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I'm in a distance relationship. My girlfriend's messaging…

I'm in a long...

I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's messaging and call patterns have changed a lot recently. We've had some arguments. Now she will go out at night, say she will message me when home, and not bother - as an example.

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

Is this a sign that she is not interested anymore or possibly met someone else?

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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
My girlfriend makes a lot of excuses for not calling or checking messages like she used to.
We used to talk after she finished work, which is late night for me (when I should be sleeping). Now she makes excuses to talk after her work.
She has usually prioritised everything else in her life - work and friends.
I feel like she just takes me for granted, and/or that she has started seeing a guy behind my back - i.e. after work each night.My girlfriend used to read and respond to my messages once she woke up - before work.
Now it is like she wants to finish work and then not have contact until she's at work the next day.
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
My girlfriend talks to me and jokes with me like there is no problems and everything is great.
Yet her actions are different. She doesn't check messages or make as much of an effort.
She even got her work friend ask me if she could go to a nightclub with her last night... I've never told my girlfriend that she cannot go out with friends, etc. So much so that she always goes out rather than go home and speak to me - if there's a choice.
Answered in 10 hours by:
3/9/2018
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,011
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Verified

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

If your girlfriend's behavior with you has changed and she won't explain or doesn't have an explanation to you about why, there is likely something she is hiding from you. What that something could be is what is in question. It may be that she is no longer interested in having a long distance relationship. Sometimes people do not realize the effort a long distance relationship takes and back off once they see that it's not easy. It may also be that she doesn't see your relationship as seriously as you do. She may have found it interesting in the beginning, but now she has cooled off. In most relationships, long distance or not, there is an initial excitement about the newness at the very beginning of the relationship. However, once you get a few months in, things cool down a bit. People alter how they interact because that urgency to see each other and interact is not there. So it may be that your girlfriend has simply cooled down a bit now that you have been together a while.

There is also the possibility she is with someone else. A change in behavior that includes you feeling as if you are being ignored may be a sign she is no longer fully in the relationship and could be seeing someone else. Without you both being physically together, she may not see it as serious and therefore is willing to see other people. But this is also a sign that she is not willing to be honest with you about her feelings and that she is willing to continue the relationship with you, ignoring how you feel about her. That is a red flag that either she is not mature enough for a relationship right now, or that she has some issues that need worked through.

It is a good idea to confront her with your feelings and see what she says. If you can, try doing this face to face. But if that is not possible, tell her you need some time to talk to her then explain what you are seeing and what you are feeling. If she accepts what you say and can offer explanations for her behavior, then you can work it out. But if she evades you, puts off telling you why or won't say what is going on, you might want to see that as a sign that she isn't willing to be in a relationship right now. If her actions are not the same as her words, she is not being honest. Having a relationship without trust is not possible.

I hope this has helped you,

MaryAnn

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

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Hello, I haven't heard back from you. Please let me know if you have any further questions. If you are satisfied with your answer, please consider a positive rating which reimburses me for my work. It does not cost extra to rate.

Thank you!

MaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,011
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
I have finished with my question.
Thanks for your help. I have no further questions.
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