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Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from unhappy 30+year

Boyfriend of 1 year...

Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from long unhappy 30+year marriage told me he keeps thinking bout old girlfriend and how he has always wondered about her and how/where she is.

Expert's Assistant: This sounds like a can of worms I'm glad not to have to open. The Psychologist will do a great job for you. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

Thought we were in love and very happy to finally start new life now after long ugly divorce but he drops this on me last night. I told him I felt it was not fair of him to bring to this relationship now and why did he get so involved w/me. I feel like I’ve been his transitional women and now he doesn’t need me or the crutch anymore and this is kind way of telling me along with how he misses traveling. He owns business and can take off and has without me because I work full time. I’m broken & feel numb or dumb!

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

A lot

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Answered in 31 minutes by:
1/18/2018
Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,570
Experience: Licensed Psychologist
Verified

Why on earth would a guy ever tell his current girlfriend that he thinks of other girlfriends? He is either dumb and lacks common sense, or like you said, a way to break it to you that he is really not in to you.

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John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 988
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
Hello, my name is John. I am with you on this. He has kind of put you in a bad position. Seems to me you have a few choices. Either you let him search her up and see if anything happens there while you wait for his decision. I write this with tongue in cheek. I would hope that is a big no way.Another option would be continue your relationship with him. The chances are slim she is sitting around waiting on him any way. Hope that he he eventually forgets about her. That option is not much better than option one.Tell him to make his choice. You have been with him a gear. He needs to make his decision now. I’m still not totally on board with this one. I think anyone who pulls this sort of stunt once will pull it again.To me, your best option is move on. He has been inconsiderate and as I said, will likely hurt you again.Now, something I didn’t account for when I started this dialogue was, he was just being honest with you and has BJ desire to hook up with her, but has just considered it as a passing thought. I doubt that is the case, but it’s worth considering. It would put a different angle on the situation.In the end, the decision is yours. What do you think?
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BJ” was a typo. Meant “no”
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
There might be more to this then he’s telling me like a child that she secretly had that would be 40 today! I told him it was a slam to me and unfair. He is going away for few days w/guys so maybe he will talk w/them. Broken
It sounds to me he is bad news. You will be building a relationship on no trust. That is doomed for failure.
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
He is family friend and very kind & generous. Good friends w/my Dad. He is 62 I am 55 and gave up on men but when he came into my life it changed me for the better. We have fun together and he cares about me but I feel it is obligation & guilt cua he’s gonna make a break. I will give him space & maybe while he’s trying to find himself I will find another! Feel stupid now after reading advice but needed this. I knew what I was getting into. He also mentioned a few months ago about an heiress that liked him but I put that aside. He needs time to fix himself. Thank u
I wish I could be positive, but honestly, I don’t think there is much positive to say. Please do me a favor and rate my answer with a positive rating so I can receive credit for it. Thank you.
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 988
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
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