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I'm 26 years old. My ex-boyfriend, Cliff (who just turned…

Hi! My names Kathryn and...
Hi! My names Kathryn and I'm 26 years old. My ex-boyfriend, Cliff (who just turned 27) and I have been apart for almost 3 years and we dated for a little over 6 years. Never lived together but we did have a sexual relationship. He is the only person I've ever had sex with. Anyways, we have kept in touch and every so often he will ask me out to dinner and it leads to me going home with him and us sleeping together. I would like to date Cliff again but I feel like he treats me as a friend with benefits, although I know he sees me as more than that. How do I get respect back from him without pushing him away?
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
I added more info to my original submission, after I read some of the example reviews...Hi! My names Kathryn and I'm 26 years old. My ex-boyfriend, Cliff (who just turned 27) and I have been apart for almost 3 years now. We dated for a little over 6 years. Never lived together but we did have a sexual relationship. He is the only person I've ever had sex with. And he's not the player type. He just has a ton of old high school guy best friends that he is still best friends with today. Anyways, we have kept in touch through Snapchat over the past three years. But this past year we have gotten into an unhealthy habit.Cliff will ask me out to dinner, pay for it, and treat me as he did when we were dating, which then leads to us watching a movie at his loft and then leads to us sleeping together and me staying over for the night (to be blunt). Then he'll drive me back home in the morning, kiss me goodbye but then we don't snapchat/text/talk for at least 2 weeks and then the cycle repeats.I would like to date Cliff, again, but I feel like he treats me as a friend with benefits, although I know he sees me as more than just a friend. His excuse is that he's waiting for his medical schooling to be done so he can financially support a girlfriend, which makes me feel strung along. Oh, and his father is on Forbes list, his family is very wealthy. Cliff has a trust fund, which I've never cared about. Didn't know if that was important or not to mention. I have a ton of questions but I think they mostly revolve around this one;How do I get respect back from Cliff without pushing him away?
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Help via Email or Text Message. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Answered in 10 hours by:
12/7/2017
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
It seems to me that when it is convenient for him to reach out to spend time with you and have intimate relations that is when he reaches out. You ask about how you can regain his respect and I think that comes from you setting a boundary around responding to these texts and allowing this type of relationship to continue. If this pattern is okay for you where he reaches out you spend time and you have sex then stay with that but if you want more and you want things to be different then it's possible that you setting a boundary around it and not accepting these invitations could work I would also be open with him about your feelings let him know how much you love and care for him but this pattern doesn't seem to get you to be any closer and deeper in your relationship. I understand that he uses medical school as a reason but it just doesn't really make a whole lot of sense because there are plenty of things that people can do that don't require a lot of money if they are in a relationship and want to be together. So the pattern continues because you allow it and it works for you and I believe that you continue in it because you hope that somehow things will change for him. But I think it could change if you let him know what you desire and if you put a boundary around accepting these types of invitations. But again if it works for you there is no judgment... stay with things and see how things progress.
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I await your thoughts.

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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
I am so sorry for the delayed response. Everything you said was right and it helped me clear my head and gave me better understanding of the whole situation, I really appreciate you being honest and direct with me. I am having trouble now putting together a text to Cliff and I would really love your input. This is what I have so far...As much as I appreciate the sweet Christmas movie invites ClifFord I need to be honest with you. I still care about you. I love it when we get to spend time together and I love snapchatting with you. But the pattern of snapping, dinner, hooking up and then not hearing from you for two weeks or more hurts my heart and doesn't work for me.I'm horrible at the communicating feelings through text part so any input would be welcomed and much appreciated!
What you wrote is so perfect. It's direct, homes and full of feeling.
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honest
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Thank you so much! :) I Couldn't have done it without you. I'll let you know how it ends.
You are doing great. Keep being honest and know you are deserving of it all.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Thank you Jen :)
My pleasure. Let me know how else i can support you. If all good for now, please take a moment to click the rating faces to rate my support. Thanks so much.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
You'll be rated 10 star! One more thing! He responded super fast and saidWell we should schedule two date nights or something so that doesn't happen! I still care for you too!!(I didn't answer right away so then he sent..)I mean we never know unless we trySo.. this has never happened before so I am at a loss on how to feel about it ��
Scheduling two dates doesn't necessarily mean that you're together. It just means he might be scheduling two dates in order to be intimate. So you can reach back out and ask him what does two dates mean are we together or we just casually dating?
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
I knew I felt unsettled with his answer but surprised and happy at the same time. My judgement obviously clouded.. again, you help me clear my mind. And if he says casually dating do I stop communicating with him or explain more?
I will always advocate for communicating your feelings so if he says casually dating and you want more then let him know you want more. If you are okay with casually dating then follow whatever your heart desires.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
He asked to casually date and my feelings say, no I already know everything I need to know about cliff but I don't know how to communicate that to him so he understands.
Customer reply replied 8 months ago
Or I just say, no I'll pass. Is that to vague?
You can just say that you are looking for something deeper and more meaningful and if he can't give that to you that you understand but it's probably best you part ways.
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if you want to casually date and that is okay. You get to decide now
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
I don't want to casually date. At all.
Then you are clear. And let him know what I said above.
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Customer reply replied 8 months ago
You are such a great therapist. Let's see how he responds.
Thank you so much. It is my pleasure
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,928
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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