I am 23 years old man and in a relationship with a girl for…

Question

Hi there. I am 23 years old man and in a relationship with a girl for 4 months.
I am deeply in love with her and we have a great relationship. My question for
you is up to what point should you be honest with your girlfriend ? We recently
started doing long distance a few weeks ago as we both moved cities for a while.
Anyways I have been surrounded by beautiful women here at my university where I
am studying for a semester and regretably I admit that I was guilty of a little
bit of emotional cheating, just a little bit of flirting but on one occasion I
crossed the line when a girl came up to me and said she wanted to sleep with me
and I admitted I thought she was hot and that i did too but I have a girlfriend.
I felt guilty about this and so when my girlfriend came to visit me this past
week I told her as I wanted to be honest. This had really opened up old wounds
for her and has caused suspicions of me in her head although she said she
forgave me. The thing is I didnt tell her everything just the most important
details about it but i did intentionally leave things out as I didnt want to
further complicate the relationship or hurt her any more. For example the night
after this event with the other girl happened I bumped into that girl again as
she was with a group of friends i have in common. A few of us went into a bar
and I bought her a shot stupidly and we were together alone at the bar although
I did my best to not overly flirt with her and I wasnt with her very long.
Should I have included this detail to my gf who already is apprehensive about me
living apart from her and surrounded frequently by friends or acquaintences who
are women ? She told me the last time we saw each other that we tell each other
everything.Any advice would be greatly appreciated,Peace ✌️

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything
else the Psychologist should be aware of?

I am also quite scrupulous with morality in general and i am beating myself up
about this. I am seeing her again in a couple of days and this plays around in
my head. I fear if i tell her nothing good will come out of this and i dont want
to hurt her again. I have learned my lesson and am more committed than ever to
her now. Should i just let this go or should i tell her this little detail and
ressurrect old wounds again? I dont know what to do. I know that if i tell her
this it will cause her further suspicion about the girl in question even though
i have no more interest in her. Please help. Thank you

S Ressler · Accepted Answer

Hi there,

That is a difficult situation, as there is no 'right' or 'wrong' as to how you
should approach things. It will be depend on what you feel is fair to your
relationship and what is right within your personal value system. Some people
feel it is okay to flirt and interact with others, whereas other people view
that as cheating; some people view emotional cheating as more detrimental than
physical cheating; while some people feel like everything is fine as long as no
physical intimacy occurs. So there is a wide range of acceptance, all based upon
the individual person and the relationship. My guess is that you view some of
the behaviors as crossing the line, otherwise you would not be concerned nor
feel the need to disclose the information to her. I would encourage you to play
out the future as best you can in your mind; fast forward 6 months and try to
evaluate if you feel that you will feel guilty about whether or not you disclose
the information to her. If you feel that you are comfortable with moving forward
without telling her, and that you feel you have not crossed any lines that need
to be disclosed to her; then I would encourage you not to tell her. If you feel
that not telling her is going to be on your mind and the guilt will continue,
then it would be beneficial to tell her.

What I can say is that generally speaking, you did not cross a line that would
warrant a consensus view that you 'need' to tell her; that does not mean you
should not or that it is not the right thing for you; but this is your
discretion. I know this may not feel like it is giving you an answer; but it is
the best answer that can be given being the answer lies in your value system.

I am 23 years old man and in a relationship with a girl for…

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