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Barend B.
Barend B., Legal Consultant
Category: South Africa Law
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Experience:  BLC LLB (Pret) LLM (Augsburg)
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Hello, I need assistance. My daughters took me to court and

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Hello, I need assistance. My daughter's took me to court and falsely accused me of denying him access, neglecting our child due to two nappy rashes and because she had an accident wish required stiches on her forehead, unsuitability of my house due to it being a 2 bedroom and unsuitability of the nanny.
Our daughter's primary residence is with me since birth and the father visits of which he sends me a sms everytime he comes to visit.
I have the nanny since early 2012, the accidental injury was in Jan 2013, first severe nappy rash was in Mar 2013 when she was in his care yet he blames me. The second nappy rash was in May 2013 but that I dispute because she didnt have one. He took her to the doctor and according to him the doctor examined her and diagnosed her with a nappy rash. I went to police station the same night because he didnt want to return her stating she is in pain. Long story short I let 3 women police officers verify with me if she had a nappy rash and there was nothing. Wanted to go back to the hospital to consult with the doctor but I wasnt sure which hospital he took her to and he also refuse to give me the doctor's note. I just need advise
Good day.

This is an info request to assist you better. Please continue on this thread.

Just to confirm: Your daughter reported, at the SAPD, an incident of child abuse in which she fingered you as the perpetrator?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

No. Sorry theres a word missing above. My daughter's father took me to court. Daughter is two years old. I am the only one who went to the police station because the father didnt want to return her.

Has he taken you to Children's Court or are you being criminally charged?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

To the high court seeking full custody based on the above reasons. We receive an appointment date for next year with the family advocate but he subsequently send a second affidavit.

I am sorry, but I am unable to assist. If this is in High Court and it seems as if he has legal representation, you best course of action would be to find legal representation of your own to fight it.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Expert cannot assist me.
Good evening,

I want you to pretend you're in court now, and I'm the judge, and I ask you to tell me everything that happened in as much detail as you can (when,where, what). I need exact dates, and as much information about the affidavits and the claim for full custody. The more I know the better I can advise you!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

If possible I would prefer you dont publish my answer on your website for now until the matter is concluded in court.


  1. 1. Father states that I am denying him access and visiting time. (I never refused the father access. The father denied that our baby (“T”) was his daughter and we had to go for paternity test. I have always allowed him reasonable access even after the we received the paternity results. The father notifies me by sms every time he wants to visit “T” at my house. I have all the sms’s he sents me and I never replied saying no or phoned him not to visit her. He would simply inform me via sms he is going to see her or coming to collect her for his alternative weekend). He also states that he is not happy with sending me a sms first and wishes to come to my house when he wants too. I only refused once for him to leave with “T” when I realised he was intoxicated in May’13 and I was fearing for “T’s” safety since the father have a criminal record for culpable homicide due to negligent driving.

  2. Father states our toddler is residing with my mom since 01 april 2013. Makes allegations about my mother being ill, not working & went on disability and is therefore not fit to take care of “T”. Mom and relatives are also irresponsible and they cannot afford to take care of their own kid and my mom allow “T” to play in the street unsupervised. Mom's house is in a high crime & drug area. He states his mother is in a better position to take care of our daughter. (My answer: My mom is not sick or unemployed. All my relatives work and support their kids. My mom is still young and his mother is near retirement age. I deny that my mom or relatives are irresponsible and that they allow “T” or any kid to play in the street unsupervised. Don’t have the statistics on crime in the area but crime & drugs are everywhere and I don’t think the father’s current residence in Bramley is not subjected to crime or drugs. “T” resided with me since birth and still is and the father visits and collects her from my house in cosmo city. I do drop her off sometimes at my mom’s house in the morning to be taken care of by my aunt when the nanny is not available and this only happened once this year in May and I advised the father of this).

  3. Father says my and my mom’s house is also not suitable as it is too small because it has only two bedrooms and my mom houses two families at the back (two zozo’s) and it is not safe for “T”. Also allegation about my boyfriend living with me. He states that his house has 3 bedrooms with a garden. (My answer: The house the father refers to as his house is actually his mom’s residence & his mom is not the owner. Mom & my house do have two huge bedrooms, Kitchen & a lounge far bigger than the father’s mom’s house with big yards even if my mom has two zozos which accommodates two single mothers. Both yards have a boundary wall with a gate but the father’s residence doesn’t even have a gate. Also Father is currently residing with his mom because he got retrenched last year and still didn’t move back to his apartment after he found a job. Father’s apartment on the 2nd floor has 2 bedrooms and is 50m2 in a boomed complex. My boyfriend doesn’t reside with me, he is self- employed and he has house far bigger than what both me and the father can ever afford. The single moms at the back of my mother’s house are now there for 3 years and my mom never had issues. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is “T” resides with me. I sold this 2 bedroom house and I already put in an offer for a 3bed, 2bath with pool house)

  4. 4. Allegations of the nanny being arrested and has a criminal record. Nanny is also not suitable to take care of toddler and is not fit to meet her educational development. He states that the nanny is also not feeding or bathing her. (My answer: Nanny is taking good care of toddler since early 2012 and never did the father have a problem with her and she doesn’t have a criminal record. The nanny took care of my cousin’s daughter for 3 years without issues & was referred to me by my cousin. Toddler is growing well and the immunisation card is full proof of this and very much attached to the nanny. Her language skills far exceed her age group. The father also insist on taking “T” to a crèche in Sandton which is close to where he works. I object because it is not feasible to register her at a crèche far from where I work or me and “T” resides taken into account that the father normally has work commitments after hours.

