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My guy friend says he doesn't deserve me. But then tells me…

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My guy friend says...

My guy friend says he doesn't deserve me. But then tells me he's afraid of losing me. He tells me I'm around too much then when I leave says stay. He's nice and cinsuferste one day then the next he's rude and obnoxious. I flat out asked him if he had feelings or attraction and he refused to answer rather he went on an on about how much he trusts me with everything then ended it with I show it. Every Friday for months we've made dinner together tonight he thanked me for coming tha

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

The Friday night dinners are a given so why thank me? He says he's not ready for a relationship but then says he doesn't know what he wants and trying to get through his stuff.

Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 12 minutes by:
1/6/2018
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 7 months ago
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7,877
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I fully understand how frustrated you are and even confused by his mixed signals - and rightly so, but I'm afraid that I"m not sure what you are asking

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
I apologize. I'm trying to understand what's going on. What is behind the push -pull. Does he have feelings or is he playing games. Can you value someone and do this?
For the record when he told me he can't do a relationship right now, I never asked for one. I know he's in no position to try and be in a relationship with me or anyone.
Counselor: Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy replied 7 months ago

Why is he unable to be in a relationship?

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Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 7 months ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
It sounds to me like the push-pull happens because he is confused as to what he wants. It sounds like he does care for you but then might feel very nervous and when those feelings of nerves come up that is when he pulls away. So it will come down to whether you want to stay in this type of dynamic with him and hope that he can feel more and more comfortable and let his guard down and show his true feelings or if you feel that you cannot stay and must leave at this point. There is no way to know whether he will be able to work out these feelings for himself so it is up to you as to what works for you. We don't know why he behaves in this manner it could be because of past hurts or even his childhood but right now it does sound like he is struggling with this back-and-forth of his powerful feelings and then feeling nervous about them.
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Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 7 months ago
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