Ask a Relationship Coach for Help with Relationships
Hi :) thank you for your question. I am happy to assist you. Please bare with me while I provide you with an answer.
okay, I was reading your question again so that I could provide you an in depth response. Honestly, in any relationship, you have to remember that you are only responsible for your role in the relationship, not her reactions. Yes, you felt hurt, and maybe "used" because of the nature of the situation or her seeming lack of availability, but expressing that to her was not a problem. Addressing your feelings is healthy, but it is how we do so. We have to remember to create a situation that is solution focused so that the other person does not feel blamed or become defensive. You will want to be sensitive to their feelings but also focus on the positives of the relationship. I really think you guys can get through this. It is simply about approach and sincerity. Try something like this, "I just wanted to somehow reach out to you and express a sense of gratitude for our friendship. I think in the past maybe my hurt about the inconsistency of plans came out in a way that seemed selfish. I guess I felt insecure about the boundaries in the relationship and then it just escalated from there. We just never really were able to talk about things. It's been 2 months and I am hopeful that we can put much of this behind us. I would love to hear from you and I do miss our friendship. I hope we can fix all that has happened and allow conflict to create an opportunity."
I do agree with you that working through those things would be the best idea for the relationship. It sounds like maybe she wasn't sure how to accomplish boundaries that she felt were needed at the time. I'm sorry that she has missed out on fixing things with you. You sound like a loyal friend. I would maybe try sending a short text first, like "hey, I was just thinking of you." And leaving it at that.
I just wanted to check back in with you and see how things have turned out?