Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

My adult daughter hasn't spoken to me in 8 years because I…

Customer Question
My adult daughter hasn't...

My adult daughter hasn't spoken to me in 8 years because I divorced her Father. It was complicated. Her Father had been embezzling and sued 5 times, put us in financial ruin and I had an affair. I married the man I had an affair with. Both my children have taken their Dad's side and my son does speak to me but will have nothing to do with my new husband. I have been re-married now for 5 years. My daughter has gotten married and had a baby this year. Do I buy for them for Christmas? Every year I send a check but it never gets cashed. But now there is a Grandbaby.. not sure what to do. I know where they live and have tried numerous times to get her to come to the door but she will not. I am so sad over all this. It is heartbreaking.

Expert's Assistant: I should have chatted with the Psychologist on a daily basis with my two kids. And maybe about my brothers, too. You are so doing the right thing getting in touch with one of them. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

Not really... My new husband has three adult kids and they love me... My life would be complete if my children would just be part of my life.

Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 2 hours by:
12/20/2017
Counselor: Mary Baker, Consultant replied 7 months ago
Mary Baker
Mary Baker, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 77
Experience: Owner at Solid Communications
Verified

Hi, my name is ***** ***** I'd like to help you with this problem.

It is really heart-breaking when your own children turn away from you. Financial irresponsibility on the part of a spouse can cause so much pain and heartbreak in a relationship--plus shame, fear, guilt and even panic attacks for the innocent spouse. Many people assume that when someone divorces for "money reasons" that they are just being materialistic and callous. Your children may have been coached by your ex to see you that way.

Also, you haven't mentioned if there was a lot of open recrimination during the divorce. Children do not respond well to that and will tend to side with the parent who is best at playing the victim.

Patience and persistence are definitely key, and it sounds as though you are committed to both. Young people often have an idealized view of the world and won't understand your pain, or what you've been through, until they experience a few hard knocks themselves.

Meanwhile, here are a few things you can do:

  1. Instead of sending checks, which are rather impersonal, send a gift card for a popular baby outlet.
  2. Also start sending small baby gifts addressed directly to your grandchild(ren).
  3. Try to communicate with your ex and ask him to put in a good word for you. Bury your pride along with the proverbial hatchet if you have to. Be persistent. If he refuses to cooperate then HE will have to explain that to your kids. But don't complain if things don't go your way, and do not discuss your attempts with your kids, ever. Again, just be patient and persistent. If he is arrogant or bitter toward you, let him be that way. Turn up the charm and try again.
  4. Accept that your children may never accept your current husband. Odds are good, though, that with time and experience of their own, they probably will.
  5. Be sure you have a vibrant, happy Facebook page with a lot of friends. Be accessible on Facebook and maybe one other medium, like Snapchat. Learn to take selfies. Kids (of any age, even adult) are possessive of their parents, and if they see you having fun with other people, including your stepkids, they'll want to stake a claim. Make sure your social media pages are clean (not wallpapered with annoying games or memes), polished and professional.
  6. When you do speak with your son, listen carefully to him, ask about the details of his life, be responsive and helpful--but also respect his privacy and boundaries. Lots of praise and compliments always help too!
  7. Be happy and active. Expand your boundaries, travel, try new things, volunteer. Having lots of things to report about when you talk to your son will make you seem less like a victim and will be irresistibly attractive to your kids.

Best of luck!

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Mary Baker, Consultant replied 7 months ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a counselorLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Mary Baker Your Own Question
Mary Baker
Mary Baker
Mary Baker, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 77
77 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Owner at Solid Communications

Mary Baker is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,744 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

