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I have a question that pertains to compromising in a

Hi, I have a question...
Hi, I have a question that pertains to compromising in a marriage. I'll start by saying when I meant my wife I was open to moving out of state. We got married and last year my company relocated to NC from MD. The wife was excited for the move. She is originally from OH. I myself was havingsecond thoughts being we have a 1 year old then and hated taking them away from family. My wifes family lived in TX at the time. I went along with the move and I have not been happy from day one. I have been homesick and just don't want to be here. I like my job and NC isn't a bad place to live I just want to go back to MD. We have a second child on the way which is making things worse for me with wanting to go back. I talked to my wife about it and she says she does not want to go back and it's just what I want. I agreed that it's not fair to her, however I don't know what the best compromise is in this situation. I feel she would have went back however her mom and dad moved to NC 4 months after we did which was a surprise to me. I kind of think they had this all planned just was waiting for us to get NC. So my question is there a compromise that I can come up with that works for both? I feel I'm stuck here, being my wife won't leave and if we call it quits in our marriage over it, I'm still not going to go back being my kids will be in NC. Thanks, Mike
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Answered in 1 hour by:
1/9/2018
Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human Services Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 22
Experience: Master of Science degree, in Human Services Counseling.
Verified

01-09-18

Hello:

There appears to be many unresolved

issues between you, and your wife.

(And, possibly your in-laws.)

However, there are some situations

which cannot be handled properly

without professional help, by a qualified

mental health professional.

In my opinion, it is better to seek

professional help with a completely neutral

'qualified professional.'

*Perhaps, the two of you should consider

going for some 'couples counseling.'

I believe that counseling may really

be helpful in regard to your situation.

For example, 'Counseling' could help possibly

help the two of you make some choices which will

be right for the two of you, as well as for your

child, and baby on the way.

Even if the two of you decide to no longer

remain 'a couple,' perhaps you could still consider

seeking professional help together regarding

co-parenting, since there is a child involved in

this situation. (*Especially, with a baby on the way.)

Also, counseling may also help the two of

you look at 'parenting issues' such as;

are the two of you providing a situation which

is emotionally healthy, happy, and productive,

for your child. (*As well as preparing for the new baby.)

*Even a toddler, and/or younger child, can sometimes

sense when ​there are some emotional tensions in the

home.

*The two of you can seek at least an initial consultation,

with a 'qualified mental health professional.'

A qualified professional, would be able to help make

a determination as to what type of therapy,

and/or, what type of mental health professional,

are needed, (if any).

I am suggesting that you both seek professional

help together; ​because from what you

described, there could be other unresolved

issues within your overall relationship that you

may not be aware of, which may also be affecting

your child.

If the two of you decide to pursue some counseling together;

a good place to start is with your own physician, or the local

hospital's referral service.

If finances are a factor, then you should explain this upfront; and

perhaps the service will be able to direct you to a professional

who charges less money, or allows for installment plans.

Lastly, I always aim to give customers a

five star level-of-service when answering questions.

I hope this information has been helpful.

Good luck.

_________________________________________

Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer may be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

*Rosemary S., is not a psychologist, and earned a Master of Science degree,

in Human Services Counseling.

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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,806
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

I am so sorry to hear of this strife and struggle and yes you are in a tough predicament. It sounds like your wife has already compromised when she moved with you to NC for your work. Now, she has made a life there and feels content. You on the other hand do not so this impasse exists. I don't see much changing and I think when you mention compromise at this point, that really means how can you get your wife to move back? But I just don't see that happening...so the best you can do is ask that after each year you revisit the issue and check in with one another to see what the possibilities are.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,806
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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