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Is it okay if it is about my ex-boyfriend to see the chance…

Hey, is it okay...

Hey, is it okay if it is about my ex-boyfriend to see the chance of us getting back together?

Expert's Assistant: Hello. How can I help?

He broke up with me three days ago. I tried to get him back when he first told me to break up because everything seemed going very well and it was shocking to me. We've only been together three months and he thinks that our relationship is not gonna work through summer since we're both in college, but he said he will probably still like me after summer, and he just cannot have a relationship right now cause he has to figure everything out by himself. I think one of the reasons may also be I have stronger feelings for him than him to me. I started no contacting right after the day we broke up. I refused to be friends with him and tried to be just polite to him after we broke up. We have some classes together and I found he is trying to avoid me now although I changed a seat too. What does this mean? Is he trying to move on? Do I still have a chance with him? Thank you!!

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

I think it's pretty much all about it.

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Answered in 27 minutes by:

5/22/2019

Counselor: LeahLMSW, Social Worker replied 4 years ago

LeahLMSW, Social Worker

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 3,683

Experience: 14 years experience working with people to optimize their satisfaction with themselves, their lives, and their relationships.

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Hi, thank you for writing. My name is***** sorry to hear about this breakup. It is so hard to lose someone, especially when we are curious and hopeful about the relationship. Unfortunately, it's really hard to tell whether or not this person is going to seek to get back with you. One of the common reasons that men break up with women early on in a relationship is because they thought the woman came on too strong or was more advanced in her feelings. It sounds like this is maybe part of what happened here? If so, you are going to have to lay low. You have to show him that you can keep the distance you have already established and give him the chance to start to miss you and wonder why you haven't called. That restraint on your part is respectful of what he asked for and puts you in a good light.
I'd say in a matter of ten days to two weeks, it makes sense for you to reach out to him in a very casual way. Sending him a text along the lines of " thinking about you, miss you. " Is one way to show him that you haven't really moved on completely but you aren't pressing him because your message does not need a reply. If he responds, that is great. And if not, that will help you continue to do your best to move on, at least for the summer. Who knows what the future will bring but if you do get a chance to talk, you want to be very clear on what you want out of the relationship so you don't live in limbo.
Happy to chat nore if you'd like!-Leah

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Okay thank you! But he said he needs a long time to be alone when he broke up with me and said he probably won't have a girlfriend for months. I told him that I'll give him time till the end of summer and try my best not to disturb him before that. I'll stay with no contact, but do you think it would be too early to contact him after a week or ten days? Thanks!I also want to know why he's trying to avoid me. Thank you!

Counselor: LeahLMSW, Social Worker replied 4 years ago

He is probably trying to do you both a favor and avoid an awkward exchange or even more likely, he has no clue what he's doing. He is probably equally confused about what your feeling and so is just going to avoid contact because it feels unpredictable to him as well. If you have the chance to approach him first in a class, that might be a good way to feel it out. You could say something playful to break the ice like "Your not avoiding me, are you? How have you been?" Since you guys can't actually completely avoid each other, I think it would be easier to try to maintain some gentle contact rather than uncomfortable distance.. is that what you would prefer?

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I'm just not sure what to do now cause I've heard that staying no contact for a while to wait for him to reach out might be a better idea. I like him very much and we both are pretty sure that we have something different. I don't want to give him the feeling that I'm okay with staying friends with him. So I'm just confused about what to do rn.do you suggest that I should break the ice and reach out to him first?

Counselor: LeahLMSW, Social Worker replied 4 years ago

If you want to be together and you are seeing him anyway, yes, I say you try to initiate contact and see what happens. Not a profession of love - approach him in a non-confrontational, soft" or playful way and see if he welcomes the interaction. I personally strongly advocate for people to speak their minds and lay their feelings out to be grabbed or rejected rather than not ever speak up. But I do agree with your first point and think there is an art of timing, and right now, it is ideal to play it cool.

LeahLMSW, Social Worker

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 3,683

Experience: 14 years experience working with people to optimize their satisfaction with themselves, their lives, and their relationships.

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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

Okay, I'll wait for a while to act then. Thank you!

Counselor: LeahLMSW, Social Worker replied 4 years ago

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