Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I am looking for advice on how to establish communication…

Customer Question
Hi there I am...

Hi there I am looking for advice on how to establish communication again with a girl who has recently gone quiet on me through our phones - Can you help? Thanks

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

We met about 45 days ago - Communication was good off the start. We had two amazing dates. She expressed her interest in me physically as well as verbally. She is a recent college graduate, in a new city, and very committed to her job, also she is not good with her phone, which is ok but sometimes tough for me. Because of her job time commitments we had two dates that we had to cancel. We have not seen each other since around middle of December. We talked for about 10 days straight and since Christmas i have heard nothing. Sent a text Christmas day, called a few days later, wished her a happy NYE - I have heard nothing back. I am a bit confused on why she has gone silent & what the best way to get her attention and primarily get back in front of her again. I have been out of town and we will both be back in the same city in a few days and I would like to see her, but do not want to freak her out. Any suggestions on what I should do? Thanks

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?

I know her family is important to her and over the holidays was splitting time focusing on each parent, grandmother, sister - So she was probably focused on that, but i feel like if interested wouldve been more responsive. She returned back to where we live for an athletic game with her college, a bunch of her friends were in town and then celebrated New Years before returning to work. I was out of town for New Years and when her friends were in town, still am - But could possibly see her in a few days

Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 6 hours by:
1/4/2018
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 7 months ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Verified

Thank you for your question. I hope that I can offer some insight or perspective for you.... This is a tough one though. I think that you are aware of the need to probably tread likely so that it does not seem that you are over-zealous about seeing her, but also don't send the wrong messages to her such as "not being interested at all." I think that I would focus on what you know about her-- she isn't glued to her phone, which is good, and also suggests that she is independent. She appreciates one on one time with family and friends and focuses on the quality of those interactions. It may also mean that she desires those qualities in someone. You notice how not having communication with her has led you to feel that you want to spend time with her and actually are seeking some sort of interaction, right? So, maybe you could actually take her approach for a while and see what happens? There is an author who wrote a book called “Silent Power.” His name is***** have several of his books here in my home. He talks about when you recognize that you want something badly that you pay a "wanting it tax." I am going to send you a quote about this..... "When you lean psychologically or emotionally toward people, it is a sure sign of insecurity. It makes others feel uncomfortable They resent the way you’re leaning on them and will react by denying you. They don’t like your self-indulgence and your insecurity reminds them of their own vulnerability. It rattles them. Animosity builds. Consciously and subliminally, they sense the weakness your leaning creates, it robs them of energy and crowds them. They have to buy into your needs and emotions when they would prefer to concentrate on their own. They don’t like the imposition and they often react negatively, even if they don’t say so. Alternatively, they accept the imposition of your ways, but then feel they can take advantage of you emotionally, sexually or financially. They will feel empowered to use you, or deprecate you, or discredit you, in some way. Remember, when your energy touches others, they subliminally know if you are weak or strong. It effects how they see you. Thus an important first step in silent power is don’t lean. It’s obvious but most don’t know it. When you are frantic for people, your needs have an air of desperation. They weaken you and push things away from you. Have you ever had a romantic relationship where the other person was all over you like a hot rash, desperate for you? What did you do? Probably for the first few days you enjoyed the attention but on day 3 you gave this person a hard time and you started to toe them around by the nose. You enjoyed that for a bit but eventually their insecurity or desperation bugged you and soon you tossed this person out. When you are in love and crave someone, and this individual keeps his or her distance or retreats from you, then your desire increases. If this person advances to far forward then your desire lessens, or may dissipate completely. When you’re desperate for a deal and lean into it, you push it away or you wind up paying more. It’s called wanting it tax. Before every deal take a moment in the hallway and remind yourself you don’t need it. If you don’t get it, it doesn’t bother you. If you do get it, it will be under your terms and you won’t pay too much’." That sounds counter-intuitive, but what it offers is contrast. She knows you desire time with her, but if you don't communicate with her for a bit, she may want to know what is going on in your life, and reach out to you? What would you think about that approach? That sort of puts the ball back in your court, more than you realize.....

