Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

This answer was rated:

I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's…

Hello, I married into...

Hello, I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's side. Some of the nieces are my age or older, so it is not as if we have had a history together. They were already adults when we met. My husband isn't really close to his family (he was an "oops" baby and is almost a decade younger than the youngest of his other six siblings). His family didn't approve of him, and he never used to even get invited to family events until after we got married. His dad died of cirrhosis of the liver while we were dating. We only usually see said nieces at a couple family events each year. I am currently in graduate nursing school full-time, and I work night shift full-time in a hospital. I've tried explaining my schedule to them before, but I find unless you have worked nights, you don't really get it. I *have* to sleep during the day, or I literally can't sleep at all. I've went 24-30 hours without sleep to attend family events (while, again, being a full time graduate student), and I can't even explain the number of passive-aggressive remarks I get when I practically torture myself (historically speaking; I've started to withdrawal from his family events) to go to events, as I am required to work a certain number of holiday hours. His niece is getting married this weekend. I work until 7:30 a.m. the day of the wedding (tonight through Saturday morning), and I also work Sunday night to Monday. Severe winter weather is predicted tonight. I will have to go without sleep for a long amount of time, travel for the wedding in possibly dangerous conditions (route in perfect weather in 2 hours one way), and we won't be able to spend the night because I work tomorrow. I like the niece, but we aren't super close and I can't imagine we ever would be. My husband doesn't care if I don't go. It's mostly my own guilt - I have five younger siblings who do not have kids yet, and I can't imagine missing their kids' events. However, I don't have that kind of relationship with my in-laws. Am I a terrible human being if I don't go?

Expert's Assistant: The Etiquette Expert will know what to do. Is there anything else the Etiquette Expert should be aware of?

This niece made a comment about how she couldn't imagine if all of her aunts and uncles couldn't make it to her wedding. She's free to have her wedding whenever she wants, obviously, but January is notorious for bad weather in Northern Ohio. The irony in her statement is my husband didn't have any aunts and uncles at our wedding, and many of my aunts and uncles not only didn't attend, but outright protested our wedding because we were married outside of the Catholic church. I think the protesting of our wedding what bothered me; we didn't care at all about my husband's aunts and uncles, as he doesn't have a relationship with them. We didn't even really realize he didn't have aunts and uncles there until we were evaluating his niece's remarks

Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I should add that I harbor no animosity towards my niece; I think she's a good person. It's just such terrible timing. I'd like to be able to sleep, not drive in a blizzard, and be able to work on my school work. I just personally don't feel close enough to my husband's family... which makes me strongly consider not going, so that I can actually sleep, be safe, and do what I need to do to pass my very expensive and challenging courses.
Answered in 14 minutes by:
1/12/2018
VA-NP
VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16,498
Experience: Nurse Practitioner
Verified

Hello,

Welcome to our site and thanks for your question. My name is ***** ***** I'll be helping you today.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Thank you

Hi there,

I remember working on my nursing MS and PhD and then DNP while also doing hospital shifts, so I can understand your situation. I think you're right in saying that no one understands night shift unless they have been there.

My question is "why are you beating yourself up over this?"

Send the niece whatever gift you were going to send anyway along with your best wishes for her future happiness. You should stay home and sleep whatever hours you can manage and study. Please don't feel guilty about it. If it were your husband's sister, I might say try to go, but for a niece that isn't even close, it isn't worth the hassle.

Weddings aren't mandatory for anyone, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not going. Just make nice with the family when you see them and perhaps express your regret that you were unable to make it due to work scheduling. It should not be a problem for anyone unless they are just being super-critical. If that's the case, nothing you do would please them anyway. Your not being there isn't a comment about the bride, but just a fact of life. You should feel no more guilt than if you were a patient at your hospital and unable to attend.

