Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I have been texting a guy for nearly 5 months. He is really…

Customer Question
I have been texting a...
I have been texting a guy for nearly 5 months. He is really sweet and fun. He always texts me asking about my day. WE chat about everything and anything Around Christmas he told me he adored me and he has said he loves me a number of times. We only met up once as we live in two different cities.
last week he was saying he hopes we will move in together in the future now that I am going to be staying close by. We have talked earlier in the relationship that we both want a relationship too.
After that he started to get distant in texting me. Then I was on my email and saw I keep getting posts from plenty of fish so I decided to go on and deactivate my account. While there I saw his profile online and he was paying a subscription to the website. I have looked over the last 3 days and he has logged on each day.
We decided to meet again this week but I am now worried that he is not that into me as I really thought.
I want to ask him about where we are going but I am worried as I don't want to lose him.
Submitted: 1 month ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
3/6/2018
Counselor: Dr. Sacks, Psychologist replied 1 month ago
Dr. Sacks
Dr. Sacks, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 48
Experience: Psychologist and Life coach
Verified

Hello,

Welcome to JustAnswers. My name is***** little bit about me… I am a psychologist and have been practicing for the last five years in private practice and in a community setting. I work with families and people of all ages. I am also a registered life coach and solution-focused therapist. I am passionate about helping people and finding solutions, not growing problems. I believe that the mind is a very powerful tool and can be used to achieve any outcome in life-positive thoughts lead to a positive life. I am here to help you with your question.

Lets try figure this out together. Can you let me know a little bit more about the sort of information you are looking for...

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Am I looking into the situation too much into the situation with this fella? Should I be taking a step back from this? I never felt this so worried or confused. I want to see if we can work out but I feel like I am anxious about it since I found out he is on a dating website. How can I feel less anxious?
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 1 month ago
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 384
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
Verified

Hi, I'm Dr. Jackie, a therapist, interpersonal communication professor, and relationship expert. I am sorry you are going through some confusion right now.

Maybe you can give me a little more detail. First, I thought POF was a non-paying/free dating website. At least, I thought that is what a customer once told me. But that was several years ago. Maybe the policies have changed. I was thinking that if it were free, maybe he is checking his email when he is on just to say, "Hi" to anyone. But I think your curiosity is valid--you believe he is sincere and yet he still seems to be communicating with other potential relationship partners.

Do you ever video chat? You can tell so much more by talking on the phone than mere text because at least you get to hear the voice. And certainly with video chat, you get to see facial affect as well. So is it just texting besides the one face-to-face visit, or do you talk on the phone/video chat?

My second question--how far away do you live from one another? If you have been texting for 5 months and live within a few hours of each other, then on a weekend you should be able to get together unless perhaps one of you does not have automobile transportation or something like that is posing as an obstacle.

Third, can you clarify, "Staying close by?" Have you moved to a city closer to him now? I am hoping if you did move, that it was for a job or school, not for him. I say that not to be pessimistic or negative but that at this point it does not seem to me that you have made a commitment enough to warrant one of you moving to be close to the other. I hope that makes sense.

I don't know how personal your texts are, but after 5 months, there should be sufficient sparks and normal human curiosity aroused that you should be dying to see one another if there truly is something developing. I understand the nervousness and jitters, but you should be trying hard to see one another. So maybe this is present and I'm just misinterpreting your post. Of course it is tough to interpret feelings in text like it is on posts. So perhaps if you can respond to my questions, I definitely will reply and give you my thoughts.

At this point, I really must stress that it is OK to ask where you are headed or how he feels. You can also tell him what you did--logged on to POF to cancel your subscription and happened to see he is still on. You don't have to sound accusatory--just genuinely but directly tell him you are just trying to figure out where the two of you are. I think women more than men tend to worry about "the relationship talk" because we know from research that women tend to want to talk about this a lot more than do men. But also understand that some women constantly have to have reaffirmation as in daily or multiple times daily. This is what can really irritate men. But in your case, assuming this is not something discussed before, it is totally appropriate. Both of you should know where you stand and how you feel about trying to move to the next step.

Please let me know how I can help you further in a future response. Looking forward to hearing back.

