them until Monday mornings (it is important I am afraid)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well, if Monday is okay, it will be Tue, Wed, and whenever he prefers? That will worry me.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My ex has been remarried to a woman he left me for, and got a child with her straight away.
It seems to have been difficult for my elder child and he seems unstable sometimes, extremely clingy with me, gets emotional about his dad (in a bad way), etc.
We all have been used to the current arrangement and why would we change it? It finally has stablised a bit.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

I understand that very well - but as a first step - does he live close enough to get the chidlren to school on time (and properly dressed)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
no problem with the children's welfare, but so that he'll have the kids as long as he wants? Then I would do the same, and it will be chaotic.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Another concern in Japanese education. My elder child needs to do a large amount of Japanese homework every week for Japanese school he goes to every Sat. It's getting more and more challenging and he needs my assistance to get the homework done. We usually do it together in the morning when he's not tired, and one less morning will impact us as I'm not always available every morning due to my work.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Kids go to their dad every Wed, and every other weekend. I believe that is enough for the children.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He has been able to have the kids more than agreed as I do not have my family in this country and I need to ask for his help when I am out of town/country for my work. If I agreed to give Sun eve away, due to my work, kids will need to go to his more than half the week. I believe it's better for them to have a base, rather than having multiple temp places.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry that is a little confusing - if he has them Friday to Monday on alternate weeks and every Wednesday that will not be half of the week.

However your concern is this weekend.

The news is not good I am afraid, if he does not bring the chidlren back on Sunday there is nothing you can do until Monday.

Your ex has Parental Responsibility for the children and as much right to have them in his care as you do so the Police cannot force him to return them.

Instead you will have to make an emergency applictaion to the Court for an Child Arrangement Order that specifies the times that the children will spend with him.

You should be granted an emergency order confirming the "old" arrangements for the children, while there is an ongoing discussion about whether or not the weekend contact shoudl extend to Monday mornings as well

YI think it is likely in the long term that he may be successful HOWEVER the fact that he has simply overridden your refusal will go in your favour

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

Clare

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Could you please explain to me how it will go in my favour?I sent him a text to tell him that I would be coming to collect the kids on Sun evening and he called me, screamed, swore, and hung up, with the children right beside him.
I still suggested we would have a separate occasion to discuss it, but he insisted on keeping them til Mon morning until the discussion.
His intimidating behavior, such as forcing on a change on current arrangement by simply dropping an email, shouting, swearing, is undermining the trust which is the base of the arrangement and makes me feel vulnerable that he'd be able to anything as he wishes.
Children do go to his place more often than the agreement due to my work commitment (avg 9-10 nights a month). They have never expressed their desire to extend the weekend visit.Because he's trying to disrespect the current arrangement, I am in doubt about further discussion. Whatever the outcome of the discussion, it might get ignored by him as he wishes.Thanks.

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