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My girlfriend and have had a rough year. I always had good…

My girlfriend and have had...

My girlfriend and have had a rough year. I always had good intentions but always let insecurities , jealousy and just being a asshole when it comes to dealing with my emotions. I haven’t physically cheated on her but when times got bad between us instead of fixing shit with her I would message other woman sexually to take out my fraustrations. It was a problem. I personally think that I have learned my lesson from this and don’t plan on going back to that kind of person. I have been that person for a while and I have hurt other people. Seeing her cry time and time again Becsude of my mistakes and dumb choice is enough I don’t want to see her cry no more or hurt no more because of my. I have told her that I want to marry her and I always have and I want her for the rest of my life! This isn’t desperation it’s just want I want between us a happy family. I have ruined the trust. Everyday we will be good and than she gets in her head and starts looking back through old messages and things that I have done to betray her. My question is how do I fix this. How do I rebuild trust. I’m scared to lose the person I love because i was an asshole. She tells me she still loves me so much but doesn’t think I will change!

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Answered in 28 minutes by:

1/8/2019

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 11,216

Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

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Hello. I am sorry to know you still find yourself struggling this much with this situation. Everything I suggested you work on previously remains the same. You need to review the previous question and carefully reflect on what you need to work on to gradually support her healing, your own improvement, and your potential full reconciliation.

As long as you do not take into account everything we discussed previously and take consistent actions, it would be unrealistic to expect any significant improvement, no matter who much your torment yourself or want her to heal.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

It is getting better. It’s just hard!

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

I am glad to hear that. Of course, it is hard, it cannot be easy after everything that happened.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

It just sucks when she goes back and digs up what I did. I also found out she use to be an escort and it was something she hid from me. I have let that go and still chose to be with her despite everything I know this situation is really messed up I know we both love each other and I really do want it to work and I hope if I keep working at it , things will get better.

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

It is still fresh that's why it feels like that and it will take time so please be patient. Now what you just found out is shocking and concerning, since couples do not use to hide information like this when committed. Again, you need to be mindful and clear about what you want and can afford, without denying any concern, red flag or issue, in that way you would not regret things later.

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

she has had a rough life and didn’t like talking about it and I understand why she wouldn’t want me to find out!!! I just don’t understand why she can’t see that I chose to move past what I just found out because I love her. I’m jealous but I understand why she did it. That’s another story! And yet she can’t get over some stupid text messages I never meant. She tried to say don’t try to wash your mistakes with my past and she is right but like I’m trying to show her that I’m forgiving and that I just want to move on and be happy together so I guess like you said it will just take time.

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Right. One more reason to be patient and keep working on it. Rushing cannot help but undermine things for you.

Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 11,216

Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

Verified

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Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

Hello. I hope you could rate my response. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible.

Thank you,

Rafael

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I’ve recently have got engaged with my now fiancé. The thing is she is telling me she is having bad dreams nightmares about me cheating and it than when I talk to her she is mad at me and it ruins our day it’s really rough. I bought tickets for her to Mexico and we stayed for a month and I thought it would help. But every second day it seems she’s crying I know she still needs to heal and it’s a process for me and her. And I can’t rush it. But what are some things she can do to help her with the process and put her in the right mind state. Or help her get to the right place.

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

I am glad to know you were able to reconcile and then commit. But it is concerning to know she has been having problems with you because of her nightmares about you cheating. Is this correct, is that what you mean? Is eh having constant nightmares about that which are affecting her mood and behavior towards you?

Customer reply replied 4 years ago

I didn’t even physically cheat it was all text. But she having dreams of me physically cheating. I really think her issues lie beyond what I have done. But I’m no doctor!

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

I am sorry to hear that, then you need to be patient, empathetic, compassionate and supportive. Stick to your commitment to never fail in the area again.

Now, if she continues to present these nightmares, it would be evident to me that she requires psychotherapeutic support, since they could show she has strong conflicts caused by her past and triggered by present events, and without her working on her healing, she could find herself acting out pain from past experiences, and even overreacting or presenting dysfunctional behavior out of her past painful experiences.

Counselor: Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist replied 4 years ago

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