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I am having issues with my relationship currently because I…

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Second opinion] I am...

Second opinion] I am having issues with my relationship currently because I am not able to deal with my past family issues

Expert's Assistant: This sounds like a can of worms I'm glad not to have to open. The Psychologist will do a great job for you. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

I have had a problem with my father for about 10 years now. I found out that he never signed my birth certificate and so I don't think that he is really my father at all.

Submitted: 6 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 17 hours by:
3/7/2018
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 6 months ago
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 434
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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Hi,

I'm Dr. Jackie, a therapist, interpersonal communication professor, and relationship expert. And I'm so sorry you are dealing with family issues that are causing you to have problems in your relationship. I know you said you found out he never signed your birth certificate. I am wondering what led you to that? Are you saying that you found this out 10 years ago because of this? Can I ask if he is denying he is your father, and your mother is saying he is lying? I'm asking all these questions so that I can better understand your concerns and better recommend strategies to help you.

I'm sure you already know this, but sometimes fathers do not sign birth certificates if they are not there to witness the actual childbirth. And sometimes this cannot be helped--a good friend of ours was overseas when his first daughter was born. He didn't get to "meet" her until she was 7 months old. Now he did sign it once he was back in the States and settled. But probably a lot of men wouldn't even think about that. And other reasons could include being afraid of the birth mom or her family, fear of the law, and probably many other reasons. I'm not justifying that behavior (or lack of) at all--just trying to find some possible explanations,

Now, is that the only problem you have with your father? I mean, is he the man who helped raise you? This is crucial because research studies show that young women often are drawn to men who exhibit similar qualities as the major man in their lives. If a girl grows up being yelled at constantly and/or being verbally abused, then chances are very good that she will pick men who do the same to her.

Is this on target? Are there other issues like you mentioned that you would like to discuss? I'm happy to call you or try to arrange to chat in real time if you want. Please let me know.

Best,

Dr. Jackie

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