VA-NP
VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16,498
Experience: Nurse Practitioner
Verified
VA-NP and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Was this answer helpful?
Ask VA-NP Your Own Question
VA-NP
VA-NP
VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16,498
16,498 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Nurse Practitioner

VA-NP is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I snooped on my boyfriend and read his text messages. There
Hello - I snooped on my boyfriend and read his text messages. There was nothing really there but a few flirty messages with an ex. I felt instantly guilty and went and told him and he blew up. He said… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
First does this cost? I am 36, have bipolar, and and have
Ok I am 36, have bipolar, and and have shared care of my sonwho is 5. have a friend /ex we are very close and he and I are friends with benefits i suppose.. we see each other most days and text lots. we have known each otger for about years.We dated for a few months in Jan 2017 … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I am challenged with my husbands parenting style. He works
I am challenged with my husbands parenting style. He works away for two weeks every month When it's just the three of us, my son is 11 and in therapy for low self esteem and my daughter is 9. When hub… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Did you receive my request contact with Jean and I via phone
Hello Did you receive my request for follow up contact with Jean and I via phone or text? Patrick… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Doctor
Doctoral Degree
338 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I met last Nov. We both work hours and he
My boyfriend and I met last Nov. We both work long hours and he is a single father of two.He works 7-days until the project ends - from 10 to 8 pm (M/T), from 3 pm to 1am (WtoS). He has kids every mor… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I'm a 28 year old male. My girlfriend and I have been dating
I'm a 28 year old male. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 year. I'm worried my sexual performance is affecting our relationship. Its an embarrassing question so I'd prefer to get an answer fr… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
448 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I are having problems and wanted to know is
my boyfriend and I are having problems and wanted to know is there a such thing as a break. No we have not talked thru our problem … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I have someone in my life that is kind of a FWB but also a
Second opinion] i have someone in my life that is kind of a FWB but also a good friend. We have been seeing each other for 6 years now but we dont live in the same country. We talk (call or chat) almo… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
Me and this girl started talking when she had a boyfriend. I
Me and this girl started talking when she had a boyfriend … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
Am I giving you my detailed problem I'm dealing with? Or
Am I giving you my detailed problem I'm dealing with? Or just what its about? … read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
17 satisfied customers
A coworker of mine is married to a complete jerk. I'm not
A coworker of mine is married to a complete jerk. I'm not sure why she's still with him but she is. The other day, she told me that she got to know another man from a previous job and they still keep … read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks we've never texted
I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks we've never texted a lot but usually message at least once a day and see each other a few times a week. Now I haven't heard from him in 3 days, I didn't try to… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I want you to know my experience with my second date with in
Hi Jen , I want you to know my experience with my second date with John in Pa.. It was a long ride and he offered me to move in , seriously. He wanted me to stay the night which I didn't do, and drove… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I have a question me and my girlfriend going thru a
Hello I have a question me and my girlfriend going thru a breakdown right now because she think I'm cheating cause I didn't want to give her my phone ever since that day I applied for my action but to… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
My boyfriend who I've known for 20 yrs and I decided to try
My boyfriend who I've known for 20 yrs and I decided to try again with a romantic relationship again while he was incarcerated recently, he was in jail for 7 months, it was awesome, he was a dream, co… read more
Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
424 satisfied customers
Thanks for your support. I am grieving for. He is the
Hi Jen, Thanks for your support. I am grieving for Gary. He is the highschool sweetheart who has briefly broken up with the home coming queen (Yes from our school) to reconnect with me and we were mom… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
Hope all is well. I hope you don't mind as I really need to
Hi Jen, Hope all is well . I hope you don't mind as I really need to process a couple of things that have happened most recently. I have put distance between me and the long term relationship guy , me… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
960 satisfied customers
I have been in a relationship for yr & a half..I'm 36, in
Please help! I have been in a relationship for yr & a half..I'm 36, in nursing school..boyfriend is 33 and an electrician assistant that constantly says he dsnt like his job/can't afford much except t… read more
Ashleigh
Ashleigh
Neurodevelopmental Psychologist
Master of Education in Educational Psychology
17 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x