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I was uncomfortable inviting him to this concert. It seemed…

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Thanks. I was uncomfortable inviting...
Thanks. I was uncomfortable inviting him to this concert. It seemed like too much but we had a great time when I suggested we go to the Whitney together. I agree that men need to chase. Should I cancel the concert? He didn't answer me yet so I don't know what to do hie to handle.
05 February 2018 01:46 So I didn't get s response from you on this is ne service up? So it's pretty bad for me. As I expected he declined. He said he had to check with his boss about meetings which he usually does but mostly because of travel but this was some stupid ordinary meeting. Usually he jumped when I suggested meeting. Now he can't make an 8 pm concert? It's obvious. It's also obvious that when we had that nice dinner out Friday that I should have talked about feelings, that I liked that he kissed me, etc. I tend to be very shy. So all feels lost now. So now we're nowhere. He probably thinks I'm aggressive but the concert was a group he loves so I had to ask him. Now it's dead. No idea what to do, in the past he's shown he responds when women do the planning etc so yes the chase but he seems to like some prodding. Still after this I feel so incredibly sad and rejected that he'd turn me dien for the concert that. I'm just sad because we're so much alike in great ways we should have been together for years. It's very sad we've both had terrible relationships with cruel people. What do I do next?
Submitted: 2 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 4 hours by:
2/7/2018
Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 2 months ago
Carlett F
Carlett F, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 43
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice
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Hello,Ok, dont let this get you down, remember you are new to dating and he is newly divorced and attempting to get back into the dating game. It is going to feel a little awkward for both of you at times. And as you mentioned before you both tend to be shy.Ok, so you are back at square one again. If he has not given you a positive yes about going to the concert, I would cancel it, unless of course you yourself want to go along with a friend or family member. If you go ahead and go to the concert, one that you will enjoy, along with a friend, you can then tell him all about the show and what a wonderful time you had. The fact that you went to the concert without him and with someone else (friend) and had a blast will make him feel a little left out and like he missed out on doing something really fun with you. Remember when I said men are attracted to and intrigued by women who actively enjoy their lives and have a life outside of being with them? This is an opportunity for you to demonstrate this.If you do this, you will be sending the message to him that with or without him you are going to enjoy yourself. Inviting him to the concert will appear less like a pursuit of him. If you do not want to go or have no one else to go with you, go ahead and cancel the concert. You do not necessarily have to tell him that you cancelled unless he brings it up. If he brings it up you will know that he at least thought about.He may have pulled back a little because you took a move forward and at this point he is just testing the waters with dating.... He may be used to women doing a lot of chasing its a lot easier for him, but you want your relationship to be different right? You want to be made to feel Special... you want to be able to know from him without a doubt that it is you he wants to be with. You will make it hard to know this for yourself if you start chasing. Even though he is used to women chasing, make him work for you. Remember he is recently divorced and likely just want to keep it light and fun... anything that seems like you want something more serious right now is going to scare him off. So, what you do now is just play it cool again. Go back to letting him pursue you, he will not know what happened. He will simply start pursuing you again. You should do nothing right now other than enjoy him and observe how he is treating you as the relationship develops so you can make a good clear decision for yourself about entering into a serious relationship with him. Once the two of you are in an exclusive relationship where he has committed to you. Then you can initiate more and feel safe in doing so. Just so you know, I work during the day seeing clients and may not be able to respond right away but I will always check my inbox for messages.... I wish you the best..... Carlett
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Counselor: Carlett F, Counselor replied 2 months ago

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