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I have an issue with my daughter's father and need some

Customer Question
I have an issue...

I have an issue with my daughter's father and need some rational advice

Expert's Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.

A guy I used to date and I decided 9 years ago to have a child. We have a beautiful little girl but have not been couple. I want this and my daughter want this badly. Though he has had other women it seems that he wants this to as recently he mentioned for us to move in with him but I was so flabbergasted I didn't say a word and got off the phone. Unfortunately that day my daughter told me that his friend slash girlfriend asked her what her phone number and address was. I asked him to ask the girl not to ask my daughter personal questions and he said she didn't. But after speaking with my daughter he did agree that my daughter was telling the truth and that he would talk to the girl. When he did talk to his girl friend she denied it and he called my daughter a liar in essence and saying we had to sit down and talk about it. I was Furious and filed for full custody. The hearing is not until January but we are at odds suddenly when things were just becoming more clothes with him and my daughter is very disappointed but is happy because he is no longer taking her around that girl friend. How do I find out if he's angry forever before the hearing? And could his feelings have changed so quickly from just wanting us to move in so he could be there for our daughter more?. I am very confused

Expert's Assistant: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?

We are both 50 years old now. I am hoping that his need for romance takes a backseat now to his desire to be a good dad. I think our age is irrelevant. My daughter prays every night for us to be a family Under One Roof.

Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Relationship
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
The girlfriend that asked my daughter where she lives and what her phone number is ***** the same girl he was with and engaged to when we decided to have our daughter. He said that she wouldn't or couldn't have his child. She later told me that she wanted to but was waiting for him to get his stuff together. She told me that she did not want my daughter in her life when my daughter was an infant and he spent years trying to get her to accept our daughter and only about 6 months ago did she agree to have our daughter in her life. Though my daughter does not feel any care or concern from her in any way. I know that she was that's my daughter because she maybe the reason she doesn't have a child of her own and she is beyond 50 now. Our daughter also said that on two separate occasions the girlfriend hit her when her father wasn't looking in a very discreet way with an object. We chose not to tell her father this because he would only make it look as though we were trying to get her out of the picture so I had to wait for more concrete evidence that she does not care for our daughter. And that came with the questions that she lied about and I'm wondering if he feels that she is worth keeping around when she caused a huge problem with custody and lied to him
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I realize after reading this voice texting is not coming out grammatically correct or correct at all. I apologize. And I think our age is relevant not irrelevant
Answered in 16 hours by:
12/4/2017
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 951
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I am reviewing your question and will reply in a moment.

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Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

I have offered a a phone call if you are still interested in that. If you wish, I will respond on here, It is up to you.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
call pls. driving
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I already signed up for a membership and can't afford another $34 for this question. Please post response I will read when I arrive at work
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

I understand. Give me a couple minutes to gather my thoughts.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I understand. I don't really want to know if he'll be mad forever. That's not something you can guess but I'm more M after weather we can return to where we were just before this happened. On the same day it happened we were communicating better than we have in years.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
Voice texting. Please excuse spelling and grammar
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

I am not a lawyer, but first of all, I would think unless you can prove there is a danger to your daughter, the courts are not going to grant full custody. As I said though, I am not a lawyer.

I am afraid this is going to interrupt your relationship. It is hard to go through a court battle without hard feelings. Honestly, it sounds as if he does care for your daughter. I'm not sure taking her away from him would be best for her.

As far as going further in the relationship, as long as the other woman is in his life, I'm not sure that is feasible. I would require he break it off with her before going any further,

Does that make sense at all or did I just complicate it?

