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My ex and I were together for 7 years and we split up for…

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My ex and I...

My ex and I were together for 7 years and we split up for reason at the time that are now being seen by me as different.. I miss him and I want him back.. I realized within the last year that we’ve been apart that what I was upset about now holds now weight. What should I do..

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

I broke up with him because he showed me no promise of improvement in our lives and no ambition since our split he has been working towards his own goals in bettering himself and says it’s because he realized I was the best thing to ever happen to him and that what I was asking for wasn’t a bad thing and that he is sorry..

Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 3 hours by:
3/7/2018
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 4 months ago
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 424
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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Hi,

My name is***** a therapist, interpersonal communication professor, and relationship expert. I am so sorry that you are hurting. It sounds like though that this past year has been good for both of you in that you both had a chance to truly think about what is important and what you can live with.

It sounds like both of you are willing to try things again--am I reading that correctly? Are you uncertain about this and want affirmation? Or are you asking for recommendations on how to talk to him in attempts to work on getting back together?

I will respond to you once you get the chance to respond and let me know how best I can help. :)

Thanks,

Dr. Jackie

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I’m concerned with how my family will react, he’s never hurt me in anyway other than disappointment from time to time which I’m guilty of as well. I do feel as if this last year has been good for us and that I’d be willing to try again especially after how long we’ve been together, love doesn’t just go away! We have no children together and that was a large issue we are not married and that was as well.. we have begun speaking again and it’s kind of been brought up in such a way that he would be willing to give me the things I’m interested in having in my life such as marriage and children. I am 26 and he is 31 he has 1 child already.. I’m just confused on if I’m feeling feelings that are silly or invalid.. or if what I am feeling is okay. What signs to look for and what questions to ask you know ?
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 4 months ago

Hi again,

The first thing you mentioned is how your family will react. Does this mean they disapprove of him? Or perhaps they do not think he is right for you? If this is what you are saying, then what reasons do they have if they would not be happy for you getting back together? I certainly am not saying they are right or that they are wrong. But all of us do get "blinded" by falling in love and sometimes we miss or overlook or justify things that our family and close friends pick up on because they are not the individual in love and they can be more objective that we are. So I'd like to hear any objections that they may have and why.

I also want to make sure I understand--getting married and having children is important to you. And this would certainly be a deal breaker for many people, both male and female, if their partner was against it or maybe at least leaning against it. Getting back together with someone who does not have the same end goal is a bad idea because there can only be arguing and fighting about such important things.

I apologize if I'm missing something, but it does not seem like you have anything to be embarrassed about. I mean, I would never try to invalidate ANYONE'S feelings--we cannot help or have control over what we feel--only what we choose to do or how to react. But if you are wondering if your thoughts regarding family approval (if I understood correctly) and wanting to make sure he wants kills are silly or not, they absolutely ARE NOT SILLY. These are major life goals. Wanting to be with someone who feels the same way and breaking up if they don't is a very wise (although painful) and mature thing to do.

With regard to signs to look for or questions to ask--do you mean in getting him to tell you how he really feels about having another child? Is that what you mean? If so, you have known him longer than most anybody, yes? So you probably can trust our instincts to know if he is telling you the truth or rather just trying to appease you or tell you what you WANT to hear.

Did I answer everything? If I did not or missed something, please let me know and I'l answer. :)

Dr. Jackie

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