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What does it mean when a married man is saying he had no…

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What does it mean when...
What does it mean when a married man is saying he had no idea what he was doing he wasn’t trying to hurt you he didn’t know what an emotional affair meant or was and I had to explain that was what was basically going on with us and he proceeded to ask how do I stop it from continuing with us then and basically in short he says he’s f**ked up he has issues and created boundaries while we never slept together or went out on dates or in public really outside of mandatory work stuff and lunch breaks we did fool around a little bit once on a lunch break and he has certain boundaries but it makes no sense because he was the one who started revealing all this Shit about how messed up his marriage is and was even beofre him and became friends on a personal level outside of the professional level and he started flirting with me subtlety and I realized I had started liking him and that I might have always liked him because he was always a good boss to me at work and alway there for me in my bad times and he understood me and stuck up for me and such... I have known him now almost 2 full years and we just oddly started talking outside of a professional level like 6 months ago and he initiated it all and I fell hard . I knew I’ve always really cared about him but never told him or anyone or showed it much because he was married .. and I never really allowed myself to think too much about it but once he started the downtalking of his wife and marital problems and how bad things were at home for him then things changed and things grew from there over the months .. flirting sexting texting phone calls video chats ... emotional conversations and expressing deep feeling and emotion for me... then there was a point in time when he comeptley changed and pulled back but said nothing was different he just likes me and that’s why he’s acting weird and that he felt I was rushing him though I never told him leave his wife to be with me.. but we both mutually liked each other and he said he wasn’t ready for any major moves or changes yet he consistently told me how bad his marriage was and even told me best friend shortly after that he didn’t wanna leave because of the kids but if his wife takes the ring off one more time or yells at him one more time that he’s done... and he had told me straight up he was there for the kids only but The him I knew outside of all this is a good person so A part of me believed he really was confused and trying to figure out what to do ..then the last week and a half things have kinda been somewhat normal again other than he Isn’t as emotional with me really at all.. he did however also claim that things are getting worse and worse at home and things are complicated and that’s why he talks to me less and less but last night the conversation Was fine and even flirty and emotional and sexual and then I asked him why he didn’t seem to be much of a kisser and he said kissing is very emotional for me.. you have to remember I’m married and if you and kissed more or kissed at all outside of the one time we fooled around on a lunch break that it would be much harder for us and for him because we would be more emotionally hurt and tied to each other and he said if he was dating me he would.. and he asked me if this made sense and I said no because how is it ok that you sext with me send me pics and videos and vise versa and have me do things to you that your probably aren’t getting anymore at home and also ask me last night if I would do certain things for him obviously implying again he’s not happy and doesn’t get it from the wife... and then say kissing is very emotional and other stuff is not ok because he’s married ... so me blowing you was ok while your married.. you fooling around with me was ok, you telling me how you feel about me and what you wanna do with me to me is ok? Me giving you validation is ok? Anywyas I ended up super hurt of course and told him to just comeptlly leave me alone and do right by his wife because he can’t reverse the damage he’s done to me and that he clearly loves her otherwise he wouldn’t care what he did but the fact that he doesn’t want to do certain things shows to me anywys he loves her ..and he said ok il be here waiting for you when your ready and he says he will be the best friend he can be to me .. he asked me if I wanted to be the secret girlfriend like was that really something I wanted or deserved and I said no of course not and he asked me what did I want I said i want it all or nothing at all.. I waned all of him not some and he said yes and I know you don’t want casual so you and I both know you deserve someone everything and we both know I can’t give you it all so I’m gunna give you nothing but I am gunna continue to be your friend and talk t you and support you and help you if I can.. is he confused? Is he actually that stupid and f**ked up? I’m beyond f**ked yo right now... I love this man and he is a good man a good boss and we get each other but I’m torn because I feel like I was strung along , I’m just utterly confused about everything that was said done and that has gone on with us the last several months up and up until last night... were it was like a breakup without really breaking up because we weren’t truly together or a title. Please someone who is licensed and has expertise in this subject respond ASAP.
Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 15 hours by:
12/11/2017
Counselor: Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD) replied 4 months ago
Dr Ted Manos
Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 906
Experience: Self employed 40 years experience Ob-Gyn
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Hello, and thank you for choosing Justanswer about your concern. I’m Dr Ted Manos M.D., and I’ve counseled patients over the years. I can respond shortly.
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Counselor: Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD) replied 4 months ago
You are requesting someone licensed to help you with your difficulty at work. You could require legal consultation as you are potentially a victim of sexual harassment or have someone help you out of a relationship that can explode in your face at anytime. You need to ask yourself what the future looks like for you. Have you not had a relationship outside of your current problem and asked yourself why? You say you love this man, but his handling of his life seems to be unsatisfactory and may be a pattern that will not change. I think you should say options to create a secure future including finding new employment.
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
No I don’t want nor need legal help. I want opinions on what he’s thinking and feeling
Counselor: Dr Ted Manos, Doctor (MD) replied 4 months ago
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