Ok. So my boyfriend and I are planning to get engaged but I…

Hi Kenora; it's nice to meet you! I'm sorry to hear that you're having second thoughts about your relationship; that can't be easy. It sounds like your question pertains to whether or not it's wrong for you to want to feel like you're a priority to your partner. I can't imagine that there's a person in a healthy relationship out there that would NOT want to feel like they are a priority to their partner. In other words, it doesn't sound like you're wrong at all!

Forgive me Kenora, I think I'm a little confused. What question would you like for me to try to answer for you tonight?

I'm afraid that I haven't been to church in over a decade and am certainly not a biblical scholar! From a psychological perspective, it is a normal part of human development for young adult children to leave the home, develop their own identities, and live separately from their parent(s). Of course, there can be differences in cultural norms. Do you and your partner happen to come from different cultural backgrounds?

Do you think he would be open to couple's counseling?

(to be clear, I am not offering such services nor can I provide counseling of any kind over this platform)

Do you know where to look to find a couple's counselor near you, in the event that your partner agrees to go?

Here is a link to the website for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. If you scroll down just a touch on the page it takes you to, you'll see a link to a "Therapist Locator" on the left(ish) side and a link to "Psychology Today" on the right(ish) side. Clicking on either (or both!) of the "Go" buttons under one of those two headings should get you started on locating a licensed mental health professional near you that may be able to help!

Now that we've covered that, would you like to look at some options for your question about what you might be able to do in terms of communicating with your partner?

Ok, great! What's your experience level with having hard (potentially uncomfortable or tense) conversations while remaining grounded and calm?

That's pretty normal! Most people are surprised that there are ways to have tough conversations without allowing ourselves to get overwhelmed by the emotions. It does require some practice and self-awareness so don't feel bad if you don't get it right the first time!

Would it be ok if I sent you a handout with some information on how to initiate these types of conversations?

I'll give you a few minutes to look that over and then we can chat about anything you'd like me to clarify. I think I have some other handouts that you might like, too!

I'm sorry to hear that; it sounds like your relationship feels quite challenging to you at times.

Here are several additional informational handouts and worksheets; hopefully, these will help you identify some strategies for initiating a more productive conversation with your partner. In terms of dealing with his mental health challenges, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has several resources for family and loved ones of individuals with mental illness. They even offer online support groups! You can find more info on resources available through NAMI here.