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I don’t know if it’s time to leave my boyfriend? I’m really…

Customer Question

I don’t know if...

I don’t know if it’s time to leave my boyfriend? I’m really stuck He has changed since his dog got put down in the begging of our relationship, his priority isn’t me anymore, he gets in moods for no reason and doesn’t know if he wants to be with me, he’s lashed out shouted punched doors, last week he pushed me twice called me ugly, threatened me, and spat on me and he keeps messing with my head is mental and emotional abuse he keeps saying he will get help but he hasn’t and he hasn’t changed

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

He has changed since his dog got put down in the begging of our relationship, his priority isn’t me anymore, he gets in moods for no reason and doesn’t know if he wants to be with me, he’s lashed out shouted punched doors, last week he pushed me twice called me ugly, threatened me, and spat on me and he keeps messing with my head is mental and emotional abuse he keeps saying he will get help but he hasn’t and he hasn’t changed

Submitted: 4 years ago.Category: Relationship

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I’m really stuck I need to leave him I know I can do better and I deserve better but I’m scared of being on my own and the heart ache if I left him but I’m not happy

Answered in 10 hours by:

5/24/2019

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 11,526

Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

Verified

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post now and I am very sorry to know about this very painful and frustrating situation. Could you pelase tell me for how long have you been together and confirm he has not done anything about these serious issues of abuse and manipulation?

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Hello. I wonder if you still want to discuss your situation.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

What you mean?

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

You posted this question two days ago but never replied to my questions for clarification, which most times happen when people are not interested any longer on getting a response. No problem.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Since November and no he hasn’t, I just want to know what shall I do? He always puts his mates first also

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Thank you for replying. WHat you have described here shows a pervasive pattern of severe mental, emotional, verbal and physical abuse, and a person that feels comfortable promising changes and end of the abuse he perpetrates, but who consistently continues hurting you over and over again, showing his nice words are pure manipulation, then if tolerated, enabled even more, leading to further pain and suffering.

This is why I strongly agree with your insight not only about what you deserve, but your need, right and responsibility to have a person who at least respects you and treats you in acceptable ways. I'd say no romantic relationship is worthy at all unless you have an excellent level of respect, caring, affection, honesty and accountability. This person's long-term actions don't show any of these basic requirements, so please do nto continue tolerating/enabling , so exposing yourself to anymore of it, if what you expect is a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

you think I should stay away and that he’s not going to change?

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Correct, based on your post, there is nothing showing this person has any significant willingness to even acknowledge his serious issues, thus taking even more from him, would most times enable further abuse and dysfunction.

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

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