385 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
Hi. I marrried a man that I love and he loves me. We married
Hi. I marrried a man that I love and he loves me. We married about one year ago and lived as a couple for 9 yrs. The problem is my husbands wife passed away about 12 yrs. ago I was divorced from a 27 … read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Estranged Parents. Is there anything to do or just forget
Estranged Parents. Is there anything to do or just forget they ever existed? My daughters are married. Ages 38 and 36. 5 grandchildren. My daughter had a child in February. I didn't know she was pregn… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
966 satisfied customers
I think what we all vie for in a blended family is time, attention,
I think what we all vie for in a blended family is time, attention, and affection from the common person that we all love. And when someone is blocking that, for whatever reason, we become jealous and… read more
DrFee
DrFee
Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
168 satisfied customers
I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HAS A MASTERS IN CHILD PSYCHOLOGY
I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HAS A MASTERS IN CHILD PSYCHOLOGY IF AVAILABLE. WE HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD GRANDBABY THAT WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A TEMPORARY (LEGALLY) JOINT CUSTODY (BATTLE) WITH OUR EX SON-IN-LA… read more
Bonnie
Bonnie
Doctoral Degree
200 satisfied customers
After almost 13 years of marriage, 3 children (11 yo twin girls
After almost 13 years of marriage, 3 children (11 yo twin girls and 10 yo son), multiple affairs (on his part), my ex-husband asked for a divorce to marry his last affair. It has been 1 1/2 years. Sin… read more
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
Earning Associate degree
1,299 satisfied customers
I have been married for 17 years, we have 3 boys (9, 10, and
I have been married for 17 years, we have 3 boys (9, 10, and 16). My husband has a 19 year old daughter. We always had problems with her mother, and the last time we saw his daughter was when she was … read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
my husband has been having affair with a 30 yearoldas he works
my husband has been having affair with a 30 yearoldas he works abroad. he told me on christmas eve. He is 55 and I am 50. we have a 14yrold son 17yearold daughter-alevel and university year. I have as… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I was married to a man for 8 years who was always dominated
I was married to a man for 8 years who was always dominated by his ex and daughter. They finally broke up our marriage by manipulating my husband. The daughter would not talk to him and they always th… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
Ive been married for 21 years. I found out in November 2008
I've been married for 21 years. I found out in November 2008 that my husband was having an affair with a colleague at work (she's 13 years younger than him - he was 48 - him and I are the same age - w… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
450 satisfied customers
My husbands family interferred in our lives and also put me
My husbands family interferred in our lives and also put me down (jokingly) in from of my husband and children. The anomosity in my relationship with them culminated in a rift with his sister after I … read more
Cher
Cher
JustAnswer Expert & Mentor;Teacher/Tutor
Masters Degree
1,382 satisfied customers
I am married to a man almost 2 yrs.He was married 2x before.He
I am married to a man almost 2 yrs.He was married 2x before.He has 2 adult children and 1 grandchild. Iam his 3rd wife. For past 20 years his children had nothing to do with him despite their mother l… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
My husband says we are just friends and is living with his
My husband says we are just "friends" and is living with his girlfriend with whom he had a affair with. I do dont want the divorce and am unclear as to the possibilities of him falling back in love wi… read more
Cher
Cher
JustAnswer Expert & Mentor;Teacher/Tutor
Masters Degree
1,382 satisfied customers
My husband and I have been married for a year and a half.
My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. We both have children from previous marriages. He lives with me and my children. However due to his job he works over seas 6 months out of the… read more
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
High School or GED
554 satisfied customers
I married a man older than myself and after 13 years ...
I married a man older than myself and after 13 years married his adult children still do not accept me. There are no pictures of my husband and myself only my husband in their homes.… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
I am a 47 year mother of 4 daughters ages 17 to 26. My 22 ...
I am a 47 year mother of 4 daughters ages 17 to 26. My 22 year old snuck off and married a guy she knew for 2 weeks. Her father and I were shocked and pissed to say the least when we found out. We fin… read more
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Life Coach
853 satisfied customers
Hello there. I have been married to my third husband since ...
Hello there. I have been married to my third husband since November of 2006, and I love him very much, however, I am having trouble trusting him. He has never cheated that I know of, but he has an ex … read more
Walter
Walter
Just Answer Consultant
6,024 satisfied customers
My husband of 21 years recently left me for another married ...
My husband of 21 years recently left me for another married woman. This man had an excellent history as a husband, father, friend, and human being. This behavior has been completely out of character f… read more
EsquireEmily
EsquireEmily
Lawyer
Doctoral Degree
490 satisfied customers
My husband and I are in our second marriage and we ...
My husband and I are in our second marriage and we each have two grown children and grand children. We live in close proxoimity to each other which affords us visits and timw with our grand kids. Howe… read more
Carol
Carol
Wife and mother
Special aptitude dealin with r/ship
148 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x