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I dont know where to start on about this situation. Its one…

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I dont know where to...
I dont know where to start on about this situation. Its one that has haunted me for as long as i could remember and drove me to extreme lengths to avoid contact or even interacting or acknowledging. My brother and I have a very unstable relationship he's only about a year and a half older than me but hes far more successful than i am and has achieved alot. The issue that i have is finding my own place in my family, i feel like theres no place for me when my brother is around. I lack strong personality traits, I'm kind of like the "dark horse" of the family and everyone is usually worried about me but honestly its because i feel my boundries threatened by him and i act on it. But latley i started thinking about it more and more and my main issue is between my brother and I, in my mind there isnt a spot for both of us in this family in my mind atleast, I dont know why its like this but i can't function when hes around, i cant be myself, i guess some of it goes back to when we were kids and i always tried to win his and my parents approval, but im older now and i understand what it takes to build a strong life but this is still the one thing that has power over me. i noticed when he went on vacation last summer with the rest of my family and i had the house to myself, I florished. I was calm, relaxed and actually getting stuff done. It wasnt until my brother came back that i began to feel insecure and couldnt relax and i became very nervous and anxious. I really dont know what to do, the stress has taken its toll on my body and mind for all these years. Im not able to move out because i cant support myself and the only chance i can get the "ball rolling" and start feeling better is if he wasnt in my life . I want to stay true to myself by finally finding a solution to this and i understand my strengths and weaknesses and i excell when i can clearly focus on myself and my brother cannot be present or around even.
Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 1 hour by:
12/5/2017
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 951
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I am reviewing your question and will reply in a moment.

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Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

I plan on addressing your question, but have a couple questions of my own first. How old are you and your brother? What is your life interests? How does your brother and family treat you?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I'm 25 and my brother is almost 27, I like following a strict life schedule that include excercising, hanging out with friends and working but latley I haven't been able to do it, for awhile actually. I just can't visualize anything with my brother around. My brother teases alot he's the only one that really bothers me. The rest of my family likes to support me and always checks up on me
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

What would it take for you to be on your own? what do you need to accomplish to become independent?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I just need to steer clear of my brother and slowly I feel like I can get to the point where I can be independent. My intentions and drive all change for the better when he's not around.
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

But is that possible?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
No, not right now
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

Have you ever addressed this with him or your family?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I have, my family can only do so much. They've told him not to get in my way , but we still cross paths since we live in the same house. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not very social and don't really have many friends and really prefer if he wasn't there to overshadow me. I just don't know what to do anymore
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
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Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.

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