Best,

Dr. Jackie

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Hi Dr. Jackie,Thank you for your response. It was helpful.When I looked at POF there is an option to upgrade your account to get more people to see your profile and if people are reading your messages. If the profile is highlighted yellow it means that the person has upgraded their profile. There are 2, 4 or 8-month subscriptions. It does not say how long the person is on theWe never video chatted but we do talk on the phone every so often, but we usually text every day. There are days we might not text at all and I was never too bothered about it. It was just after seeing his profile on POF that I thought he was a bit off with me for a few days.We live over an hour away on good days but with traffic it can be longer. We both work in the same area (education) and we both have the same past time (equitation). We also own horses but he has a lot more and looks after them in the morning and the evening. We make plans to meet up but sometimes something comes up on either side (I might have to go back home for the weekend, do my college course and exams or he is fixing the house and look after the mares who are foaling or any of the foals). We both are interested in meeting all the time. We are always saying that we need to meet too and try to make plans. When we did meet it was so easy going and we were both very comfortable with each other. It was nice. His body language was relaxed, and he was always either holding my hand or hugging me every so often, kiss on the cheek and we did kiss a few times. His eyes were always on me and had a smile on his face too. We had a good time together (he mentioned this too).I moved to where I live now 2 years ago for my job. Last week my boss approached me and said he is looking to make a permanent member of staff. I am not moving away from where I live as of now. When I first met him over a year before we started texting properly, I was not sure if I was going to be staying in the job I had. I had interviews back home. Then, I decided to stay in my job as I have loads of opportunities. He then texted me out of the blue a year after we first met and started talking. We got close that we can talk about anything that was on out minds.When we did meet up, he was talking about the future. He mentioned that he would like to date me (I was going on courses for 4 weekends after this) and that he would like to move in with me. He even mentioned that he would be willing to follow me back to where I am from (nearly 3 hours away from where he lives now) if I decided I wanted to move closer to my parents and family. He said he would be willing to give up his permanent job for me. At this stage I told him I was not looking to move back home as I was given more responsibility in work and hope to stay close by. This was when he was talking about building a house and that he wanted it to be our house.I think I was just confused on what this all means and if I the feeling of confusion is normal. We are not exclusive but some of the things he says in texts confused me too (he said he “was all” mine).I was not sure if I should talk to him about being on POF and came upon his profile. I never needed to be reaffirmed about that he is thinking about me. I am not sure if I should ask him about where this is heading after him talking about the future? This is the first time I have been in a situation like this and I am unsure what to do here?
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 1 month ago

Thank you so much for clarifying all of that -- you are very articulate and I definitely have a better understanding. I have a client who just arrived (in person) but I will text you back after our session and respond to this last response. Thank you! I will write back in about an hour or so.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Christopher Hill ,
 replied 1 month ago
Christopher Hill
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8
Experience: Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor at River Ridge Treatment Center
Verified
Just curious if this is a question you would consider a phone conversation?
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Why a phone converstion
Counselor: Christopher Hill ,
 replied 1 month ago
Oh I thought it would be easier to discuss. No worries if you done want too
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Christopher Hill ,
 replied 1 month ago
I would say if you two are serious and have built trust then there is no need to be afraid to pose the question of whether or not he is still in to you. Sometime people will continue to look on sites out of curiosity not necessarily to date, don’t know if this is the case with him but it sounds like you have an open door to ask since you two talk a good amount already.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
If it was necessary I would have spoken on the phone.
Was I looking into it in too much detail then.
Counselor: Christopher Hill ,
 replied 1 month ago
It could be that you’re looking a little deep, however it is good to have healthy boundaries and curiosity in a new relationship is always good as well.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Christopher Hill ,
 replied 1 month ago
I would encourage you think about having that conversation with him, however do it when you are both in a good mood of course.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: DrJackiePhD, Doctor replied 1 month ago

Hi,

It's Dr. Jackie. I was not in the office yesterday. I'm reading through this. Do you want to chat more with me? I see someone else popped in here. Did you want to finish or continue?

