Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship
This answer was rated:

If you are there I would like to describe the situation,

Jen, if you are there...
Jen, if you are there I would like to describe the situation, which I asked you about yesterday, in more detail as I would value your opinion.
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 minute by:
1/19/2018
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

I know how much pain you are in and feel free to express anything you desire, but just so you know I will probably still believe staying the course we mapped out yesterday is the way to go.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
I understand that and I have completely accepted it. I am at a place so low I thought it wasn't possible but what is much worse is my worry for Katy, my x-girlfriend. I have coped today, been in some tricky meetings, and I don't think anyone noticed anything. However, afterwards it almost makes it worse. However, I was hoping that describing our circumstances a bit more could maybe help you assess future actions better. I know that will not be for some time. I know I muct leave Katy alone however awful it feels and however worried I am about her.

This is a hard space for you and for her and you both need your own time to process, heal, work on yourselves and hopefully come back together. I wish there was a short cut, but there just isn't and rushing or pushing will not get you what you desire.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
No, I understand. I hope that maybe explaining a bit more would enable you to give me a more detailed assessment of might happen later and how to go about it. My previous wife and I had many lovely years raising three wonderful boys. They are adults now, and we are both really close to all three of them. However, we drifted apart mentally, I don't think the connection on that front was so good. Eventually, we divorced and got together with Katy. We have had an immensely strong mental connection although she is sixteen years younger than me. However, I still have conncetion with my family and they have not been willing to connect with Katy yet. This is a problem as I spend some time at the family house. Katy hasn't wanted children and is an extremely free spirit but I can see it must have felt to her as if her and me did not take the full step (that is, I didn't) and make us the centre of everything. In my mind Katy was the centre of my life but practically that was not fully borne out. My ex-wife has the family house but I am still involved in it and help with it. Katy and I got a little house but it has not allowed us to really build our base and I was not very engaged in that house. We have been planning for some time to find the right place when a lot of work problems arose, beginning two years ago. That and the fact that my youngest son got very depressed at university made me lose focus and over Christmas when Katy was with her father, it clearly snapped for her. I know I have been terribly stupid and have failed Katy. I should have done soemthing about finding the house much earlier and pushing much harder to sort the family issue out. I was trying to balance too many things. Nevertheless, it shocked me beyond words that Katy simply broke up rather than discussing it again. I was in disbelief but I am not blaming her, because I should have been awake a long time ago. Considering how incredibly good we are together, and how we have magical times whatever we are doing it seemed so wrong to me. She told me on New Years Day, and soon after I was away in the US for work. At that time, she kept saying that we would talk about it when I got back but, by then, she changed her mind and wrote me an email to say that she had to be honest to herself and therefore it was over. I tried hard to respect it and we met to talk about closure and I more or less lost it completely, telling her how unhappy I was about the way I had treated her, how stupid I had been. The day after I proposed to her at work - but without anyone knowing - and she heard me out although she said she was uncomfortable with it. I promised her I would do everything to make things right (and I absoloutely mean it) and we talked a bit afterwards. She seemd very gloomy but did say that she needed time. Fool that I am I then went to see her in the evening poured my heart out. She said with some bitterness why I hadn't proposed to her on a holiday we had in Rome two months ago and she thought I hadn't said that I love her. She was wrong about that, I constantly tell her that I love her, maybe too much, but I can't help it because I do love her so much that it constantly comes into my mind. The things is, I have started two companies and had to leave one of them in September because we had hired the wrong CEO who has no respect for the employees - this was very traumatic for me and these are some of the problems that have brewed for two years. I think this has cost me dearly because our relationship has in taht time not developed fully. However, the only thing I wish is for it do that. That last evening - on monday - when I spoke to Katy she then said that I am only doing all this now because I am afraid of losing her. I am afraid of losing her but I also want to make her happy and fulfilled, and I realise I should have prioritised her over everything else earlier. I understand I have made things worse by overwhelming her with my feelings and my promises. Do you think I would be doing the right thing for her by trying to rescue us later and do you think what has happened looks very damaging for that possibility? Sorry it's so long...

