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I have a boyfriend who has a female best friend. I was

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Hi! i have a...

Hi! i have a boyfriend who has a female best friend. I was totally fine with their friendship until she started crossing some boundaries. He seems to think that yeah she did, but is totally fine with it. The boundaries i am referring to are: her sleeping at his place, they work together so they have lunch together everyday & messaging all day & night, they go out together-just them, they are planning at the moment, a holiday to Thailand that us booked for already. I have caught her reading my boyfriends & myself private messages. She has affairs behind her husbands back..& sometimes takes the men to my boyfriends house to have sex with them. The list, honestly goes on & on. She is this really bad person but he dont see it. I have voiced my concerns but he dont listen. I dont know what to do. She has threatened me because of the private messages she read that i wrote about her to my boyfriend.

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

I think i pretty much said it all

Submitted: 6 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 1 hour by:
3/8/2018
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 6 months ago
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 447
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Dear lord above, sweet soul, this is a cluster! My goodness, this woman has far too many issues to even mention but sadly she is not the issue here. You are, no doubt, a strong/confident woman and this is not....even for a single second...about you being insecure. The level of boundaries crossed are beyond shocking.

The part of this equation I am most concerned about is your boyfriend's complete lack of concern about YOUR feelings. Why must you adjust to this level of crazy? This part is completely baffling and his connection to a woman who is so toxic. The fact he allows her to sleep with men in his home supports her horrible behavior and truly makes me question his own moral compass.

At the end of the day, we are defined by our actions. The fact he has not taken action to protect and honor your feelings and the relationship you share speaks volumes. I don't know if he is having a physical affair with this other woman but he is certainly having an emotional affair.

I am so sorry. I realize I am being incredibly blunt and directive. I have to state the obvious though...please, sweet soul, move forward without this man. The company he keeps is toxic and you deserve to be loved and honored.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Thank you. I spoke to him just then & he said he is not willing to give up his only friend for anyone. i never asked him to do that. I told him what boundaries there should be within a friendship..he doesnt seem or knew of any boundaries. He was shocked & confused but when i told him what if the situation was reversed, would he be happy with me having a male friend like that around me? He said no. Honestly, males are so selfish & so stubborn. He said hes still going on holidays with her because he has paid for it. I was not invited by the way. He knew i would not go as i dont have the money & i am a single mum with 2 toddlers. I do work but also pay for child care..doesnt leave me with much. I know what he is thinking, he wants the best of both worlds..he definately wants me because im the only nicest & most decent person he has come across...& he wants his friend, the party goer. She did express her feelings tonight saying she does not want to see me ever again (he was with her & her husband while we spoke on the phone). Her husband was confused as what was going on.
But thank you
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 6 months ago

Wow....I am so incredibly sorry. You sound like such a kind spirit and god knows you deserve so much more for you and your babies. I am also a single mom of little ones and do have to say that not all men are this selfish. If you release yourself from the one you are with, you will find a kind, gentle, sweet man who will love you and your babies like his own. Please hold out for this as this is truly what you deserve. The man you are with is lacking the most basic level of integrity. I am so sorry.

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Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 6 months ago
Good evening,I just wanted to check in as I haven't heard from you. Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can assist you with?I gently request you provide a star rating for me so I may be compensated. Of course, we can continue to talk after a rating is provided.Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.Warm regards,Leslie
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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Hi again,
thank you for the advice. Him & i are talking again. We both said some extremely hurtful things to 1 another last night. I felt relieved actually to get things off my chest. He is sticking to his thoughts though & isnt budging on the whole friendship thing. I dont ask him to completely stop it, i only ask if some boundaries cant be crossed & not spending so much time together & message 1 another all the time. She just needs to step back a little..thats all. He does as well. We message but we have a break from 1 another for about 3 weeks because we have a few things on the weekends. So, we will see what happens. I am complaining, but seriously, when shes not in the picture..constantly messaging him or hanging out,..he is the perfect boyfriend. When she is around, he is a real angry kind of person when they start drinking together.
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 6 months ago

Good evening,

Ohhhh, wonderful! I am so glad he finally listened and made some changes as this was more than necessary. Perfect! I truly hope he creates some distance as I believe she is a bad example.

Please keep me posted on how things are doing as I'm crossing my fingers for you!

Warm regards,

Leslie

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Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 6 months ago
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