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I need some advice on whether on not to contact my ex. We…

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Hello, I need some advice...
Hello, I need some advice on whether on not to contact my ex. We broke up in Nov after a year and a half. We had some ups and downs and were also doing long distance. In the end, poor communication did us in and I think we were both holding in anger against one another. We went on a trip and my ex ended things via text after an argument. A few attempts to chat ended up being us both being upset with each other and getting no where. We went no contact and a few weeks later I asked him to come pick up his stuff. He came and we caught up but did not talk about the relationship. When he left he told me that he really missed me and could we talk about things properly. I replied in a message yes but let’s do it after the holidays. I was going home to see my family and did not want anymore stress during this period. This whole thing has affected me sleep a lot. He never replied about talking later. While away I called him by mistake. He called back immediately twice but I was not ready to talk. I sent him a message the next day saying it was a mistake but asked how he was and wished him a happy New Year. And no reply. I called him when I got back leaving a message if we wanted to talk. Nothing. It may sound silly but after a few days o blocked him on my phone b/c I could not take waiting for him to call after I feel so hurt about everything. I am sure he would have seen that I blocked him. I am debating sending a message that I think it’s too bad we were never able to discuss things properly. After a year and a half I think this could have ended with more kindness and respect. So after all of this nonsense ... do I sent it. Do I let him know that it hurt me that we never had a proper discussion. I don’t know if I want to get back together and I only would of slot changed. Or do I never contact him again and hope soon the pain starts to feel better
Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 10 minutes by:
1/20/2018
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 4 months ago
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 438
Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
Verified

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Ohhhhh sweet soul, my heart aches for you. It's so difficult to move forward without any closure and I absolutely understand your desire to have a final conversation about why things ended and perhaps have some of your questions answered. It's interesting as communication was an issue throughout the relationship and I imagine it was quite severe as even the ending was not given space for conversation.

Please do not consider re-entering this relationship as I fear your partner has been very insensitive and immature. You have reached out and have not been given the decency to end things in an adult-like manner.

I fear you will never get the answers/closure you wish from your ex. I am so sorry to say this as I imagine this is not what you want to hear. My advice would be to write a letter explaining everything you would have said in a conversation (had it happened). This will allow you to put your thoughts together and create your own form of closure. Please do not send this letter--this is strictly for you and your own processing.

Please move forward, sweet soul, and find a man evolved enough to be respectful of your feelings and with the ability to communicate appropriately.

I am so sorry this happened.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you for the response. I know you are right in everything you said. This is what I had crafted to send him for my closure. Hi, its too bad that having that chat never worked out. I think it would been the respectful thing after a year and a half
together.We appeared to be on good terms when you picked up your stuff. Two un-replied messages/ a call later .... I guess not. I needed to block you for a few days b/c more hurt just seemed unnecessary at this point. There’s been enough of that already to say the least.I know we’re both moving on but I needed to get this off my chest. No more negative energy expended onto something that could have ended in a kinder way. Too bad.I suppose sending it will only fuel his ego and continue to hurt mine.
Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 4 months ago

Good afternoon, Cheryl.

I love what you wrote and yes, you are oh so right. I do agree that sending it would only fuel his ego at this point. Please know you deserve to be with a much more evolved man. Please spend your time and energy focused on moving forward with someone who is a better match for you. I am so sorry this has happened to you. This happened to me as well and I understand the enormity of your pain.

Warm regards,

Leslie

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Counselor: Therapist Leslie, Counselor replied 3 months ago
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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 438
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Experience: Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice

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