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Me and my ex fiance have separated the relationship really…

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Me and my ex fiance...
Me and my ex fiance have separated the relationship really unofficially ended 14 months ago he never broke up with me in the history of the 4 Yeats we were together we are not in each others lives he doesn't call or explain anything but still says I love you and sends me money from time to time what do you think is really going on?
Submitted: 27 days ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 7 hours by:
3/29/2018
Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 26 days ago
Carlett F
Carlett F, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice
Verified

Hello! Welcome to JustAnswer. Thank you for your question. I’m CarlettF LPC and I can help you today. I'll be back shortly with my reply!

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Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 26 days ago

Hello,

I believe that what may be going on here is that your ex fiance really does still love you and he is still concerned for your needs which is why he sends you money. However, the circumstances surrounding your breakup prevents you from remaining in a relationship, at least currently.

Sometimes a relationship with someone is just not possible for whatever reason, it does not mean we stop loving the other person or caring for them.

Have you reached out to him to ask him why he is saying I love you and sending you money? If not, it may be a good idea to call him just to satisfy your need to know. There may even be a chance that the relationship is really not over and that the two of you just needed some time apart.

I suggest you consider reaching out, at least once. Otherwise you will never know.

I hope this helps..best regards

Carlett

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Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 26 days ago

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Customer reply replied 26 days ago
Well I did ask him why he walked out of my life and he says if I don't know he's not gonna tell me changes the subject gets mad and I've been asking for 14 months I don't know what to think or how to feel with these mixed signals
Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 26 days ago

Ok, I see,

Given this additional information, my assessment would be that he is a Controller. He probably has always been controlling in the relationship. Now that the relationship is over, he wants to control you emotionally by refusing to explain his dismissive behavior, using anger and probably aggression. To keep you hanging on and prevent you from moving on, he turns around and send you sweet "I love you" messages and money. He wants it both ways, no commitment to you but yet still have access to you through your mind and heart. You can not allow him to continue to manipulate you like this. This is both Manipulative and Abusive ( emotionally).

My suggestion is that you first recognize this for what it is, then cut him off entirely...Its been 14 months, that's over a year. He is not going to tell you why he broke it off so stop asking him. You are not going to always get closure from the other person like you should...sometimes we have to give ourselves closure. Make up in your mind and heart that it is ok... obviously he is not the man for you, If he was, he would have communicated his feelings, problems, issues to you like a mature man 14 months ago with the goal of working on your relationship to make it better. He did not do that instead he left knowing he would leave you confused and hurting. Do not allow him to continue to play with you. There really is only one signal here that you should pay attention to, that is that he is "Full of It". You need to go " No Contact" and if he sends you any more money, send it back. That will shake up his game big time.

Finally, I want to suggest that you go on YouTube and search for " Narcissist" and "Narcissistic abuse". I cant say for sure that he is one, but his behavior as it relates to how he is treating you sure lines up with that of the Narcissistic male in a relationship.... They are notorious for just up and leaving their partners, but yet not freeing them completely.

I hope this helps.... Carlett

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Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 25 days ago
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