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I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in

Hello I am a 38-year-old...
Hello I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in law-enforcement. Over five years ago I met a woman through my work and her daughter was 11 at the time. She was with somebody then so I thought nothing of it. I found a very attractive but nothing came of it. She later got my job just for a different area and later I found out you had broken up with the person she was with and had moved away. I saw her in March 2016 where she said she was moving back to the area for her daughter and a short time later we started dating. Overtime I started to learn different things about her she told me that she had been badly sexually assaulted and her past as a teenager. Also later on she told me about how she was big into BDSM sub/dominant relationship where she wanted to be subservient. I did not listen to her really until later. I probably should have ended it shortly there after but for some reason I felt a connection with her in March 2017 she said she wanted me to move in with her so we could forward the relationship. I did so a short time later but just before that she was denied a promotion at her work work for people that promote an about her. She later got sick with bells palsy I think due to stress and that in June there was an incident where she was accused of lying and surpassed forced to resign from her job. After that she cleaned out a savings account that she had and wanted to go back to school for her masters degree and she wanted a job in international travel. My parents family friends everyone try to help her get a job but nothing was good enough, her behavior also changes I continued working she would go out with friends more and more, one night she did not come home saying that she was too intoxicated. I thought she was having an affair but I couldn’t prove it at that point. As things went on they did not seem to get better I know we were done one night when I had my last weekend off before shift rotation and she wanted to be with her friends, I decided that I would would be moving out but kept my mouth shut until I found a place. Just before I signed my lease she said she had been talking to her friends only one that I had met the rest I found out how secretive she was and some she had told me she had met but I had not met yet, and that she was no longer into me and broke up with me. She suddenly said she was disappointed that I wasn’t the dominant type for her. I had made it clear that that was not my thing much much earlier on and that I’m only that way when I have to be work relation wise for survival. She told me that I could stay for as long as I needed to and she was in no rush to kick me out and there was no one else she was looking at right now. I did not believe her but I ended up moving out a couple weeks later just before November 1. Before I moved out and told her I was morning, she would become very emotional I left for three days to stay with friends and family and she asked me if everyone hated her and cried and said she was going to text me to say hello but wasn’t sure if she should, I found this to be very weird behavior even from her. One day will going to work I saw her on her phone and she was very upset with tears in her eyes and then she hung up and told the person she would have to call them back. I asked her if she was OK to be nice and she said she was. The night before I moved out she went to a party with friends and never came home the next day. Her daughter who is 16 was staying over with her staying with a friend but she never came home. I moved out and I have not heard a word from her cents. She has not deleted me from any social media and look like at one point she was going to try to type me a message through Snapchat though it may have been the wrong person. Two Saturdays ago I was getting gas at a local gas station and she parked directly in front of me I know she saw me but she would not get out of the car until after I left, I thought that was strange behavior since I was nothing but supportive and helpful to our all of a sudden to be acting like you’re scared of me or something is going on. I guess my question for you is Why do I feel this way? I actually miss her and can’t understand why she won’t talk to me like I did something horrible. I know I did the right thing by moving out and I thought for a while she was coming around but I guess she totally changed worse than ever, is there more to it but I’m not understanding or what is your professional opinion please don’t hold back any details it’s been bothering me. Her daughter when I see her on a rare occasion tellms me she misses me and there are no issues speaking with her at all. She won’t bring up her mother. Also when she was going through the resignation/termination at her work she said multiple times I was going to leave her over it when I I promised I wouldn’t and didn’t. I was support through and through. Thank you
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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
She had four people get promoted a nice her then denied a promotion when a spot opened up. She had friends I guess she thought highly of that I had never met. When she went through her work he’ll she said I was going to leave her over it and I would be as supportive as I could and say I wasn’t. I don’t know why she would want me to move in and be with her just for this to happen and never talk to me again. Her daughter will talk but not her..I have no explanation other then she could be mad I did t want to stay as a remnant and pay her bills with her...I know I didn’t do anything to deserve this and the silence..
Customer reply replied 5 months ago
What would cause all this? What did I do wrong? Why ignore me now like I hurt her or family or something?
Answered in 22 hours by:
1/20/2018
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,828
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

You have not done anything wrong. It sounds like a terrible dynamic between the two of you and just the wrong fit. Why do you feel hurt? Most likely because you have supported her and now she isn't speaking to you, but if you are broken up then there really is no reason to speak. Things felt off for you from the beginning but you overlooked the red flags. as best you can let this all go, focus on yourself and move forward in your life.

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Customer reply replied 5 months ago
I’m trying I guess as an investigatior I would want some answers as to why exactly but I know I won’t get them.

I understand that urge, but she hasn't been open and communicative the whole time, so it's unlikely it will start now.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,828
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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