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Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting…

Before I was officially...

Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting with another guy while I was talking to my current boyfriend. I never told him and tried to hide it. Now he knows and is questioning my trust and love for him. He says that everything we had done was fake. Our first date, the first kiss, the first time we had sex, everything. I love him and I want to be with him but I know that can't happen unless he trusts me. What should I do?

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

He's very conflicted about the whole situation. At 2 AM this morning he started having a panic attack and messaged me. He said that he was scared that he wouldn't get a good job when he graduates and that I'll leave him. He said that he would take any job in Saint Louis just to live with me because seeing me and being with me makes him happy.

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Answered in 7 hours by:
1/18/2018
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 981
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
Hello my name is John. I hope I can help you. First of all, it sounds like your problem is much more than your flirtations before you were dating. It sounds like you bf has an anxiety problem and he needs to get help.By help, I mean he needs to see a therapist. You need to be careful not to become his security or your relationship will never mature.I am going to list some things you might do and challenge him to do and then it is on him. He needs to find his own security..1. Apologize for you flirtations and assure him you will do it no more. If possible, break contact with the other boy.2. Reassure him you care about him. If you didn’t you wouldn’t put up with his insecurities.3. He needs to get a grip on his insecurities. Encourage him to get a therapist and/or get on medication.4. Make a plan with him for his future. He needs to plan how he is going to work in stead of worrying about it.5. Last of all, tell him not to fight his stress. Just think on positive things. When the negative thoughts hit him in the wee hours of the morning, just go to another room and sleep there.Honestly, it sounds as if the problem is not you at all. The problem is his anxiety. He needs to find peace before you mature your relationship.
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I don’t think that the entire problem is anxiety. I struggle with anxiety as well and am currently on medication for it. I have stopped flirting with the guy and I never plan on speaking with him again. Are you sure there is nothing more I can do to help my boyfriend get past all of this? I just want things to be normal with him again.
The question is, is he on medication? Other than what I have said, I would say reassure him. He obviously doesn’t think he is good enough for you. Reassure him that he is. Talk about his positive traits . Talk about what you like about him. Compliment him. Last of al, the negative. Decide how long you are going to to coddle him like this. Eventually he just needs to get over it and rest you. You can’t be responsible for his emotional security forever.Does that make sense?
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I hope that was helpful. If it was, please let it be known with a five star rating so I receive credit for it.
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I just feel like I.t was my fault. I don’t think he ever had a problem like this before. All of the girls he had dated before that wronged him he just cut out of his life. He’s never stuck around to try and fix things.
All the more reason to reassure him. Honesty though, my understanding was this was before you even started dating him. It is history now regardless. He needs to forgive and forget. The only thing you can do is
Reassure of your love for him now. You can’t change the past, but he can change how it affects him.
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 981
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Verified
John-Michaels and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Okay. Thank you for your help
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