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In my place of worship there is an older man, about 20 years

older than me that is...
In my place of worship there is an older man, about 20 years older than me that is very nice looking for his age. Sometimes he ignores me, but sometimes he stares at me very intensely. This has gone on for 3 years. We have had very intense eye contact. He lost his wife about 8 years ago. The problem is that he is not making a move about it, but he keeps staring at me. What is your advice as to how I should handle this situation.
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Answered in 1 minute by:
8/8/2016
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor, marriage and family specialty
Category: Relationship Care
Satisfied Customers: 798
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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Hi, Im Jules, a LPC. Welcome to Just Answer! I am reviewing your question now and will be back ASAP with a thorough reply :) Please bare with me.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Okay.

It sounds like you are receiving some intense body language suggesting an interest. Three years is a long time to be involved in something like this. If he hasn't dated other women during this time, he may be waiting for you to express the real interest in him. he lost his wife and so it may be that he is insecure about moving forward. What would be the problem with asking him over for coffee or tea. Maybe a dessert. I wouldn't be too concerned with the age difference. It sounds like there is a connection. Are you comfortable with making conversation with him?

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Well, I tried saying "hello" to him one time, but he just stared at me, looked startled, and did not say anything. So, that is why I am scared to try to talk to him.

I can understand that making me feel a bit uncomfortable too. Have you had any other interactions with him? outside of church at all? You could just sit near him at church sometime and see if he is nervous. He is a widower and I think that when you lose someone, you still have some sort of guilt about moving forward in a new relationship. He may simply be reserved or guarded because of his own fears.

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He also may be guarded because of the age difference. You can always just build on a friendship and attempt to increase small positive interactions so that he is more comfortable, and you are more comfortable also. What do you know about him as far as your similar interests? Maybe even attending a bible study or asking about a lunch together. Be okay with asserting yourself, you will either find confidence in moving forward or you will be able to have a sense of closure about possibilities.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
We meet at his house now for something that is sort of like a bible study. This started a month ago, and he said to me, "Have you ever been over to my house?" I said "no." But he knew darn well I had never been over there before. My dad and I were entering the place of worship about 6 months ago, and Dad asked him, "Have you ever met my daughter?" And he said "No, I have never seen her before", and then he started laughing, because obviously he has seen me before.

It is very evident that he likes you..... You should bring a dish to his home when you go again or ask him about his favorite meal and bring something. It is a gesture that is not over the top, but it lets him know that you are interested.

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Customer reply replied 1 year ago
Okay. Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.

Youre welcome. I wish I could give you more specifics. I really do think that he expresses an interest and even uses humor. So, those are all really positive.

CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor, marriage and family specialty
Category: Relationship Care
Satisfied Customers: 798
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