Please give me a few to read all and absorb and respond.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
of course
Thank you for going more in-depth. My response would still be the same. She needs time on her own but based on the fact that your family has not accepted her I don't hear that she will have much of a desire to return to that same situation. You are a great dad with your children but she might feel that there is a bit too much involvement for her with the ex. You must give her time and space to go through all this.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
after writing with you yesterday I am determined to give her time and space. But, after all that has happened in the last week, do you think she will believe that I am determined to do the right things for her, to commit to her, if she decides to talk to me at some point?
I think she knows that you are determined but she may also feel that it won't matter because your family won't accept her.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
What has mostly blocked that is my ex-wife but she has now realised that this could be very serious, so I think I can change the situation. Also the boys are grown up now. The question is whether Katy will believe it? Also, it is not entirely in my control.
Why does the ex-wife have so much say and control in your life? That is something that you need to figure out for yourself.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
Although we have remained friendly, she has used the feelings of the boys and herself almost as a threat to me sometimes. Saying that one of the boys would go under or other terrible things would happen if I did not give them enough attention. I find it very hard to hurt anyone's feelings, I am afraid I am quite a fool and should have been more decisive.
that kind of manipulation hasn't helped you as an individual or for you to move forward in your life. Your girlfriend is right to have the feelings that she has had and I am not sure hearing all this that she will be able to come back.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
I have realised my mistakes now and I would be decisive going forwards.
Okay so that's all good to know let's see if she comes back and you can take it from there
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
thank you. I would like to be in touch with you later if something happens.
I would like that as well. Please stay in touch with me and let me know how you were doing. You know how to find me in a new question.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 29 days ago
Thank you!
My pleasure.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
TherapistJen and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,756
3,756 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

TherapistJen is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
In college and met a guy through a mutual organization. We
In college and met a guy through a mutual organization. We hung out almost everyday and became very very close. He was always hung up on his high school girlfriend and I was interested in him and alwa… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
I am a fairly new divorcee who started dating a man a few
I am a fairly new divorcee who started dating a man a few months ago. We really care about each other and he treats me respectfully ***** ***** a very kind heart. We both have pretty severe depression… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I'm having a problem with my boyfriend. He is hurt because I
I'm having a problem with my boyfriend. He is hurt because I am spending one on one time with another guy, and I need help deciphering which of each of our feelings about this is valid/correct … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
My boyfriend talks with other women constantly, and he says
My boyfriend talks with other women constantly, and he says they are just friends. But he talks to them now more than me. I saw a text from one of the girls asking why he got offline so quickly and ho… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
I've been seeing my bf for 3 mo this. We are both 33. I'm
I've been seeing my bf for 3 mo this. We are both 33. I'm divorced with a 10 year old. His relationship history looks like this- been with 5 girls. One for 6 years and the others for several years a p… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
I have a dating/relationship question? is it the place?
Hey there, I have a dating/relationship question? is it the place? thanks in advance, Josef. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
I am writing to get your advice. I was told I was selfish
Jen, I am writing to get your advice. I was told I was selfish because I scheduled a time to see a condominium for sale Saturday morning. My current boyfriend did not like this because he said this is… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,756 satisfied customers
My relationship with my husband is going down the drain as
Hi. My relationship with my husband is going down the drain as he is obsessed with seeing his daughter. His ex wife refuses to let him see her. He has gone to court and done several legal things and n… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
My girlfriend of 9 yeras just left me because she felt
My girlfriend of 9 yeras just left me because she felt neglected and i think i pushed her away even more by trying to make it work..she blocked me and even changed her number..what should I do? … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
My 16 yr old son and stepfather do not like each other.
My 16 yr old son and stepfather do not like each other. Stepfather wants him out of the house in 30 days. If I cannot find a solution then I will need to find a way to pay off the mortgage which is un… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
I met this woman and on a online dating site. She has not
i met this woman and on a online dating site. She has not dated in a while. We exchanged numbers and began texting and calling. She has a son, so i was very patient. She started telling me that she mi… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
How are u? Ive been having problems at home my partner and
Hi how are u? Ive been having problems at home my partner and myself have been drifting apart for the last few years and in the last few months things have gotten worse. We are starting to niggle at e… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
My bf of 16 years and I have never truly committed. Over the
My bf of 16 years and I have never truly committed. Over the years he has trolled women on the internet and has even dated some when I found out we worked through it. He later was the biggest grouch a… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
First and foremost I hope you had a great Valentine's Day! I
First and foremost I hope you had a great Valentine's Day!I think of you personally some times in a way I'm not sure I can articulate ..You help people all day long but sometimes I wonder... the lands… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,756 satisfied customers
I have been with the new guy for 3 1/2 months now and I'm
I have been with the new guy for 3 1/2 months now and I'm noticing some behaviors that I wanted to share and secure opinion please. first of all he seems his overly sexual but he relies on oral sex an… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
LCSW, CPC
3,756 satisfied customers
I have been involved with a man over a year that I found out
I have been involved with a man over a year that I found out it married. I have now found out he is out on dating sites doing to other women what he did to me. I want to know if I should tell his wife… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I have a relationship question. So I have a very wonderful
So I have a very wonderful serious boyfriend. He's super sweet, really kind, and cares a lot about me. I can see a future with him but some of his best qualities are some things that bother me the most. He is a bit neurotic. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
172 satisfied customers
Well heres the situation. I have been seeing this lady for
Well heres the situation. I have been seeing this lady for about 4 months we broke up once about 2 months ago but have since tried to make our relationship work, well I feel I have. Her last relations… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x