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 7 months ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
828 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor

CounselorJules is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I met a guy online. We chatted on the site few days. He went
I met a guy online. We chatted on the site for a few days. He went out of town for a week and he called twice with each call very short. He came home with a cold so I hadn't met him yet. He was down f… read more
Tarra Bates-Duford
Tarra Bates-Duford
CEO
Doctoral Degree
29 satisfied customers
Hey doctor, may 2013 my wife told me she felt hopeless for
Hey doctor, may 2013 my wife told me she felt hopeless for our marriage and although she loved me,she was no longer in love with me. We lived together for another 6 months but I slept on the couch dow… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
I JUST VISITED MY WIFE OUT OF TOWN WHILE SHE WAS ON A BUSINESS
I JUST VISITED MY WIFE OUT OF TOWN WHILE SHE WAS ON A BUSINESS TRIP. SHE SAID SHE WAS HAPPY I CAME BUT COULD NOT BELIEVE I MISSED HER THAT MUCH THAT I DID ACTUALLY COME. I DID SO BECAUSE OUR RELATIONS… read more
Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
9,633 satisfied customers
We lived together for a few months in my apartment..he would
We lived together for a few months in my apartment..he would always say he was leaving to find work or spend time wit his boys he had with his ex-wife divorced almost 3 years now she would call early … read more
NormanM
NormanM
Partner in private practice
Adv Dip Psychotherapy (with Distinc
89 satisfied customers
Together for 15mths, met in the UK, Im Australias and she
Together for 15mths, met in the UK, I'm Australias and she had the idea of coming to live in Aus for a year. We've been in Aus for 2.5 months now, when we arrived we stayed with my parents for 2 weeks… read more
Dr. L
Dr. L
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
366 satisfied customers
My girlfriend and I have been together for six years. We live
My girlfriend and I have been together for six years. We live in a small city on the east coast. We are currently renting a house, which (through my place of employment) I have been given the option t… read more
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
365 satisfied customers
I have been dating my girlfriend for almost three years and
I have been dating my girlfriend for almost three years and we both had just graduated from college. Towards the end of the year she asked me to talk about our relationship. I have noticed a differenc… read more
Dan B.
Dan B.
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
19 satisfied customers
My ex GF and I mutually agreed to break up in Sept. She is
My ex GF and I mutually agreed to break up in Sept. She is in her mid 20's and I am in my mid 40's. We had been together for two years and talked about marriage, but soon the relationship fizzled and … read more
Dr. L
Dr. L
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
366 satisfied customers
HELLO, I RECENTLY MET AN OLD GIRLFRIEND I HAVENT SEEN IN MORE
HELLO, I RECENTLY MET AN OLD GIRLFRIEND I HAVENT SEEN IN MORE THAN 11 YEARS. WE WERE SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT 4 MONTHS PRIOR TO MEETING IN LAS VEGAS. SHE CAME TO VISIT ME FROM BRAZIL. WE HAD A… read more
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
365 satisfied customers
i meet a girl a few weeks ago been chatting on the phnone and
i meet a girl a few weeks ago been chatting on the phnone and messaging everyday meet her last week she came to my house we had a great time laughing and joking lots of flirting , had a very passionat… read more
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
847 satisfied customers
Hi, My girlfriend of 7 years and I broke up about 2 months
Hi, My girlfriend of 7 years and I broke up about 2 months ago. It was a mutual breakup with me kind of the leader in wanting it. It wasn't that I didn't love her, it was that financially what I thoug… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Hi--thanks for addressing my question. I have been with my
Hi--thanks for addressing my question. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 4 months. He has two daughters. One is 18 and a senior in high school and one is 21 and in her 3rd year of college.… read more
Suzanne
Suzanne
Therapist, LCSW
Master's Degree
338 satisfied customers
I recently moved across country to take a new job. My girlfriend
I recently moved across country to take a new job. My girlfriend of 5 years and I decided we would try to make it work. She also has to move in the same state for a school she was accepted into. After… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
450 satisfied customers
I met a girl not too long ago in my nursing class (recently
I met a girl not too long ago in my nursing class (recently graduated thank God). She had been dating this guy for 4 years and he proposed to her last July. I had always been attracted and had a crush… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
Ok theres this girl that I used to work with. She's very
Ok theres this girl that I used to work with. She's very beautiful and we have a lot in common. We used to work a restaurant and we used to help each other out a lot. And every time she used to walk p… read more
Expert
Expert
Hi my girlfriend and I started dating sophomore year of high
Hi my girlfriend and I started dating sophomore year of high school. Things were good for the majority of those three years in high school. We broke up maybe once during high school for a few weeks. W… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Hi, this might be a long one. Theres this girl I like at
Hi, this might be a long one. Theres this girl I like at university and I feel she's giving me mixed messages, and i dont know what to do about it. Basically, We kissed before christmas and i have sle… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I was dating a lady for 3 yrs & in sept she ended the relationship.
I was dating a lady for 3 yrs & in sept she ended the relationship. she said she loved me but felt she had to move on. she has trust issues & told me it was apparent to her i am not a one woman man. s… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x