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Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little…

Is my gf avoidant attachment...
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alright, she would tell me good morning and good night and in the middle of the day sometimes send me a picture of what she is eating or something, but never ever share feelings like “miss u” or anything... just like “im eating”... then couple weeks down dating i realize she never shares her feelings or days with me unless i keep on asking her questions... she is very good listener though. Then one day she didnt want to give me her instagram so she lied and said she didnt have it (meanwhile its a public profile)... then later when confronted she said she needs some time and personal space... after that argument we kind of took a break from each other... then i realize when we absolutely dont contact... every 2 days or so she will say she missed me (actually sharing some emotions)... then when we make up she now doesnt message me all day except before she is going to bed... and no more “miss u” or any feeling sharing again.... so this is what im annoyed about since im insecure anxious... but to be fair she does respond everytime i message her and when i have problems she will try and resolve it... its just that she goes back to the no message unless i message first... and dont share emotions unless i ask her.... and then if we do get in argument and dont speak for a while, she will message me she misses me and be more open...
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Answered in 4 hours by:
1/18/2018
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 876
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Hello, my name is***** hope I can help you. Please give me a moment as I look over your question.
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It sounds to me she is a little of both. More than anything, you are a bit insecure. She cares about you, but if you don’t pace your affections she is going to grow weary.By pacing yourself I mean let her take the lead a little. She possibly doesn’t express her feelings because you don’t give her a chance. You are a bit quick on the draw.While things are going good, back away and let her initiate for a while. Don’t panic and text her. Wait her out. At least give it a couple three days before you take the initiative.Early on in a relationship like this is when you establish the norms. If you start this cat mouse routine now, this is what you can expect a year or two down the road.Does this make sense?
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
u said give a couple three dats before take initiative? U mean if she dont message me i should just not message anything at all for at least 3 days and wait for her initiative?
Correct.
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I know that is difficult, but if she doesn’t take any initiative, you don’t have her anyway.
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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
interesting... i thought couples messaged everyday... ok doc ill give it a try. But i have a question, if she just messages once every three days, that means everything is good? and i should just get used to talkin once every three days?
I hope she will get nervous and message you before that, it yes. There is no set amount of messages. My idea though is not so much less messages, but that she take the initiative.
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That was, but yes.
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I hope that was helpful. If it was, please let it be known with a five star rating so I receive credit for it.
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 876
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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