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Neighborhood dispute... what’s the best option? We live in a…

Neighborhood dispute... what’s the best...
Neighborhood dispute... what’s the best option?We live in a condominium community where duplex condo units are facing each other across the center shared driveway.We had a big dispute with the neighbor last year who lives right across from us because they had a party in the middle of the driveway blocking in front of our garage. When we asked them to move and bring it to their own backyard, they told us we have some entitlement issue and stop “harassing” them. Unfortunately they started calling names and started being aggressive verbally, we called police. Police didn’t/ couldn’t do anything because there was no real crime. That gave them more confidence and told us that they didn’t do anything wrong.
Afterwards, our other neighbors and we got together and sent them a signed letter addressing the issue including other issues we were tolerating before. This neighbor have been troublesome to others other than this big incident. They parked their car overnight in front of their garage, basically blocking the part of our shared driveway. We’ve been ver nice and civil about it and told them many time nicely not to do it. Anyways when they received the letter, they got even more upset and called it “harassment”.
Then the other day, this neighbor honked at us while backing out of their garage because we parked our car in front of our garage unloading our groceries. We called them and told them it was very rude and unnecessary. Then again this neighbor brought up that incident from before and stop harassing them.
They also sent us very rude text messages too.Today, we realized our Amazon package was missing. The carrier sent us the delivery picture showing that it was placed in front of the door. But nothing was there when we looked. It was stolen. We have no evidence but our unit is at the end of the shared driveway, no one except us and our troublesome neighbor ( and their visitors) can really see our front door.
We are afraid that our neighbor is taking some kind of revenge on us.
Maybe paranoid? Maybe. But I don’t know what’s the best option for us. More direct confrontation will go anywhere from our experience so far.
The issue was simple at first: do not do any activities on the shared driveway, do not park the cars overnight because it blocks our driveway.
Now it became something else like they are personally attacking us- they glare at us in a very hostile way, they honk at us, belittling & rude personal attack messages and now a missing delivered packages..
(Although we can’t prove they have anything to do with it, the timing is perfect)Any wise option for us? Except keep ignoring and avoiding them??Do you guys have any counseling expert if it’s about that??Thanks!!
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Answered in 17 hours by:
3/30/2018
Josie-Mod
Josie-Mod, Moderator
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Hi, I'm Josie, a moderator for this topic.
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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Hi Josie, thanks for reaching out. Any reason why I’m not getting any response? Also I’m not getting any charge during this free trial phase right? As I paid $36 for my first question??
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 447
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Oh dear, I am so sorry you are dealing with such horribly rude neighbors! I can't even begin to imagine how stressful this must be for you and your family.

A couple of questions....are you renters in the condo unit? Or, are you actual owners of the unit? Does the building have a condo board? If so, have you gone before them with other tenants who have complaints about these same individuals for assistance?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Hello! Thank you so much for your reply!
We own this condo. There is HOA and when we reported the incident they just issued an violation letter. (More details in my original post) We asked HOA to assist and mediate, but they made it clear that they don’t get involved in the dispute between neighbors. That’s why we ( us and other neighbors who share the same center driveway) wrote the petition letter together and send it to them. The letter was very nice. But I don’t think they are thinking any logically or rationally. They are just taken over by the rage, and just very very upset about the whole neighborhood came against them and in their eyes it’s our fault and us being evil and harassing them. Probably their ego got hurt. Since then they are very hostile, glare at us, honk at us , Unbelievably immature. It’s just very toxic. We gets really stressed everytime we see them. We thought about talking to them again but it doesnt seem like a good idea to try explaining or reasoning anything at this point, and afraid that it will just give them an opportunity to attack us again (verbally). I just don’t get it. Why cant they just get over it and move on? They are the one who broke the rule and inconvenienced all neighbors and talking trash. What can/should we do?

Good morning and thank you so much for your response.

My goodness, your letter to these individuals is kind, considerate and beyond appropriate. I can't imagine it more gently stated and the fact they consider this "harassment" is baffling and is testament to their overall instability.

I am at least pleased to hear you are not alone in this....that there are other tenants who have similar experiences and feel similarly. I do believe this provides some comfort although I imagine the daily stress of encounters with them are exhausting and troubling.

