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I am looking for some unbiased help on my relationship. She…

I am looking for...

I am looking for some unbiased help on my relationship

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

She kissed another person and lied about

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

Text messages that say she doesnt regreat it

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
I have been dating my fiance for 6 years. For the past month (after a party) she has been distant and unaffectionate. We had not had sex for a while after the party and she ended up confessing that it was me she was not attracted to anymore.She said she still loved me and doesnt understand why since she knows im handsome, but she didnt have any urge to have sex. Well, fast forward to last night I went through her phone and found a conversation between her and her best friend. The conversation contained things like "I was THIS close to f**king that kid last night. I cant remember his name though". When her friend said "Yeah you almost went home with him" she responded "I still would".She ended up making out with the guy twice when drunk and doing some touchy feely stuff as well. But she did not sleep with him....My concern is that this is my fiance of whom I have been dating for 6 years and NEVER had an issue with trust. I love her unconditionally as well. She lied about this whole thing when i asked her and only stopped trying to convince me it was a joke when i showed her I had the messages. I want to marry her...but in the grand scheme of things I dont know if this is petty to break off something so big and an otherwise happy relationship for a one night crush that she made a mistake on it.My biggest concerns are:
1. She lied to me and continued to lie even after I confronted her
2. She made me feel like I was the problem...when I am thinking it was guilt pushing her away from me
3. She appears to have no regrets from that night when reading the conversation but states it was a mistake and meant nothing when she talks to me
4. Kissing another guy made her completely distant to me...so i feel like something triggered inside of her after it.I just want to know if this is petty in the scheme of what should be the rest of our lives. She is 26 and I am 28. I dont know if i will even connect with anyone like i have with her ever again too. Is there any experience to suggest i should break up or just be patient and forgiving.
Customer reply replied 1 month ago
More from her texts:
"I will say hes a good looking dude. So im not mad"
"IDK man, took it too far but I am happy you guys let it happen"She claims the conversation is a joke, which it likely could be...but this seems to be no remorse. I am so confused and heart broken to now break up over something so petty as a conversation and a kiss..but this feels like far worse. Hopefully this helps
Answered in 47 minutes by:
1/21/2018
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
The issue seems larger to me than just this kiss or the text messages... it sounds like she may not have the attraction to you like she once did and that is why she is looking elsewhere. I understand the lying is uncomfortable for you and should not exist in the relationship but again the issue seems deeper and it sounds like the two of you need to sit down and discuss with one another how you are both feeling and if the relationship still brings you both the same kind of joy and satisfaction to continue to marriage. If you only focus on this one event than the ability to look deeper at the larger potential issue will get lost. So sit down with her and rather than just accuse her of lying really touch base with her and let her know that whatever she is feeling that you can handle it and you will work through it together to see what the best course of action is.
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Thank you, ***** ***** try to talk to her about it again. We have in the past few weeks discussed the relationship as a whole and she said she loves me very much and wants to work on the attraction issue with counseling.But she also said she is not confident in her love for me anymore but also doesnt believe she will get anyone better or whom she loves more. I went through a year of being a nerd and gained some weight and probably lost some respect.But should it be this easy for her to turn off from me? I will talk to her, I appreciate your help. I was hoping to just understanding if this is something relationships can recover from (If any relationship can I believe we could). However, if this is something that is a major red flag for cheating or not 'true' love..wish it was that simple :)
relationships can recover from this. If both people are willing to work on the issue then yes things can improve. Her lack of Attraction may have been developing over time and after 6 years of an engagement or any type of relationship it is normal for some attraction to disappear and couples need to make a good attempt to create some magic and passion again. The good news is she is desirous of working on things with you so start with that and then you can see where things go. But yes of course cheating is a red flag in any relationship so that must be addressed as well. I am not suggesting ignore it I am only suggesting to look at the deeper issue as well.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
TherapistJen and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Gotchya, thank you for your help Jen!
My pleasure. Keep talking about it on every level go through each space get into counseling as she is willing as well and let's hope that the attraction can be rebuilt and you can proceed towards marriage as you hope.
Thank you for the positive rating.
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
Is there anyway to discuss this further over the phone? I saw I had to pay but don't see it any more
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TherapistJen
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
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