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Happy New Year. My girlfriend I had broke up in mid August…

Customer Question
Hi happy New Year...

Hi happy New Year. My girlfriend I had broke up in mid August since then to this present day we have been back and forth trying to rekindle a relationship we have behaved as if we are still together and none of this ever happened being intimate telling each other we love each other we're going to make this work staying over one another's house going out on dates Church and then she goes and randomly hooks up with a guy at a bar is that considered cheating? My feelings and Outlook is if we had no contact from when we broke up until now and we try to get back together and she hooked up with somebody in the process I would not consider that cheating because we are officially broken up no contact by any means the fact that we remained in contact going out on dates sleeping over one another's house making love like it never even happened spending Christmas together and she goes out hooks up with a random guy at a bar to me that is cheating because we are still involved trying to get back together I just want to know if I am right or wrong please help

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

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Submitted: 8 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 1 hour by:
1/3/2018
Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 8 months ago
CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 828
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
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Hi,I'm Jules, a LPC,I am reviewing your relationship question now. If you don't mind, please be patient and will be back shortly with a response :)

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 8 months ago

Well, I appreciate the vulnerability and honesty involved in your question. This situation could feel very confusing to someone involved. It sounds like basically you are "together" minus the "label" of being in a relationship. It sounds like you guys have carried on in every way as though you are a couple and for there to be another person involved somewhere along the way would definitely feel like a breach of trust. I couldn't say you are "right or wrong" but what I can say is that your perspective is YOUR truth. What I mean by that is, if it feels like it was cheating, it will be cheating to you. You will likely respond to the situation as if it was cheating and honestly, I think most people would feel betrayed. I would encourage you to think about what maybe led to the actions and focus on if you think you could move beyond it? Is this a pattern that has occurred in the past? If so, permitting it now could mean that you are promoting it for the future..... Clearly, something is not "right" with the boundaries of the situation and you have to remember your worth in the relationship....Does that make sense?

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 8 months ago

You guys use the words "love" with one another and share details of your day and your time together; having said that, I think it sounds like a relationship-- According to a "bing search, A relationship is defined as the following: "the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected" or "an emotional and sexual association between two people" so, if you get down to the brass tacks of it..... it sounds like a relationship. It sounds like you are right to feel hurt and betrayed and now you have to determine if you are willing to move beyond this? completely beyond this, as in, willing to try and find real forgiveness and build trust that it wouldn't happen again. She would also likely need to show real remorse and a willingness to admit she was wrong for her choice, while accepting responsibility for her actions in the situation, if you were going to be able to trust her and work through it. It is possible to work through the situation but it usually takes both people willing to look at what their roles were contributing to the situation in the first place..... Let me know what you think :)

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 8 months ago

hope that this has been helpful and that you will provide a positive rating (3 stars or better) for the answer or information that you have received. You can do this by clicking on the rating button and providing a score. The communication does not have to cease if you provide a rating, but it is the only way that the experts receive credit. My goal is to provide with you excellent service. I wish you the best and if you need further clarification, please feel free to ask more questions. I can also send more specific resources if necessary for you!

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Counselor: CounselorJules, Counselor replied 8 months ago
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