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I have slowly over time ruined my relationship by being

I have slowly over...

I have slowly over time ruined my relationship by being needy for attention and not being able too show her how i felt untill she said she wanted to leave !

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

I have made stupid comments at times because it was the way i got attention!not great attention but it was attention !i have told her excatky how i feel about her and why i said the things i did and she nkw says her head is an absolute mess and why did i not tell her before !my answer was i didnt know how and am still not sure i know!

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

We have a 7 year old boy and 4 year old girl !she was on antidepressant for a while and said they didnt take the edge off and then suddenly stopped taking them since then i am on antidepressant and due for some councilling!she works in a pub as the manager and does about 65 hours a week and still doesnt shut off at home the kids are missing out on her aswell and i have told her this probably not in a way she needed to hear it like making her feel guilty

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Answered in 1 day by:
4/2/2018
Carlett F
Carlett F, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 81
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice
Verified

Hello! Welcome to JustAnswer. Thank you for your question. I’m CarlettF LPC and I can help you today. I'll be back shortly with my reply!

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Hello,

Now that you are aware of how your behavior has hurt your relationship you can now began to change it. It is good that you are considering counseling, a good counselor can help you learn new healthy approaches to conversations with your partner that are positive and constructive, even about issues that are problematic in your relationship.

You have very valid reasons for being concerned about your children's mother working all the time and not giving them the time and attention that they need and there needs to be a change made but she has to recognize that a change is needed. If the two of you can attend counseling together or even family counseling as a family (recommended), I believe the best results can be achieved.

Sometimes the frustration of the situation and the lack of knowledge about the best way to address it can cause us to take actions that we sometimes regret. You are now aware that your former way of addressing your partner has not been productive for the relationship so in the meantime while you are establishing a good working relationship with a therapist for yourself or your family, try to refrain from the needy behavior and take care in the way you talk to your partner when expressing your frustrations. Even your honest effort in these areas will make a difference to her.

Best Regards, Carlett

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My goal is to provide you with excellent service. If you're satisfied with my assistance, your 5-star rating at this time is appreciated. If you have any further questions, don't hesitate to ask!

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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
What if she is so far into her descion and thinks there is no turning back from it ?

If she has made up her mind that she wants to leave and there is no turning back from it, you have to accept her decision and let her go for now. However, you can still work on improving yourself and learn more effective ways of interacting and communicating in relationships. If you really do the work, it will help you tremendously and this will translate over to the continued communications and interactions you must have with her because of the kids.

It is highly likely that she will see the difference in you also knowing that you have been putting in the work to become a better person through therapy which will probably cause her to reconsider her decision about the relationship.

It may even inspire her to do the same and change some of the things that she too have been doing that are not productive to family life like "working all the time."

Whether she will or wont stay, you will not know until you have a conversation with her about the two of you taking some serious steps to improve your relationship. Remember, you have also, if you have not already, got to acknowledge to her that you have been wrong and that you should have communicated earlier and more diplomatically your feelings towards her and that going forward you will do a lot better.

Carlett

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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
I have told her all this and she said that i have said all the right things but she still needs space to think!she does 65 plus hours a week its almost as if we have switched roles and she feels left out she has told me this and also that she is jealous of the time i have with the kids!she adament that she doesn't need to go back to the doctors but who knows what is going on in her head!

Ok, you give her her space to think..... at this point the best thing will be to back off and give her what she is asking for... In the meantime you focus on You. Whether you continue in a relationship with her or not, you will need to heal some wounds within yourself that occurred during the relationship and learn better communication and behavioral patterns for having healthier relationships in the future.

As you said only she knows what is going on in her head. You can not worry about that.

Carlett

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Hello,

We spoke yesterday, is there anything further I can help you with regarding this question? Are you satisfied with my response to your question?

Carlett

Carlett F
Carlett F, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 81
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice
Verified
Carlett F and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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