  5. Allegations about neglect:

  • Jan 2013: “T” plays in the lounge and bumps her head against the coffee table. 1st affidavit father states that he had to rush “T” to the hospital for medical assistance and she got stitches. (I oppose saying that it is true that she accidentally bumped her head but I rushed “T” to the hospital because the father was at work and he arrived at the hospital almost 2hours after the accident). 2nd Affidavit father states he was at the hospital at the time she received medical aid, attached a letter from work stating that he left early. I don’t see how the letter is relevant because I only disputed the fact that he lied about rushing her to the hospital. 2nd Affidavit he says the nanny confirmed that she got hurt in the bedroom and not in the lounge. (This is also not true as the father saw us wiping the blood in the lounge and the coffee table).

  • Father attaches a photo of a burn mark on “T’s” finger and states that the incident happened also in Jan 2013. This happened last year Jun 2012 & don’t have the full details how this happened because she was with the father’s relatives when they prepared for a funeral. Got a lame excuse and don’t even remember what he said. Fact is that he says it happened when she was in my care in Jan13.

  • Attached another photo don’t even know when was this taken but I do know that she fell last year 2012 when she was still learning to walk and she bruised her nose

  1. 6. Father states that toddler has too many severe nappy rashes in my care. One in March 2013 and May 2013. (My answer: “T” never has a nappy rash in my care. Mar 2013:Father collects “T” for weekend visit with him on Friday. Saturday morning 10am I get a phone call from father stating that she is complaining about being sore front private part. 2nd phone call late morning father states that he notice she has a nappy rash with a diarrhoea and I am not changing her regularly. In his 1st affidavit he states that he notice the nappy rash soon after collecting her & she was also vomiting. 2nd affidavit he states that he only noticed the severity of the nappy rash when he bathed her and this is with the 2nd phone call. He took her to the doctor & the doctor diagnosed severe nappy rash.(My answer: She didn’t have a nappy rash, diarrhoea or vomitted when the father collected her on Friday 18pm.If she did the father should’ve noticed and knowing him he would’ve phoned me on Friday night. Neither did he mention this with his 1st phone call Saturday morning. I am now in receipt of medical records for Mar’13. Doctor diagnosed mild reddishness on skin & no super infection. Also the father the said that she wasn’t vomiting when asked by the doctor. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is she didn’t have a severe nappy rash as stated by the father, neither were she vomiting in my care. He didn’t change a nappies regularly now he wants to blame me).

2nd nappy rash on Thursday in May’13: father visits “T” find her in a panty. Father request the nanny to put her on a nappy because he wants to go to the shop with her. Father sends me a sms stating he is taking her to the hospital because she has diarrhoea and nappy rash. I respond saying that is news and will check this when he returns “T” from the hospital. 10.45pm at night father states that he is not bringing “T” back as she is in a lot of pain and he is going to look for medicine at another pharmacy in Sunninghill because the pharmacy at Olivedale hospital didn’t have the medicine prescribed. He therefore will bring “T” back in the morning. I say no because how can I not be allowed to see my daughter when she is in pain. He refused to bring her back & didn’t want me to meet them at sunninghill pharmacy. I go to the police station and with the help of the officers he brought her back. At the police station I ask for three woman police officers to witness with me if Gosiame have a nappy rash or not. We checked and saw no nappy rash. Father states the doctor confirmed that she does have a nappy rash and she did have diarrhoea since Tuesday. I took “T” to the hospital for vomiting & sore throat that Monday night. Doctor diagnosed tonsillitis and prescribed antibiotics & probiotics. Monday night “T” weighed 16.7kg as per medical note & Thursday she weighed 16.6kg. If she had diarrhoea shouldn’t some weight loss be evident?). I only notice now that the father did get the medicine from Olivedale & he was lying about sourcing medicine somewhere else.

  1. 7. Father states that I work long hours and only gets home about 8pm to 9pm at night. I work up to 17H00pm.He fails to state that I attend class strategically on the days he advises that he is coming to visit “T” and I get home by 19h30pm the latest. Father normally comes once a week and I either have to sacrifice not going to class or I would leave “T” with the nanny. Father knows this because we use to attend class together and he wouldn’t even visit “T” due to class. He graduated last year and this is my last year of attending class.

Good afternoon,

The previous expert was correct. You should get a legal representative. You can either apply for Legal Aid or contact the Law Society to refer you to an attorney who would do the case pro bono (for free).

In a case for custody the court will decide what is in the best interests of the child. The best interests do not mean which parent has the most money, but whether the child is cared for, is healthy, happy and safe. It appears from your narrative that you have all the evidence to refute and oppose the father's allegations of neglect.

One thing you must consider doing is obtain a report from a child psychologist about what would be in the best interests of the child and whether there are any signs of neglect. If you have such a report, and it is in your favour, the court will not likely grant the father custody. It will cost a bit, but when you win the court case, you'll be awarded costs, and you must make sure that the costs of this report is all included.

Barend B., Legal Consultant
Category: South Africa Law
Satisfied Customers: 1364
Experience: BLC LLB (Pret) LLM (Augsburg)
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