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I've been seeing my bf for 3 mo this. We are both 33. I'm…

I've been seeing my bf...
I've been seeing my bf for 3 mo this. We are both 33. I'm divorced with a 10 year old. His relationship history looks like this- been with 5 girls. One for 6 years and the others for several years a piece. Never engaged to any of them, and never technically lived with any of them although he stayed at their house for lengthy periods of time he always kept his own place elsewhere. Two of them broke up with him because after a considerable amount of time together he couldnt/wouldn't give them the title of girlfriend, and the others he broke up with because he said he was bored or no longer attracted to them any longer. This makes me fear that he has commitment issues along with other behaviors he has shown towards me. He has had some serious inconsistencies with me, examples would be him wanting me to be his girlfriend in the beginning and me telling him that not enough time has passed and him telling me that time was irrelevant, and then when I wanted more commitment out of him at a later date, he reversed it and used time in his favor thing that it had not been long enough. Before we had sex, we would be fooling around and he asked me if I wanted to go all the way and I said yes then he said no all the while telling me how good it would feel if we did. Once we were having sex and the condom broke and we had a pregnancy scare, but he told me not to worry that if I wanted pregnant he would be so happy because he knew that I was the one and he wansnt worried. After that he would just ejaculate inside of me until I got my period a few weeks later and we knew that I wasn't pregnant. After that he acted extremely paranoid like he didn't even want to let his penis touch me without a condom on and then he would blow the condom up at the end making sure there were no holes. Needless to say this made me feel bad because i thought that he felt differently. He invited me to move in, then when I brought it up a week later he told me he thinks that we need to wait a while more. He told me that he made me a house key to his house and he was going to give it to me for Valentine's Day, I thought that he had made one because he showed it to me and Valentine's Day came and went and he did not give me the key. Plants… Gather in the summertime and then he's been talking about simply moving closer to me not actually living together anymore when just a few weeks prior he would email me pics of apartments he thought were good for us. When I go over to his house I have to get up with him at the crack of dawn in the morning and cannot stay sleeping because I get the feeling that he doesn't want me there without him being there. I had to bring up him meeting my son and spending time with us as a family to see if this is something that he wanted or not. I was really disappointed that this is not something he brought up on his own. Also he lives an hour and a half round trip for me and most of the time it's me going to him. I had to come out and tell him that we need to start spending weekends together so I can get to know him better because he was content with seeing each other for a couple of hours on the weekend and that was it. I always feel like I'm intruding in his life somehow even though he's very loving and sweet with me and tells me repeatedly that I'm the one and he wants to marry me. We have only been out in 3 proper dates because the rest of the time it's off cooking dinner at his house which is getting really old with me because I'm used to a man courting me. He is a physician so I'm sure he could afford some real dates. The only thing that leads me to believe that I'm not a fling to him is the fact that he took me home to meet his family and he told me that was something that he's only done once before in his life. He's coming off to me as cheap and under invested in us and I find myself justifying his behaviors or going above and beyond for him to prove to him what a good wife I would be in the future and I know this is wrong. He tells me every day that Im the one and he wants to marry me,needless to say I'm feeling really insecure and wondering if this is just his way of keeping me at arms length and he does have commitment issues.he's Not the most mature 33 year old and I definitely Expect more at this stage. I don't feel like I'm his girlfriend in a lot of ways because I don't feel like he's around doing the things that a man is supposed to do for a woman. I have had numerous talks with him about all my thoughts and fears and what I need to get out of the relationship to feel secure and that we're moving forward and will eventually live together and get married in a timely fashion. He's good for a couple days after the talk then goes right back to his old ways again. I want him to ask me to spend the weekends with me when possible and also sometimes include my son, but he seems content with just seeing me one night or even for few hours which does not make me feel like we're working toward something more solid.
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Answered in 10 minutes by:
2/16/2018
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Hello, my name is John. Please give me a moment to look over your question.
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Sure
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Also another thing that I forgot to mention is during sex we never make much of a connection. He really doesn't look at me very much and we only kiss a bit. I assume it's from his young age and use of porn making him a bit detached but it's not what I'm used to and not sure if it's significant in any way
I agree with you. He has commitment problems. A good way to test him is for you to back off a bit and see how he responds. Don’t bri g up commitment or even spe
Dong time with him. Don’t even contact him. If he is truly interested in you he will contact you.
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That was, “don’t bring up commitment or spending time with him.”
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Does that make sense?
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
It does and I have done this and he will reach out and say hey I want to see you, and it will be he wants to see me for one evening only and says nothing about spending more time so I feel that by allowing him to pursue he's getting it on his terms basically
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Him wanting to see me for one evening only• I meant to say
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
At the 3 month mark he should want to spend a whole weekend with me here and there to get to know One another better as we only see each other for a few hours during the week one time. If you don't spend significant time with someone you can't get to know them properly.
Correct. I honestly think you are looking for two different things. You are looking for commitment and he is looking for convenience. You need to decide if you are willing to be his part time girl, because with hIm that appears to be the best you’ll get .
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
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