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I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and…

I have seen ads for...
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and cuddle clubs. Is this a bad idea to be touching someone who you don't know and have no specific reason to care about? My wife and I experienced an overwhelming amount of deaths last year, as well as breakdowns in the organizations we attend that don't meet anymore. Etc. We are on antidepressants and doing the logical steps to rebuild. But we still feel isolated. I really don't think we would want the full amount of contact allowed. But it would be nice to know other people exist. Is this just a shortcut to full relationships, or is this all some people want/need?
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
1/9/2018
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified
Hey! Thank you for the “personal request.” It’s interesting that mentioned this sort of situation. I was just reading that holding hands or snuggling with someone whom you care about can instantly reduce stress. Have you and your wife found time to offer physical affection, that is not sexual in nature, to comfort one another? Or do you feel awkwardness about being close to one another? Are there roadblocks keeping you from being close?
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I think it seemed like i read that 15 minutes of cuddling daily can release oxytocin that decreases cortisol, or the stress hormone.
I think that sharing that “intimacy” or that physical touch could be damaging to your relationship, if it isn’t approached with specific boundaries that both of you would appreciate being in place but also that continue to lead to respect for one another. I think it would be hard with the turmoil that you guys have had in the past to possibly not feel intimidated by the presence of another person, no matter how removed, in the relationship. I would hate to see any cracks formed in your foundation, especially if you’re already dealing with spiritual warfare.....
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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
In terms of my wife and me, we hold hands when we are walking, we kiss and hug, and lean into each other while watching TV.When I hug a woman other than my wife, there may be a little warm fuzzy or feeling of belonging. When I hug another man, one I respect, there may be a feeling of exhilaration, like oh boy I got picked for the team. When my wife and I hug, it is like we fall into each other, an endless passing through.Now I wonder if a massage would be a more rewarding touch therapy. And my wife and I could do that without spending a lot of money. I used to rub her back every night for a half hour before we went to sleep. She loved it. I think that stopped when we moved from the apartment to our house. A lot of routines changed. Like getting a puppy.I totally agree there could be dangers with outside snuggling. She would tell me she she was worried. Unless she thought I was getting so much out of it she didn't want to deprive me. I don't think it is worth the risk.It's difficult because my wife and I are both givers. We give so deeply we can sometimes feel depleted. Especially when we are helping at a level others don't recognize. We know how much it is possible to reach out to other people and it can hurt when we are overlooked. Maybe I am looking for a new avenue. But I think I should put it out of my head.
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
My wife and I were sitting on the couch and our dog wedged himself between our thighs. I said, oh look, he is snuggling both of us! Then I asked her if she knew there are professional cuddlers you pay to cuddle, and cuddle clubs. She said, yes, she saw a news segment on TV about it. Girls in college were making a lot of money doing it to pay their tuition. They didn't try to tie it in with sex. But they questioned the morality of it -- if you have a boyfriend, is cuddling with a stranger cheating on your boyfriend?Then I asked her what she thought of it. She said she didn't know why she would want to do it for HERSELF. But she wondered if sometime she might want to do it for SOMEONE ELSE. Not a paid situation or a club. But for an example, an older lady who couldn't get out much and was lonely. She said she could see them going out to dinner to get her out of the house and going home cuddling on the couch a little. (Isn't she wondefrul! Always thinking of others.) When people see my wife, they literally run to her, grab her, and sometimes won't let go.With all the turmoil in our lives right know, I think it would be unwise to add anything extra (besides going to new churches). It could add confusion and more things to sort through.I do need to work on being less inhibited about touching other men in case I want to reach out to comfort someone. If a man approaches me first, I am fine with it. But I am afraid to make the first move. A friend of her family was asked what he would do if a man hugged him. He said, "Well, I would beat him up." I realize that is extreme, but there is a hesitancy in our culture. But there is a trend in our media now for men to do too much hugging - fake and exaggerated. It reminds me of rich French women who kiss each others' cheeks but don't actually touch.I don't think the cuddlers fad is for us. I do think in every day life we would be more willing to give than most people. But it seems there should be some kind of nurture or act of encouragement involved.
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
This is so enlightening! I will close this question and start a new one when I get something else on my mind. Thank you so much.
Customer reply replied 7 months ago
The stars and the submit button do not light up when I roll my pointer over them. I can' rate this question.

Hi, I have to apologize. I have not been online in quite some time due to personal constraints. I find that you are very insightful and understand a great deal about your personal needs. I am really proud of you for deducting the best outcome that works well for you and your wife and I again apologize for the lack of the online presence :)

CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
What I have concluded from this discussion is the main and most important thing is my wife and I have each other. As far as other people are concerned, I should not manipulate or "arrange" an emotional interaction or connection. Just let it happen in the natural course of events. I can put myself in situations that might provide more opportunities in different climates or environments. But for now the most profitable thing I have done is to examine what I am comfortable with and how far I will stretch my boundaries, both incoming and outgoing. .At the moment an interaction presents itself, I will not have the time or opportunity to say "Freeze for an hour while I weigh the pro's and con's." It has to be spontaneous, or the moment will be lost. Thank you.
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