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I have been dealing with commitment phobias and relationship

anxiety ever since I broke...
I have been dealing with commitment phobias and relationship anxiety ever since I broke off my first relationship of four years in 2010. Ever since, I have felt attracted to women and proceeded to enjoy the dating process, however once a relationship is established I always feel never ending stress and anxiety and just want to get out as soon as possible. Recently, I was in a relationship with a woman I would label as perfect. She understood me perfectly, she was attractive and I had no issues with her whatsoever but the problem resurfaced again. I have tried to silently fight it off but it kept getting worse the longer I stayed. To make matters worse, I feel incredible guilt when breaking things off because I always seem so sure when the relationship starts. I have grown tired of gambling with partners' hearts and want to figure out why I cannot seem to be comfortable in a relationship. I won't lie, I embrace the freedom of single life but I still yearn for a connection with a partner. Thank you very much for your time, effort and dedication and any input on how I can resolve my issue would be very appreciated.
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Answered in 21 hours by:
4/17/2015
TherapistMaryAnn
Category: Relationship Care
Satisfied Customers: 5,879
Experience: Relationship Professional
Verified
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
Having a commitment phobia in relationships is a common issue. Many times, people learn to fear relationships because of issues from childhood. Common reasons why a person might fear a relationship include past abuse, parents fighting a lot (physical and/or emotional abuse as well), divorcing parents, previous ending of a relationship where you felt hurt (unresolved issues) or even attitudes learned at an early age about the opposite sex or relationships in general.
Depending on your experience, any of these reasons could be behind your fear of a long term relationship. Finding out what is at the root does take therapy and some self help through books, groups or support on line. It is hard to recognize your own issues since you have lived with them as a normal part of your life. So getting support helps. Since you don't have access to counseling where you live, you can find therapy on line including face to face, phone and chat. Just put "on line therapy" in the search engine and you should get a list of options for therapy.
You may also want to begin exploring what is triggered for you when you are in a relationship. You mentioned that you feel stressed when in a relationship and guilt when you break it off. Seeking what exactly you feel and why you fear continuing the relationship can help a lot. Try writing down exactly what you feel when you are in a relationship. Ask yourself what might happen if you stayed. What issues from your past might be influencing your fear and anxiety? By writing these things down, you can begin to seek answers and establish a pattern when you begin to experience anxiety.
Self help is also a great option in learning more about why you might experience anxiety while in a relationship. Here are some resources to help you:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/01/08/what-is-commitment-phobia-relationship-anxiety/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201304/understanding-and-dealing-commitment-phobia
Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (And Finding the Courage to Love by ***** ***** and Julia Sokol
Sabotage: How To Stop Killing Your Relationships Because of Commitment PhobiasDec 14, 2014
by Johanna Sparrow
I hope this has helped you,
Kate
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
TherapistMaryAnn
Category: Relationship Care
Satisfied Customers: 5,879
Experience: Relationship Professional
Verified
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