I hate my now ex boyfriend so much it literally keeps me…

I hate my now ex boyfriend so much it literally keeps me awake at night. He cheated on me lied to me and than did it over and over again. Hes a compulsive liar and chronic cheater. I stuck with him through so much. Hes also a chronic gambler with a bad addiction to the slot machines aka sweepstake machines in utah. I stayed with him while he was broke and gave him more chances than he deserved after he cheated on me multiple times. He has no remorse about any of it. I hate him so much. Its literally eating me up inside. Im si stressed! I cant sleep and my skin is breaking out so bad. Plus to make it worse that asshole just won like $3000. In the last couple days gambling and made sure to call and brag about it to me. He promised me he would help me financially through out the relationship with different bills that we incurred and never did. I always ended up paying them by myself. Now hes got all thjs money and didnt even offer to help with any of the things he said he would. Not to mention i loaned him money and he stiffed me on that too. I hate him so much. He cheated on me so many times and made so many promises to me that he never kept. Some of the times he cheated on me were with prostitutes that he paid for sex either with drugs or money. This resentment and hatred I have for him are killing me inside and eating me alive. Ive been crying on and off and been so torn up inside over this breakup and he literally doesnt seem to care at all. He has barely texted or called and its clear that he doesnt really care that much that its over. Since he made no effort to try and change my mind and even waited like 3 days before even calling me. I know that I am better off without him. He treated me like shit and lied to me all the time. Because of all the cheating and lying my self esteem, confidence and just overall ability to trust myself or anyone else has plummeted so low its almost non existant. How do I move on and stop hating my ex?

Expert's Assistant: This sounds like a can of worms I'm glad not to have to open. The Psychologist will do a great job for you. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

Other than im a hot glorified mess? No. Im just so sad and depressed. I have so much anger towards my ex and I feel so much self hate for some reason on top of all the hatred and resentment I have towards my ex. Overall I am just vert depressed and sad and having a really hard time getting over everything that happened. Im so mad at myself for some reason. I mean what is wrong with me? Why did he cheat on me in the first place. What is wrong with me that he felt he had to cheat on me? I feel so ugly and unattractive. Im such a dumbass for even caring about an asshole that never really cared about me in the first place. I have given up so many things to make our relationship work and I never cheated on him or anything like that. Even after I caught him cheating (it had been going on for 6months or more and there were at least 3 or 4 different girls he cheated on me with) he continued to text and contact the people involved in the cheating. Of course he promised me he would be loyal and that he would stop communicating with them but I found texts and one time I even found a dick pick, AND a message to one of the prostitutes he would get regular blow jobs from, asking her if or should I say begging her to have sex with him. Im not normally a jealous or insecure person but ever since this I keep finding more stuff out and it keeps adding fuel to the fire. I recently found out he likes to search and watch teenage girls doing porn. I mean im only 34 and its not like im unattractive but knowing this just makes me feel so old and unsexy. Its not like my ex is drop dead gorgeous or anything and overall most people would not even say hes cute. So why am I letting myself be so cut down because he likes to look at girls half my age having sex and thats what turns him on. Not to mention all but one of the girls he cheated on me with were in therw early to mid 20's. My ex is 39 almost 40 so im actually 5 years younger than him. Why do I feel so depressed and old? It makes me feel so undesirable that he would rather pay a prostitute or watch porn than have sex with me. I feel like I am a good lover and attentive to my partner. Ever since he started cheating our sex life has never been the same and I feel deeply hurt by this. God. i wish I knew what was wrong with me so i could fix it. I feel like there has to be something deeply wrong with me or he wouldn't have cheated on me in tbe first place. I have been crying so much. I need help.