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I’ve been dating the same guy for the past 8 months. In this…

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Hello, I’ve been dating the same...
Hello,
I’ve been dating the same guy for the past 8 months. In this time, I have fallen in love with him. We typically get along pretty well & we initially had really strong chemistry. He has embraced me, my daughter & my dog (which means a lot to me). However, we are not exclusively dating. He always says I have the traits he would want in a girlfriend, but he wants to take his time. Not sure how much more time he will need, but if bothers me that we are intimate & he could also be the same way with other women. I am also legally married, but my marriage is basically over. We’ve been separated for almost 5 years (he is incarcerated), however, we do share my 6 year old daughter. The guy I’m dating knows about all of this. But, he has never expressed having a problem with any of this.
I spent the last two days with the guy I’m dating, but we had a huge fight last night. He seemed like I was irritating him all day & I thought he was at my house because he wanted to spend time with me. But, it turns out he felt I was smothering him. I didn’t feel like I was. I thought it would be rude for me to go watch tv in another room. All of this came to a head at 2am when we had an argument about this. He wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep feeling uncomfortable in my own home. I asked him if he cared about me & my feelings & he didn’t say anything. So, I told him if he didn’t care about me he needed to go home. I didn’t think he would leave, but he did! He was angry that he had to get up & get dressed. I tried to stop him & I cried & begged him to stay. However, he didn’t work...he left very upset. Now he has blocked me on his social media. I thought he blocked me on his phone also, but we did exchange a few texts today. But, he is all but saying we’re done because last night was too crazy for him. I really love him. What should I do?
Submitted: 2 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 14 hours by:
12/18/2017
Counselor: Olivia Kent,
 replied 2 months ago
Olivia Kent
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,223
Experience: Executive Director at Neurogenx Nerve Center of Princeton
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Hello and welcome to JustAnswer. My name is***** note this site is general information for educational purposes only and doesn’t constitute not legal/medical advice. You might be offered a phone call, but you are under no obligation to accept; the phone call requests don’t come from me - they’re offered by the website - but if you do want a phone call I’d be happy to do that as well.

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Counselor: Olivia Kent,
 replied 2 months ago

Can I ask you a question. If the situation was reversed and you were the one who was angry and probably feeling a little smothered and chose to leave, what would you want him to do? Would you want him to chase you - or would you rather he give you some space? Remember - you're not YOU in this situation you're him. What would you want to happen?

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
Well, I would want some space. But, he was in the bed when I told him he should leave if he didn't care about me. So, he is saying now that I kicked him out in the middle of the night. I told him I cared for him which is why I do what I do for him & I asked if he cared about me as well and he didn't answer me. That's when I said then he should leave.
Counselor: Olivia Kent,
 replied 2 months ago

Y​es, I agree with you. I would want some space as well :) And, as a woman, well... actually... as a human, I know how hard it is to give someone space when you just really really really really want to explain something to them. I get it. And, while I can't tell you what to do, I can tell you that a cooling off period just might make him rethink not wanting to be with you - but a smothering him with phone calls/texts/emails approach probably won't lead to the result you want - as much as I wish I could tell you otherwise. We're all just people and we all just want the people in our lives to care about us - but at the end of the day we can't control someone else's actions. You want to be with someone who wants to be with YOU. And there are a lot of people who will want to be with you. If he's the right person, maybe a cooling off period is just what he needs to realize that.

-----

Reminder: Please note this site is general information for educational purposes only and doesn’t constitute not legal/medical advice.

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Customer reply replied 2 months ago
I definitely understand. But, do you think we're done? I really love him and this was the first time he came over and planned to stay for the entire weekend. I was happy about that, but I was unclear about the amount of space he would be looking for during this stay. Especially considering that this is my home. I will take your advice and hold off on calling or texting anymore. However, when I spoke with him and I asked if we were done he said yeah. Then he said it's gonna take awhile and that we can be friends because what happened Saturday night was too much. This makes me so sad because all I wanted to know was that the man laying in my bed cared enough about me (as much as I cared about him) before going to sleep. I felt he was being distant and stand offish all day. I have a daughter. So, I felt a little uncomfortable in my home trying to function as normal with him there and still enjoy his company. I was willing to make concessions for him, but I wanted to know he was willing to do the same. That's it. Fair exchange.
Counselor: Olivia Kent,
 replied 2 months ago
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Experience: Executive Director at Neurogenx Nerve Center of Princeton

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