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My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex,

My boyfriend and I...

My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex, I kept texting him till he said leave me alone and then broke up with me.. can I get him back

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

I really love him, he had history with his ex while we were together

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

But he said he only talked to her a few weeks ago to give her condolences as she had found a way to text him

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Hes broken up with me before when I keep fighting with him and came back a few days later
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I don't want to lose him
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
He hadn't spoken to his ex since july and I believe he wasn't back with her now but my doubts made me fight him
Answered in 1 hour by:
1/14/2018
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,927
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

Was that the only time he reached out to her to send her condolences or was this happening throughout your relationship?

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
He had been texting her last year but he ended it after I found out and promised to change, he did he then met my parents and we started talking about getting engaged. But he promises he stayed loyal to me the entire time he talked to her to offer condolences

If that has been the only contact since promising you he would stop, then I think it is a kind and caring act to reach out to offer condolences. He may have reacted to you strongly because he felt accused. I know you want him back so I would send him a text and let him know that you feel you overreacted by him reaching out to offer condolences and you did that because of how much you love him and worry sometimes that you will lose him. Let him know you will do what it takes to work on things within yourself and trust yourself and not accuse him of things. Then give him some time and space to process it all and he may miss you and reach back out.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I have but he's been avoiding WhatsApp and hasn't responded to me once .. if I give him time do you think he'll come back... I'm worried he's choosing her in this time apart.

If you push more, then there is more of a chance that he doesn't come back. I know you fear if you stop, then he forgets about you, but in my experience it is not the case...the space allows him to miss you and desire to come back. No way to know if he will go to her but sending a condolence message may not indicate he wants to be back with her. Stay the course and let it play out while giving him space and as best you can, do not contact him.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I'm doing my best.. I know I overreacted this time and I don know why I do all the time

Because you love him and fear losing him. Go easy on yourself...everyone feels insecure at times.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I think the fact that he cheated on me made me anxious all the time .. how do I stop that

Well him cheating has not helped at all...those feelings of betrayal take a long time and then if he reaches back out even if for a condolence, it kicks up all those fears. He needs to understand how his behaviors have hurt you and why you question. Go easy on yourself and give him space and I do hope that if he comes back that he can treat you with respect and care.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I'm not going to text him anymore.. I know he's checking my Instagram stories but I'm going to accept life without him.. he should've understood how much it hurt me that he hid talking to her but he instead felt attackef at how I was talking to him.. whether he comes back or not how can I become a better person.. how can I stop reacting so badly and saying mean things

That sounds like the right plan.

We all react when we have been hurt and he kicked up a lot of old wounds. Take a breath next time and be open about the feelings that are being kicked up..."I am feeling worried now, because when you text her it makes me feel like you will leave me for her."

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I'll try to do that
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
It's a long distance relationship also so things are harder

Yes so fears get kicked up even more. Go easy and time will reveal all.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
Thank you it's really hard for me to give him time

I know it is, but I know you know it is the only way right now.

Be well and be strong...you can do this.

Please take a moment to click the rating faces to rate my support. You are not charged again for doing so but without it, I will not receive credit for my support. Thanks for understanding.

Jen

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,927
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
He hasn't texted yet.. I know he left his sister's house to go back to his apartment for work.. is this normal .. will he text me
As I mentioned yesterday the best thing you can do is live your life, try not to watch his every move and see if he reached out. But giving space and time means really giving space and time and not just a little bit of it.
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I checked his Skype he was talking to his ex video chats. He texted me said we can talk tonight but after I saw his Skype I called him and confronted him he said she's good to him while j was always mean because I kept calling him a liar and a cheater .. I've logged out of all his social media, I told him to decide who he wants and if he wants me we move forward focusing on the future and cut all communication with her
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