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
He had already changed his relationship with the other woman to just friends. He told his sister in front of my daughter that they were just friends. And then he said he wanted to spend more time with Ruby and wanted to have a sit-down talk with me. Though we didn't talk he said over the phone but Ruby and I should move in with him. You did not complicated but Ruben did not enter our daughter's life until she was 5 years old. The girl kept begging him to relinquish his rights and he would stay away for two years at a time. With no communication or child support whatsoever. Then this past summer he spent his entire two-week vacation on a road trip with the girl and spent only three hours with our daughter prior to leaving. He had extra visits Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays with our daughter for 2 hours after school which he abruptly gave up last year when we ended the co-parenting counseling. He only kept them up during counseling and for a couple of weeks after
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
I I really am only concerned about the girls lie about my daughter. Do you think that he would just forgive her for lying on our daughter and then lying to him about not having ask those things. When she clearly did. And now she does not take my daughter around her. This is been an on-again-off-again relationship for over 10 years where they break up and get back together usually after he attempts another relationship and it fails. I just want to make sure that you feel that this isn't a situation that he would choose over our daughter. Thank you
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago

It doesn't sound like he deserves to see her. Nor does he deserve you. It sounds like he is interested in each of you only when it is convenient to him. With that said, I would guess he will pick up where he left off only if it is convenient for him.

As far as him choosing his gf over your daughter, I believe when it is convenient for him he will. it is sad, but hat is probably the kind of relationship your daughter is going to be stuck with.

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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
do you think tge judge will see his inconsistent behavior and not grant him more time? i alsi had to address his online gambling isdue. he hast gone online for the past 2 visits my daughter said. and he has started to bathe her after stopping for months on her weekends with him. anything to reassure me
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
Did you say he has started to bathe her?
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Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
I hope I was a help to you. Will you do me a favor and give me a five star rating for my answer so I can be paid for it. If you have any comments or questions please post them here. I want to help you.Thank you!
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
no. he STOPPED her bathing for no reason over the whole weekend. she would return unbathed and her hair not brushed. i put that in my complaint. he has resumed her baths. she showers alone. he jus slacked off on EVERYTHING. she had boring bisits of just tv watching and came home unkempt until i filed those papers. now its back to normal and my daughter is happy.
he is not a molester . when he believed the girl my daughter did notnwant to see him for even a visit which is why i filed.
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
5 stars
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
what about the girl asking my daughter about where she lives and her phone number. she did this when her dad wasnt around. she was snooping bevaude she cant trust him. inapprpriate in your eyes to question a child that way?
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
Well, it depends on why she questioned her. It could have been just small talk. I would think your best bet against him would be his abandonment and failure to pay child support. All that said, most kids are better off with both parents in their life.
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
ok. it was not small talk becsuse she flat out denied asking these things.
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
I just cannot imagine what she wanted with his information. I am figuring that if you receive this
I just cannot imagine what she wanted with is it from Mike. I am figuring that is your issue too.
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
he must gave told her we were going to move in with him. and he has cheated on her so many times that she goes through his phone log. im sure she wanted to reconcile his calls to our daughter with what she found on his phone as they recently stopped dating and became just friends. he has cheated on her throughout their relationship. they were just engaged when we chose to have a child. i had no idea he was still seeing her. he told our therapist that i was the only 1 he wver wanted to have a child with. sounds like a lie. hes chronic liar. son of anusive alcoholic mother. he does not trust women so he lies to and manipulates them until we find him out. i want him in our life still because he makes my daughter happy and life would better if we were a family under 1 roof.
Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
I agree, he needs to be a part of your daughters life. I personally do not agree you have to go through an I agree, he needs to be a part of your daughters lot. I personally do not agree you haveTwo and share a home with him though. I do not believe you can trust m to and share a home with him though. I do not believe you can trust him. It I s your life though. I really do hope the best for you.
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Counselor: John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC) replied 4 months ago
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Customer reply replied 4 months ago
my daughter prays every night for the 3 of us to live in the same home. he was just ready to make that very step. i think he will come around again. he asked me half dozen times to talk before he involved this woman in our daughters life 6 mos ago. i refused out of fear he would say he wanted to marry her. thats not what he wanted to say
Customer reply replied 4 months ago
he wanted to tell me he wanted to spebd more time together for our dsughter but i alienated him for months. but until then our daughter had not been around that woman once in 3 years.
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