My boyfriend who I've known for 20 yrs and I decided to try…

Hello, thank you for being here, and for being this open about such a painful situation. it seems obvious from your story that you really allowed yourself to love this person giving him a second chance while he was in jail, and all his behavior during that phase seemed to confirm your longings and affection, which made you felt more confident and hopeful about the relationship.

Unhappily, what you report happened after your encounter, is truly shocking and painful no matter how we may try to approach it. it is true that people react in different ways to grief, and his radical change of behavior could be related to the loss of his sister, but there is no way for us to know that. You have known this person for 20 years, thus based on all that experience what do you truly believe is going on here? Was this person so attached to his family and sister to the point of suffering so much because of his loss, what may have led to this radical transformation towards you?

If he was not that attached to her sister and family, and now there is nothing from past experiences that could justify this abandonment as you called it, then it would make perfect sense for you to believe this person was not totally honest during those months you got back in the relationship. Please remember this: A person's words are important and powerful, but it is his/her actions in the long run what show you the real nature of his feelings and intentions. You said you dated before, so why d8id your relationship ended before? Were there any lack of honesty issues, neglect, manipulation or abuse involved leading to the end of your relationship?

Remember, depending on the concrete actions from the past showing you the level of honesty, accountability, maturity, caring and affection this person offered to you, you should assess the quality of his behavior, intentions and, affection in the present. It does not mean that every person who used to be nice and good in the past, should be accepted as OK if abusive, neglectful or manipulative in the present. it means that most times, there is consistency in long periods of time between an individual's core values, personality, lifestyle, and ways, with their words and actions.

You are wise by not trying to contact him again once he has already rejected your initiatives and asked you to stop contacting him. These present words and behaviors do not show respect, caring for your feelings nor gratitude at all. We do not know the real reason for him to mistreat you like that, but we know this is not healthy for you, and you still need to take good care of yourself. If this person cares about you, he would change his ways and come back to you, apologize, ask for forgiveness and consistently show you through words and actions that he deserves you. Until that happens, please do not expose yourself, or be vulnerable to any further mistreatment or neglect, since your first need, right and responsibility is to take good care of yourself. Tiem will tell if this person is really the one who dese4rves you and your affection. Does it make sense?