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Me and my boyfriend have been going out for four years now,

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Hi! Me and my...

Hi! Me and my boyfriend have been going out for four years now, and over the course of these years he has left me two times and dated other girls just weeks after our breakup. I have forgiven him each time for simply leaving and moving on so fast, because he has also talked to other women while we were together and it often times felt like he was having an affair although I have never been able to confirm it. my problem is that lately he has been distant and he told me that he needed space, he has also not been paying much attention to me often times being very dull and dry in conversation or simply not replying at all. He says he is just figuring thing out with family and money but he always seems to light up around his friends, and he doesnt really ever seem thrilled to see me

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

Yeah, I've developed alot of fear of abandoment because I have been left by him before, even for someone that I thought was my friend. I keep trying to see what I am doing wrong or if maybe I am being too pushy or needy but I just dont understand. Even when I let him do whatever he wants without question he still seems distant. I have grown so insecure and afarid of losing him that I have dreams about him cheating on me almost everyday, some even repeat.

Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 1 hour by:
3/23/2018
Counselor: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago
ASacks
ASacks, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 125
Experience: Psychologist and Life coach
Verified

Welcome to JustAnswer. I am an experienced Psychologist and I work with families and people of all ages. Please give me a little bit of time to formulate an answer and I will respond shortly.

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Counselor: psychlady, Counselor replied 4 months ago
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,893
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
Verified

It sounds like a very toxic relationship that is not benefitting you emotionally. A relationship is not healthy if you have these strong concerns including the relationship ending. You are not pushy or needy if you just want an honest relationship with someone who is distant and unemotional. You should want to know where you stand and have positive communication. It sounds like you are guessing because there is poor communication (probably on his part). For some reason he is not communicating with you and you have anxiety because you don't know where you stand. Add in the fact that he has cheated and you have a hot bed for signs that he is cheating. You have not healed nor have any insight into why he is distant. A healthy relationship never involved poor communication. As far as his cheating, you do feel slighted because he moved on so fast. Those are normal emotions that one feels when they are struggling with the breakup and someone else is not. You feel that they are disrespecting you. You know him and how he reacts to you now that you have a relationship again. Usually when one perceives there is a problem it is because there is a problem. There is the possibility that you are overreacting but you don't know if he won't talk.

It sounds like this relationship has run its course and you are not happy. The key is to be honest with yourself and evaluate if this relationship is worth by continuing to see each other. Your being unhappy is not a sign of a happy and healthy relationship. Question what you are not getting from him and make a decision from there.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you so much.
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