Do you have any reason to believe they may be leaving the complex anytime soon? Do they own their unit or rent their unit? I do understand the HOA not wanting involvement and am wondering if they offer fines/additional fees for multiple violations? I'm also curious if they have paid all general HOA fees? If not, could they be asked to leave for unpaid fees? Has any of the other residents connected with an attorney by chance?

I don't recommend speaking with these individuals again as I fear they are irrational and can't be reasoned with. For whatever reason, they see themselves as the victims and refuse to take responsibility.

Yes, I do think you need to ignore them but I'm wondering if recording their insults/harassment with your camera on your phone might allow you to either press charges or allow for a legal suit??

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like pure hell and I can't imagine not having a place to call home that does not feel safe and comfortable.

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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Thank you for the reply again, I think what’s most confusing about this is that, like you said, they act/speak like they are the victims. Even then, calling names and making it into personal attack is beyond immature. Well... to us.. in our view. I’m not used to dealing with people like them snd it’s pretty shocking. Legal pursuit crossed my mind when I was really upset but then again I feel like it’s waste of time and money, although I’m sure we will win the case considering the amount of records and other neighbors support. Then again.. How to forgive people like this and move on positively?! Especially if you see them everyday,as a reminder almost , and they don’t show any remorse or rather they keep making personal attacks? Ignoring takes effort and makes me so angry inside everytime I see them. Do people go to court for something like this?? It almost feel childish. What will I get anyway at the end? Unless they move, they will still be there

Thank you for your message. Ahhhh yes, the victim mentality always baffles me but it is the response of an individual who refuses to take responsibility for his/her issues....forcing blame on the other. I have the sneaking suspicion that these individuals create chaos everywhere they go and my guess is they grew up in chaotic environments as well. Sadly individuals like this don't feel alive unless they are stirring the pot. In other words, the chaos and crazy feels so familiar that it feels like home for them.

Whenever I'm struggling with forgive an individual for something when they have not taken responsibility for their actions, I imagine them to be small children in a horribly toxic home. My immediate urge would be to rescue to somehow provide love to them. No doubt these individuals are responding from a place of pain in their past. Please force yourself to send them love and/or say a prayer for them every time you encounter them. Strangely this will (in time) make it very difficult to stay angry at them.

At the end of the day, you want your family to be happy and content and sadly this is the only way you can have your own peace and happiness. Does this make sense?

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Good evening,I just wanted to check in as I haven't heard from you. Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can assist you with? I gently request you provide a star rating for me so I may be compensated. Of course, we can continue to talk after a rating is provided. Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.Warm regards,Leslie
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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
Thanks Leslie,
Sorry for my late reply.
We have ups and downs. Hopefully they will get over it soon. We don't really have problem unless they create one.
Are you familiar with any mental-disease related to this kinda of traits in person though? I'm not sure what it really is myself, but this neighbor tells us "stop making things up" (about what? they received the violation letter from HOA too, and we have police report, we have other witnesses too?? ) "I never said F*you" (which they clearly did multiple times).. "You never take responsibilities for what you did" (What did we do? we simply just asked them to stop inconveniencing neighbors..) "It's always us us us us" (but it's about what they did.?lol ...ok i don't mean to laugh here but it's kind of crazy-funny! at this point) We are very confused!!! I never met anyone who lies like this... it's crazy!! unbelievable!! It's possible that he is just protecting himself (he thinks, at least) by denying the wrongs he did on the written format (texts), in case if it gets to the court.???? But it's pretty low, and almost embarrassing, (if it was me), to be like this? For a very stubborn and proud person like our neighbor, I just can't comprehend this.
I will provide star ratings, as I know it's never-ending unless I stop getting bothered by it. ;/
I'd appreciate your insight on the mental part.. I'm very curious.Thanks!

Hum....it's difficult to say without having met them. I'm feeling perhaps a personality of sorts...perhaps antisocial or narcissistic. They have obviously re-written history as a way of not owning any piece that may be there's. Sadly these are people who can't be reasoned with....in other words, the conventions that you and I both prescribe to are not effective with them. It's impossible to reason with folks like this and it's impossible to get them to take responsibility. My approach would be to completely disconnect so you are not longer engaging in any game they are playing. I would internally send them love with each encounter as they are truly unhappy and miserable. I am so sorry this is your reality as I imagine it was such a peaceful community prior to their arrival.

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
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Satisfied Customers: 447
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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