Thanks,

Dr. Jackie

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
I would like to finish if we can please.
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Sorry I meant I would like to continue with our conversation and chat more if we can please
Counselor: Christopher Hill ,
 replied 1 month ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Dr. Jackie, can I continue our conversation as I would like to know your opinion too and chat more.
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
I would like to speak with Dr Jackie about this topic and continue to talk about this
Was this answer helpful?
Ask Christopher Hill Your Own Question
Christopher Hill
Christopher Hill
Christopher Hill
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8
8 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor at River Ridge Treatment Center

Christopher Hill is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

384 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I hurt my boyfriend terribly by saying some very mean things
Second opinion] I hurt my boyfriend terribly by saying some very mean things while drunk and acting needy/defensive toward the end of the relationship. He also thought I was crying wolf about domestic… read more
Dr. Sacks
Dr. Sacks
Psychologist
48 satisfied customers
Me and my boyfriend broke up mutual and would like to know
Me and my boyfriend broke up mutual and would like to know if we will get back together … read more
Dr. Sacks
Dr. Sacks
Psychologist
48 satisfied customers
My husband of almost 40 years, yells at me whenever I ask
My husband of almost 40 years, yells at me whenever I ask him questions about anything. When I get upset at him then he acts sweet. It seems he wants me to be upset. I don't understand why he does tha… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
384 satisfied customers
I have had a situation now going on nine months. A certain
I have had a situation now going on nine months. A certain female acquaintance of mine who I've known for 10 years began making eye contact with me, Has locked eyes and not looked away often. She has … read more
Schuyler
Schuyler
1,944 satisfied customers
A guy I have been dating for a few months has suggested
A guy I have been dating for a few months has suggested going out with me and including my child as well.Well I am having reservations because I don't believe we have ever established being in a relat… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,720 satisfied customers
My friend who is married got caught by his wife texting
My friend who is married got caught by his wife texting other women in VERY flirtatious way. What should he say to try to save his marriage?… read more
Carlett F
Carlett F
Therapist
Master\u0027s Degree
37 satisfied customers
This is best described as hypothetical so you may answer: a
This is best described as hypothetical so you may answer: a husband and wife have been married for 25+ years, about that, they do not have sex. Husband is happy that way or willing to stay in the marr… read more
Carlett F
Carlett F
Therapist
Master\u0027s Degree
37 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I were best friends for over a year before
Hello, my boyfriend and I were best friends for over a year before we started dating back in summer of 2016 - I always knew to an extent he had major self-esteem issues that would cause him to isolate… read more
Carlett F
Carlett F
Therapist
Master\u0027s Degree
37 satisfied customers
Relationship In a relationship with a guy who has money and
Relationship In a relationship with a guy who has money and wants me to buy expensive gifts He gets me stuff but I feel the weight of the gift is not imp thoughts… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My husband cheated now he is strugling to have sex with me
my husband cheated now he is strugling to have sex with me always say he is tired what can i do ,is that a sign of my marriage is finnish … read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
57 satisfied customers
Hope all is ok Wondering if you got my question. I know we
Hi Jen hope all is ok Wondering if you got my question. This is Dee Thanks I know we will catch up… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
958 satisfied customers
QUESITON FOR DEALING WITH INTERRUPTIONS -- How do I keep
QUESITON FOR DEALING WITH INTERRUPTIONS -- How do I keep from feeling slighted and subordinated when I try to have a conversation with someone and they allow their device (e.g. smart phone, television… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
My husband won't comit to buying a house despite this being
My husband won't comit to buying a house despite this being our goal for 2 years and putting a lot on hold to save for this moment. We have to leave our current rental I've had 5 years in July. We got… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,720 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been together 20 and Married 18. He
My husband and I have been together 20 and Married 18 . He have cheated on me the last 10 years and have left me 3 times for the same Jezebel. She divorce her husband to prove to him she wanted to be … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
384 satisfied customers
I'm trying to figure out if I am a codependent person or
I'm trying to figure out if I am a codependent person or inverted narcissist or what is my problem? I was raised in a broken family setting where my dad is a narcissist and my mom is codependent. I ne… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
384 satisfied customers
I went to a singles event with the current guy I am dating.
Hi Jen I went to a singles event with the current guy I am dating. He knew the people there and I told him _THIS IS A SINGLES EVENT. He again was just interested in the fact that he knew the people an… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
958 satisfied customers
Dear counselor, I would like to get some advice about
Hello dear counselor, I would like to get some advice about studding for Licensed Clinical Social Worker career. I am currently in school psychology master's program. But I found out that the pressure… read more
Schuyler
Schuyler
1,944 satisfied customers
My boyfriend is living in my house, we share credit cards
My boyfriend is living in my house, we share credit cards and sometimes he pay it use my card, which makes me annoying … read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
384 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x