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My live in boyfreind, going on five years, still selectively…

My live in boyfreind...

My live in boyfreind, going on five years, still selectively includes me when out with his teenagers. Right now, he's out with them and the boy's girlfreind, but I am not invited. This hurts. He took three years to even let me meet them and now that we live together I don't see that it's gotten much better. I am ready to call it quits. Am i overreacting? Family has always been important to me, My three adult sons know we are a package deal, but he does not present me in the same way. I told him I was upset that he didn't care about how I feel on this but just today, he reufsed to invite me.

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

He battles depression/ptsd, and it's been an overall struggle

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
He also tells me that I want too much, too much together time, too much inclusion, etc...that I don't have a relationship "venn diagram" but that my relationship view is a "circle." It's hurtful to me. I was married 24 years, I do want more. I want a best friend, I want to be married, I want to be a package deal.
Answered in 21 hours by:
12/10/2017
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 416
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
Verified

Hi,

I'm Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication professor, relationship/family counselor, and behavioral therapist. I am very sorry you are going through this. Just to be clear, you mean in the first line that he "selectively EXCLUDES you," correct? If so, then that makes sense.

Taking 3 years to meet family is pretty significant. Maybe he was afraid of conflict if his teens have not adjusted the the split he had with their mother? Even if you believe that that was "ancient history," maybe he knows his kids and knows there would be conflict, non-acceptance of you on their part, etc. Have you directly asked him why? You have every right to know why he may/may not be excluding you.

If you two are not on the same page regarding family involvement, time spent together, etc., things are not going to get better unfortunately. Well, they won't improve without an intervention--something like near death experience, loss of a loved one, something else very tragic happening, or through therapy/counseling. Once people are in a negative communication spiral, things just don't improve; they get worse (again, about 99% of the time unless there is an intervention). It sounds like counseling/therapy is your best strategy for saving the relationship.

Let me ask this--if he really does have different goals regarding how time is spent with family and if he sees you as "needy" with time and inclusion, then do you really WANT this to work out? I ask this because maybe you just never really sat down and thought about the positives of getting out of an unhappy/unsatisfying relationship and waiting to get into a relationship where your partner is ON THE SAME PAGE as you regarding family, time spent apart/together, etc.

Do you want to talk about this? We could talk on the phone (or Skype) or we could chat in real time. Please let me know.

Thank you,

Dr. Jackie

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I need clarity. Should I sign up for the trial period?

That is entirely up to you. To be honest, I don't even know what that is. Those of us who answer questions don't even know what promotions are going on unless someone just happens to stumble on it.

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Did you have the chance to read through my questions? If you could answer them, I probably can better answer you and make recommendations to you!

DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 416
Experience: I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
Verified
DrJackiePhD and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Sorry it took so long to respond, yes it made me install the app and sign up for membership. Are you available for a couple minutes right now?
Phone call session started

I just filled out the form. Can I call you in a half an hour? Will that be good?

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Okay

I should call you at(###) ###-####

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I’m here, just trying to be calm. We had a volatile disagreement about an hour ago and he stormed out. So yes, 30 minutes to sign. I’m not going anywhere.
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Is fine

OK. I will call around 3 EDT. :) Hang in there!

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Thank you!

I am still working with someone else--Do you want me to opt out in order to try to get someone else faster or are you OK to hang in there? I'm sorry--I thought I'd be finished but this individual is not finished.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
I’m OK with waiting, I don’t have anything urgent going on.
Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Hi Dr. Jackie, I need to make a couple phone calls, are you able to pin down a time? I don’t want to be the on the other line and have to hang up on somebody. Let me know, I can wait while longer, I’m not going anywhere and I’m home alone. It would just be a depend on the time because I have a few things I need to take care of.
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