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I haven't seen my children in a year and they don't want to…

Customer Question
I haven't seen my...

I haven't seen my children in a year and they don't want to see me. My ex husband is going to let me talk to them on the phone and I have no idea what to say or where to begin.

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

When asked if they wanted to see me my daughter said she had forgotten about me and my son just walked away.

Submitted: 3 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Video Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call.
Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Answered in 1 hour by:
3/9/2018
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 3 months ago
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,824
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Verified

My name is***** ordained minister w/doctorate and 30 years experience in counseling. I may not tell you what you want to hear, but I'll stand by you as I tell you what you need to hear.

---- I am not equipped for the phone services so this is the venue (text) I use. If you're interested in working with me, please let me know and tell me what happened to bring you to this place with your children being alienated.

If you are not interested in using this forum and prefer to wait for a phone call, just let me know and I'll try to help find someone

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
Simply put....drug use and being gone all the time, then divorce and never a stable home for myself
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 3 months ago

Would you like to proceed in this way, via typing? It's less costly to you

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
that's fine
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 3 months ago

OK, so tell me what has been going on. How old are your children, when and how were you separated from them? What was told to them at that time? And what has been going on between then and now?

Take your time - just talk to me

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
15, 10, 9, 7. Divorced 4 years ago, havent seen or talked to them in a her except my oldest I talk to and see him. I sont know what was told to them. Ive been struggling with drug addiction, been incarcerated now in in recovery and probation, which I'm finished April 4th
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 3 months ago

Congratulations on everything you've accomplished! It appears that you've made the choice to be your own person rather than owned by addiction and that's a very hard road to have traveled. You have gone through what had to challenge you on levels most people could never comprehend and I respect you for that. I admire your strength

There's no knowing what your children have been told and you can't really argue the case anyway. People have a way of seeing things just from their point of view, but what matters most is the truth of 'seeing with your own eyes' - in this case, your kids need to learn that you are well, you are clean, sober and on the right path and the only way that matters is with their own eyes.

When you have the opportunity to talk to your eldest, ask him to help you. He can become your greatest support in the family. Ask him what he believes the other children think. Ask him how you might reach each one as an individual.

First and foremost, start with an apology and steer clear of excuses. IE: "Honey, I'm very sorry for not being the mom you deserve. I want another chance and even though you do not owe me that, I believe your heart is big enough to let me try. Will you do that?"

Each child deserves to hear that and with their elder sibling encouraging them to listen you should at least have that door open to you.

Be patient above all. Isn't it better to wait a year and achieve a goal than to rush it and have to wait even longer?

Be honest when they ask about your addiction and incarceration. Keep it simple though. Details can come later. Keep the focus on them and what you hope to have with them for a lifetime to come now that you are the sole owner of yourself

Family counseling can be a wonderful tool, not just for your own interaction with them, but even for their interactions with each other.

I know you want to just erase the mistakes and forget them, moving forward, but amends must be made and like most of us, you have to prove yourself. Unlike most of us, you have to work harder at it.

And whether you know this already or it's something you'll eventually come to know - what you've done to reclaim yourself and what you're doing to rebuild yourself will make you stronger than most of us. I said it earlier and I'll repeat it often, I admire you.

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Customer reply replied 3 months ago
What do I start with, how/where do i start?
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 3 months ago
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